Is your leadership there for you, or are you there for your leadership?

"Rose & Thorns" cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

“Rose & Thorns” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

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Are you a part of a community where it usually feels okay, but once in a while you get a sneaking suspicion that something is horribly wrong?

Do you wonder if you are dispensable?

Do you suspect that the more of you there are and the better you all behave the better you make the leadership look and feel?

That’s a mouthful! But you get what I mean!

If you know what I’m talking about, please check us out at The Lasting Supper… where we lead ourselves!


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6 Responses

  1. Adam Julians says:

    Yeah I hear ya.

    Kinda like some communal conformity that meets with a leader’s approval. A sense of security from belonging yet there may be some niggles of get out may result in rejection?

    Leading ourselves sounds great in principle. To be free of the need to conform clone like and be able to air concerns. I find this works in creative environments. For me this is where I find freedom. Yet creative environments can also be chaotic.

    I understand that there is a need for systems and structure sometimes. Otherwise how would country be run, say. Also that there are some folks for whom structure is security.

    I guess creative types can struggle with structure and folks who like structure can feel insecure in creative environments and to some degree what is “wrong” can be trying to contrive to fit like squeezing into an awesome pair of shoes that are a size to small.

    No community, no church, no human gathering or organisation is perfect. So I guess in that sense there is always going to be something “wrong” wherever we go.

    Except of course when I am alone ’cause I am perfect and my best quality is my modesty ;).

  2. Adam Julians says:

    An apology,

    I don’t wish to take up too much space here. I’m sorry if this is going to be an inappropriate use of your site David but I would like to offer an apology for recent conduct here. I have been going through my own issues ever since it was pointed out to me that I have suffered abuse, affirmed by David.

    My endeavour has always been to conduct myself here in keeping with Article 1 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights i.e. “All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.”

    Looking back at comments since the boil was lanced so to speak about abuse I have suffered, some of how I have expressed myself has become messy and I have failed to keeping to this standard that I seek to hold in communication, engaging disproportionately. For this I apologise.

    I am experiencing a whole bunch of stuff that has come to the surface after being buried down and am finding what K Elizabeth has written resonating with me.

    K. Elizabeth Danahy
    March 15, 2015 at 9:24 pm
    …I am one of those abused… it absolutely makes sense for a survivor say angry, things back – OR for a survivor to freak out and ask others to stop saying words that seem potentially abusive to them because they want to stop all abusive cycles…

    I am not sure what to do about this but I promise to endeavour to be considerate of how I express myself here in future.

    Can I also thank two people who’s encouragement and empathy have been conducive to healing for me at this time with bringing awareness and offering empathy as follows:

    January 16, 2016 at 2:44 am
    Adam, what a load of rubbish those people told you! All of that was abuse, and just because the person doing the abuse is a woman does not make it ok. How does a child (M or F) have the power? It’s a terribly painful thing when you open up about abuse from the past, and it is used to abuse you again in the present.
    Please take care. Hope for a healing journey endures…
    Kindest regards, Kristin

    Shazza tha dazzla
    February 14, 2016 at 8:59 am
    I realize Adam we’re digressing from the original cartoon, but I was very moved by your story and I’m sorry you have had to suffer abuse. In my line of work, I’ve heard terrible stories from children who have had to endure unspeakable things at the hands of both women and men. The ones I see are mostly the result of serious drug addiction. Unbelievably cruel people..
    If you’ve been misunderstood or mistreated as a result of disclosing your abuse, I ‘m very sorry. The thing is, again in my experience, it’s rare for adult survivors NOT to be misunderstood, criticized, shut down or disbelieved. And that’s really unfair. Pain on top of pain. I hope you’re able to find more people who do validate your feelings. Like Kristin.

    Once again, I apologise for any overreaction I have made to comments due to this being where I am on my healing / freeing journey and will endeavour to conduct myself here, with David’s permission, in a “spirit of brotherhood” freedom, equality and dignity.

    Thanks for reading.

  3. Thanks for sharing this Adam. No permission is needed. You’re a free adult here.

  4. Adam Julians says:

    Thanks for your reply David. The permission thing was probably a bit of British politeness.

    We Brits have our ways ;).

  5. Adam Julians says:

    Thank you for indulging me with your time in allowing my posting David. Again, I don’t want to take up too much time here. I want to respect your hospitality. Again, I am sorry if this comment is going to be an inappropriate use of your site. I would like to seek clarification about something.

    Is that OK?

    A while ago we had this dialogue:

    Adam Julians
    January 19, 2013 at 10:56 am
    While this cartoon focussed on a lady, the same is true for gentlemen… I hope it can be accepted that it works both ways.

    January 19, 2013 at 11:18 am
    absolutely adam.

    Recently we had this dialogue:

    Adam Julians
    February 22, 2016 at 10:50 am
    There was a time when I worked at a summer camp when there was an accusation of child molestation made… Thankfully I and my fellow counsellor’s account corroborated and we had the support of the camp director… it may offer an explanation as to why rape can be so difficult to prove.

    Nakedpastor David Hayward
    February 22, 2016 at 10:57 am
    You do this EVERY TIME Adam and I think it is highly inappropriate!

    Caryn offered this comment:

    Caryn LeMur
    February 22, 2016 at 8:29 pm
    …you shared your story about a time when your own testimony was not believed.
    As best as I understand, you are positioning your posts that ‘abuse’ must be approached as a unisex issue… you’ll probably be receiving a rough reply that wonders how on earth you could be so calloused, self-centered, and derailing an important conversation.
    Because in the States, Patriarchy is real.

    I don’t understand why Caryn interpreted my story as being about my testimony not being believed.

    With regard to the “unisex”.

    More recently there appears to be implication that I have been coming across as patriarchal (in context – either abusive or supporting abuse of women) consistent with comments about being highly inappropriate and calloused, self-centred and derailing an important conversation. This seems to be epitomised by the sharing of my experience when falsely accused of child molestation and having the support of the camp director. When I have shared in the more distant past about it working both ways, my comment has been affirmed “absolutely”.

    Given the difference between affirmation and criticism I’m confused about how to comment in a manner that will be conducive to the former and avoid the pitfall of the latter. I don’t want to be insensitive over a difference of culture.

    Please help me out here. How (with cultural sensitivity to the States) can I comment in a way that can replicate being affirmed absolutely that mistreatment happens both ways between men and women with issues of abuse? And what can I do to alleviate concern about perceived inappropriateness and callousness in my comments when a cartoon about female pastors/speakers/professors/abused is posted?