Do you have a narcissist in your life that you are forced to deal with?

I just finished an excellent book on narcissism by Dr. Ramani Durvasula, It’s Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People.

It was an urgent read for me because I finally realized that one of my so-called close relationships was probably with a narcissist. Reading this book confirmed it for me. He’s definitely a narcissist. So I wrote a letter to my email subscribers, and I thought I would share it with you now. (Hey... while we're here, sign up for my weekly newsletter!)

Here it is: 

Do you have a narcissist in your life that you are forced to deal with?

Suddenly, I do.

I mean, I’ve had narcissists in my life many times. Many of them were pastors or abusive spiritual leaders. I learned how to distance myself from them. That was always very painful because they make you pay for that. They say terrible things about you, and they will do terrible things to you to make your life miserable. I’ve experienced that many times.

But it wasn’t terribly sad because they didn’t mean that much to me. It hurt. Yes. But I wasn’t sad that they weren’t in my life anymore. I was happy they were gone! Now, though, I have someone in my birth family who is causing “antagonistic relational stress” on a level I’ve never experienced before. It’s mind-blowing.

I mean… What do you do if they are in your family, or if they are in your church, or if they are your boss? It’s not that easy to just walk away. Is it?

(Get a print of "The Need to Leave" by clicking on the image, or HERE.)

I’m experiencing a lot of emotions. Exhaustion. Confusion. Anger. Concern. And sadness. Because I’m going to have to sever all ties to them. 

It’s interesting how spirituality and deconstruction play into all this. Not all that long ago, I would have felt that it was wrong to sever ties with a family member. Or really anybody. That turn-the-other-cheek theology runs deep so that we feel we need to suffer long… long-suffering… believing that they will change one day. This person’s been bullying me for a couple of years now. But their level of antagonism has reached a feverish pitch and it’s time to cut ties. I used to hope they would see the error of their ways, feel bad about it, and change.

But, as Durvasula claims, narcissists don’t change.

It’s time to cut ties.  I hope there’s peace and quiet on the other side of this. But I have to do what I can to ensure that this is so.

Are you dealing with a narcissist right now?
Or have you in the past?