I often find myself in the margins. Somewhere between clarity and darkness. Somewhere between the wide open and the narrow paths. Somewhere between the field and the forest.
What I’m talking about is my spiritual life.
I’ve never really felt like I belonged anywhere. To some I’m a believer. To others I’m not. To some I’m in. To others I’m out. To some I’m a part of the family. To others I’m other.
It would feel disingenuous of me to agree to conform to one or the other. It would mean sacrificing my integrity, my honesty with myself, my conscience, to align myself with one or the other. Because to affiliate with one would mean to break from the other.
And I’m not willing to do that. In fact, I’m not able to do that because it would be dishonest.
The truth is… there is no us and them. There is no in and out. The open field and the dense forest are each an important part of the whole ecosystem.
It is not necessary for me, and I feel no pressure, to live only in the field or only in the forest.
I do both.
Because the edge of the field is the edge of the forest. They are the same thing.
And even though it baffles, perplexes, and even infuriates others, I’m okay with that.