Jesus Speaks at an Annual Atheist Assembly: CAPTION THIS!

"CAPTION THIS: Jesus & Atheists" cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

“CAPTION THIS: Jesus & Atheists” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

PLEASE read this post before entering your caption! There are rules.

It’s time for another Caption This Cartoon Contest! Leave your caption in the comments.

The winner gets a fine art reproduction print of the completed cartoon, signed, sealed, and delivered to their door! A joint effort between the nakedpastor and the winner! I’ll sign it then you can sign it once you get it. Something you can hang up and brag about.


1. Leave a comment here on my blog with your caption. (ONE ENTRY ONLY PLEASE!)
2. Sign up for my emails where you get my cartoons in your inbox every day! (If you do, you also get a free e-book, Two Sizes Too Small… a book about our journey towards spiritual independence.)

I’ll post the winner this weekend with the completed cartoon with the new caption.

Have fun!

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92 Responses

  1. Candace Chellew-Hodge says:

    Finally, a group of people who understand me!

  2. Corbett means says:

    “Well, I’m real”……..

  3. Raymond Griffith says:

    The way my followers have been behaving lately, I don’t believe in me any more. I’m joining you people.

  4. Brian Thiessen says:

    I can’t believe I’m here either!

  5. Rex Jamesson says:

    You know that embarrassing dream,… the one where you find yourself naked on a cross?

  6. Dan Dickinson says:

    I don’t believe in that kind of God either.

  7. Rod Benson says:

    “I believe in God; I believe also in you.”

  8. George Porter says:

    ‘You are not far from the Kingdom.’

  9. David Blakely says:

    First off, that biography was never authorized.

  10. Melisa Bell says:

    “Well, I was surprised to be asked to speak at this assembly. I bet you were more surprised when I showed up!”

  11. Nick Gypps says:

    I’m this year’s special guest speaker… Surprise!

  12. Dan says:

    Just because you don’t believe in me doesn’t mean I don’t believe in you.

  13. Soooo, where the water?

  14. RollieB says:

    “Dearly beloved…”

  15. Brenton says:

    Thank you for the warm reception. Christians don’t seem to listen to me anymore.

  16. Danny says:

    Let’s all NOT believe in the same deity together!

  17. Dave says:

    I appreciate your skepticism, but claiming that I don’t exist is not helping your credibility with my followers.

  18. Autumn says:

    Bet you learned more about me here than in church.

  19. Esta Ann Ammerman says:

    “I get how skeptical you are being atheists, but I blame Penn and Teller for teaching you how to figure out all my magic tricks.”

  20. Joey says:

    “Sometimes you just have to believe in yourself when no one else will.”

  21. Kris799 says:

    “I get it. I stopped listening to my Dad a long time ago.”

  22. Dan says:

    Well, guys, you’re doing great! Unlike the Christians, there have still been no wars started in your name, so good job with the not killing people. Again, unlike the Christians, you seem to care about taking care of this planet I made for you guys. Oh yeah, and fighting against bigotry and marginalizing people different from you, good on you for that, maybe work with some of my followers on that one, too. And lastly, keep up the science, that shit is saving lives!

  23. Brigitte says:

    You really believe people came from monkeys but you can’t believe I am God?

  24. Aaron Saari says:

    “So, Dad prefers y’all because you’re are kinder than most the people who act in my name. And I’m gonna have to agree with him.”

  25. tiniweaver says:

    “Yes, I am now aware that a mustard seed is not, in fact, the smallest seed. Thank you and sorry for the confusion. I was in a bad area for signal with the Father that day…”

  26. Blessed are the unbelievers, for when you love, you do so freely and without condition.

  27. I started questioning and deconstructing when I was about 30. They twisted my words and crucified me.

  28. grant says:

    As my friend Mark Twain once said, “Rumours of my death have been greatly exxagerated.”

  29. Jake Enns says:

    “Finally, I get to speak to a crowd that doesn’t believe the same crap I don’t believe”

  30. Dan says:

    “Go into all the world and make disciples!”

  31. John Turner says:

    Are you accepting new members?

  32. John Turner says:

    I’m also having a hard time believing in God.

  33. Jimmy Vaden says:

    The rumors of my some of followers’ ignorance have, regrettably, been accurately portrayed.

  34. tc says:

    An outspoken opponent of organized religion for over 2,000 years …

  35. kristie says:

    Well, yea. I don’t believe in God either.

  36. David Waters says:

    Doing good is doing good no matter whose name or motive you do it in. Thank You!

  37. Lydia Penner says:

    “Bidden or Not Bidden, God is Present.” (Erasmus, died 1536 and Carl Jung)

  38. steve says:

    Thank-you for behaving more like Christians than most Christians.

  39. Lydia Penner says:

    (Or should I restate that, “Bidden or Not Bidden, I am Present.”)

  40. Patricia says:

    “You’re probably wondering why I called you all here today?”

  41. Steve Nichols says:

    I’m not here to judge.

  42. Ernie Marton says:

    “I too cannot beleive what is being said about me”

  43. Rhonda says:

    What you’ve heard about me is all bullshit. ?

  44. Erin Green says:

    “Put this in your pipe and smoke it, Richard Dawkins”

  45. Abel Sánchez says:

    “I love you guys!”

  46. Kirk Moore says:

    Thank you for all you do to make the world a better place.

  47. Connie says:

    “Just because some of my followers don’t believe in full respect and dignity for all doesn’t mean it isn’t true.”

  48. Micah says:

    “I get it… Sometimes I don’t believe it all happened either!”

  49. Ray Costello says:

    “Please forgive my followers, they know not what they do.”

  50. Jordan says:

    (wow some of these are embarrassing – not officially entering so GL to the rest of ya)

    1) “The reports of my life and death have been greatly exaggerated.”
    2) “Let’s get this straight – I wasn’t a literalist, and you guys shouldn’t be either.”
    3) “Whoever owns the green Honda Fit, your headlights are still on.”

  51. Bruce says:

    Glad to be among you. Blessed are the peace makers. Finally a people who reject a father who dashes his children upon rocks.

  52. Ron Doerksen says:

    Firstly I would like to thank you all for being real. I mean it. Sure is easier dealing with realists rather than nut jobs.

  53. Becky Northcutt says:

    I know that you don’t believe in me, but I still believe in you.

  54. Sorry. I thought it stood for American Automobile Association. I need a jump.

  55. Followers of Jesus

  56. Dave Matney says:

    Forgive my followers, for they know not what they do.

  57. Terry Heaton says:

    You are SO close, but two things. One, there is a God. Two, it’s not me!

  58. Ross Balmer says:

    “Fellow non-Christians…”

  59. John says:

    “Trust Me”

  60. “You guys were totally right…last Saturday…”

  61. Summar says:

    Finally a group of people who just want to help others with nothing in return.

  62. Richard Kidd says:

    Don’t blame me for my so-called followers!

  63. Juila says:

    First up, Nietzsche on God is dead.

  64. Belinda Pereira says:

    Welcome, atheists–my current best hope from bringing the kingdom of heaven to earth.

  65. Anna says:

    Dave matney that was awesome!

  66. Andy says:

    Imagine there’s no heaven
    It’s easy if you try
    No hell below us
    Above us only sky
    Imagine all the people living for today
    (Ooooh, OOOOOH, ooh-ooh-ooh)

  67. Karen Delinski says:

    You all are my favorites.

  68. Mona says:

    “You are the meek chosen to inherit the Earth, well done!”

  69. Neil says:

    “Anyone here do any public relations work? Because I may have an opening.”


    “So is the billboard thing working any better for you than it is for us?”

  70. David says:

    “It’s true, I don’t exist.”

  71. Sue says:

    Hi. It’s me.

  72. Jeff Robinson says:


  73. Jeff says:

    Thank you all for inviting me here tonight.

  74. David Horton says:

    I’m honored you chose me for your final keynote.

  75. Jersey Girl says:

    And now for something completely different….

  76. Nelson says:

    So…anybody else’s dad ever screw ’em over?

  77. Silke Force says:

    Before I begin: Please hold up your hand if you can actually hear me.

  78. Douglas says:

    So in conclusion, I think we may have more in common than any group that invokes my name.

  79. Jordan says:

    (resub as requested)
    “Whoever owns the green Honda Fit with the Darwin bumper sticker, your headlights are still on.”

  80. Julia says:

    *mic drop

  81. Kevin Black says:

    “Thank you all for believing in me.”

  82. brian says:

    “There are no True Atheists” LOL I think that Ray guy is funny too. Did you see that fake ark that can’t float?

  83. Jonathan says:

    “…So there we were walking down this long dark hallway and we came to a room full of people. I looked at Ghandi and whispered, ‘Shhh. This is the area for Christians. They think they’re the only ones here.”

  84. Kate Hammerquist says:

    “Beware the leaven of the Pharisees.”

  85. Gary says:

    An atheist, an agnostic, and a priest walk into a bar…

  86. Matt says:

    Now that you’ve all crossed over to the other side, in the words of a famous author it’s “your best life now”

  87. Brad says:

    Tap, tap. “Is this on? … Okay, a certain man had two sons …”

  88. Whatcha looking at?

  89. Jeffp says:

    It’s nice to be among a group that has not put words in my mouth or damned others to hell.

  90. Sarah says:

    These things happen.

  91. Jim Gill says:

    I bet you’re wondering why I called this meeting.

  92. Congratulations to Silke Force for the winning caption, “Before I begin: Please hold up your hand if you can actually hear me.”

    I’ll need your mailing address Silke!

    Thanks everyone for playing. See you at the next games!