Betrayal: Do you know who your friends are?

"Friends?" cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

“Friends?” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

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The sad truth about betrayal is that it’s done by a friend… someone you trusted. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be betrayal.

Therefore, there’s no guaranteed assurance that it can’t or won’t ever happen.

Therefore, can we choose to not be overly cautious with our trust and love?

For me, it’s better than living in constant fear, suspicion, lovelessness, and loneliness.

I’ve been betrayed a lot by a lot of people! I loved each and every one of them very much. I’ve learned that the best thing for my health is to move on as quickly as possible, forgive them as fast as I can, and dive right back in to loving other people and trusting them. Some might think I’m just setting myself up for betrayal again. But is there any other way?

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7 Responses

  1. Caryn LeMur says:

    May I offer that the phrase “dive right back into loving people and trusting them” may be better stated as “dive right back into loving other people and trusting them”?

    I have learned to turn the other cheek as needed. But when the limit is reached for the human being that is receiving the slaps, he/she needs to admit they are not Jesus, forgive and never walk back to that person.

    The same Jesus that said “Turn the other cheek” also said “do not give what is holy to the dog pack; do not cast pearls to swine”.

    We must observe the others. If, by our turning the other cheek, they stir others into a killing pack mentality; or if they are so dismissive that they will not even consider other approaches or truths…. then it is time to walk away.

    And perhaps, discuss the situation with them when we meet again in heaven.

    This life-time is too short for dog packs and pigs.

  2. Yes Caryn. Your clarification is what I meant. I’ll insert that.

  3. Adam Julians says:

    David, this is touching on something for me in the light of recent events. I hope saying thanks is enough to show appreciation?

    I find myself saying yes to the health for moving on as quickly as possible and forgiving, and not giving up on love. And to love driving out fear, suspicion etc.

    Can I suggest that moving on could mean an ending of a relationship and could also mean a change in the dynamic of a relationship.

    That having been betrayed doesn’t have to mean stopping loving the betrayer? That loving could mean them experiencing the consequences of their actions, possibly with loving from a distance while healing from the effect of the betrayal occurs?

    For example I think of Peter’s betrayal of Jesus 3 times. Jesus forgiving and there being reconciliation with Peter. Yet at the same time a consequence – Jesus insulted Peter it might be said by asking him 3 times “do you love me”.

    Remembering that Peter hadn’t yet received the Spirit and was later to go on with the comfort of that to the same fate Jesus had.

    And yes Caryn, I affirm what you say about dogs and pigs, killing and being dismissive. Discernment needed for when to guard the heart and reign in the tongue. Both challenging.

    Someone once said that if you wrestle with a pig you both get dirty and the pig enjoys it.

  4. Caryn LeMur says:

    “If you wrestle with a pig you both get dirty and the pig enjoys it.” ROFL!!!

    Too true!!!

  5. Kristin says:

    Your cartoon is speaking into my current situation loud and clear David. I can also relate to what others have shared.

    I guess for me I have learned not to rush the moving on part – mainly because when I can sit and reflect, deeply and as open-heartedly as possible, on what has occurred I learn a lot. I am less likely to make the same mistakes. As a result, I think, I am much more aware of the subtle signs, of my gut saying something’s not right here. Perhaps more discerning about things that are not mere appearances, but are sometimes masked by appearances?

    The pain of betrayal can be quite excruciating, particularly when it is someone who’s been a close friend for many years. It is such a shock to recognise their behaviour is telling you they are not the person you believed they were. I’m not talking about being less than perfect, or being a bit of a hypocrite. Sadly we are all those things – it is how open we are to honestly examining our own hypocrisy that places some curb on it, an internal call to integrity. I’m talking about the kind of thing Scott Peck described in “People of the Lie”. People becoming so deeply invested in keeping up appearances, to others or themselves, that they don’t care who gets hurt or how – so long as they don’t need to look at it and feel any pain.

    Finding a response with grace from this place is hard work, but worthwhile in my experience.

  6. Thanks for sharing Kristin. It is hard work.

  7. Adam Julians says:


    “my gut saying something’s not right here”

    I hear you. I hear David saying it is “hard work”.

    “To do something, anything is hard. It’s much easier to blame your father, your mother, the government, lack of money. But even if you find a place to assign the blame, it doesn’t make the problems go away… she is trusting me. But more than that she is trusting herself. Now if your 16 year old daughter is strong and secure and trusts herself, how likely is she to let some idiot knock her up. and if your son can learn to touch a girl with respect, how will he treat women throughout his life.


    So, ladies and gentlemen, this is what I do here at this school. I teach dance. and with it a set of rules that will teach your kids about respect, teamwork and dignity. And that will help to give them a vision of the future they could have.”

    “Finding a response with grace from this place is hard work, but worthwhile in my experience.” In my experience too with hardships I face.

    The motto of the royal Air Force is “per ardua ad astra” – “through adversity to the stars”. After relentless air attacks by the Luftwaffe on London in WWI Winston Churchill said “Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few.”

    You re not alone Kristin.