a more subtle form of control

"Subtle Control" cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

“Subtle Control” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

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I was at a conference once where a leader was there with many members of his community. I watched with fascination as he and his people claimed that he was the least controlling leader they’d ever known. But their love, devotion, and even adoration of him was so powerful that he could use his feelings to completely control their behavior.

For example, to prevent the possibility of ever hurting his feelings, they would never even think of disagreeing with him or challenging any of the things he thought, said, or did.

Control doesn’t always appear like a dictator. It can also appear like a lover…

… a lover who feels its his right to never have his feelings hurt or to experience disappointment.

This is not to say leaders who are liked and even loved have control issues. As long as they are humble and open, and as long as there are people around them that can speak honestly into their lives without fear of retaliation.


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2 Responses

  1. Ducatihero says:

    I would have thought that anyone saying they are the least controlling leader they know would be an indication to anyone with discernment that they probably have issues with control.

    The word “expectations ” that you use in your cartoon David reminds me of a date once that told me that she expected to be loved as Christ loves the church.

    Yes, in spite of what might be popular opinion, a woman or someone who is not a leader can be controlling too.

    I suppose the challenge is what to do when that happens and what to do so one doesn’t end up being controlling too.

  2. Bobbi says:

    Your cartoon on control is spot on!! It brings to mind two of my favorite quotes:

    “One of the greatest tragedies in life is to lose your own sense of self and accept the version of you that is expected by everyone else.”
    ~ K.L.Toth

    “Expecting of someone is quick to be taking it’s toll
    And if you’re not careful, you’ll wake up alone and old”
    Delbert McClinton