Meet Bible Man, our new Christian superhero

"BIBLE MAN" cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

“BIBLE MAN” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

[Get a poster of your superhero BIBLE MAN here!]

After my post yesterday about homosexuality causing earthquakes, we get the brilliant comment:

“It always amazes me that the same people that are for gay rights are ultimately against it for their own Mother and Father. The bible is the truth dummy. If everyone turns gay then their will be no life and no you to slander God’s word!”

I’m not sure if he meant the bible is a “truth-dummy”, where we suck on it like a baby would… that it’s not the real thing but a fake, a dummy. The bible is a truth-dummy.

OR, was he calling me a dummy, as in, the bible is the truth, dummy! I think this is what he meant.

So, it sounds like we need a new superhero to save the day. Ta-da! BIBLE MAN! Yes! The creator, upholder, and protector of all truth. Don’t mess with Bible Man, dummy!, cuz he ain’t no truth-dummy, or he will stone you to death, then throw you into hell where you will burn alive forever and ever amen!

Yes this makes sense. Don’t ask any more questions. Bible Man is the answer for the world today!

Come save us, Bible Man!

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20 Responses

  1. Laura Beth says:

    I love this! With all the answers there the questions become pointless – no more journies in life, we have arrived. I love the no more life argument – if we all took Paul’s advice (from the book of truth, dummy) then it would be better if we didn’t marry at all. Guess what – same result!

  2. irreverance says:

    For some reason, when I read “Bible Man” it sounds like the “Trojan Man” from an old condom commercial.

    http://www.hark.com/clips/xhcbwmjpmr-trojan-man

  3. Sabio Lantz says:

    You could have sold this idea to Marvel and made millions!

    Bible-Man
    Qur’an-Man
    Torah-Man

    Sadly, all this religious nonsense is deadly serious.

    Micah’s link is hilarious — or would be hilarious if it was not so sad.

  4. Jonn McDaniel says:

    Did I miss the part where anyone on the planet was advocating for everyone to become gay? I must’ve been so busy reading my truth-dummy book that I missed that…

    We can love people who are LGBT, speak out strongly against all discrimination towards them, and still remain straight. I know, shocking!

  5. Jarred H says:

    So wait, just because I’m in favor of LGBT rights, I’m against rights for my own parents? That makes absolutely no sense.

    Also, this is a friendly reminder that according to the Bible itself (See the first chapter of the gospel of John), the “Word of God” is Jesus. Not the Bible. I think Fred Clark recently did a post on this topic.

  6. Gary says:

    LOVE IT!!!!!

  7. Reema says:

    Okay, the Bible is the truth, dummy. We also believe this to be the case. However, it is a truth that is filtered through Human interpretation and understanding, dummy, which is limited by nature, dummy?

    We’re all dummies in comparison to God – that’s the point.

  8. Sabio Lantz says:

    @ Reema,
    Do you also believe that the Qur’an is a truth that is filtered through Human interpretation and understanding? Do you also feel the same about the Bhagavad Gita?
    We you say, “we”, who do you mean?

  9. Reema says:

    Hi Sabio, thank you for beginning a dialogue with me, yes, I believe that the Quran, Bible, and Torah, are all messages from God. I believe that scripture (i.e. the Quran ) is also a divine message. I believe that we, as human people, are limited in our understanding of scripture. Thus, we cannot perfectly, completely, and totally “translate” scripture. We can, however, through years of scholarship and study, do a very good job.

    With that said, I refrain from making statements like “God caused this event. This is the absolute truth and you are a sinner.” Only God determines who sins. Islam does not permit people to judge whether someone goes to heaven or hell.

    Bhagavad Gita is Hindu scripture, which I do not believe in because it is a polytheistic text (scripture with multiple gods). Islam believes in the absolute, indivisible, “oneness” of God. So, I do not have an opinion on the Bhagavad Gita as it is not my faith.

    When I say, “we,” (if you’ll note from my picture and blog (thepathtopiety), I mean, Muslims. I am a representative of the Islamic faith.

    I hope I’ve clarified my position on things. Thanks so much for your questions – looking forward to more dialogue!

  10. Sabio Lantz says:

    Hi Reema,

    Well, I know there are many different kinds of Islam (just as there are many different flavors of Christianity). And I know most forms of Islam feel that the Qur’an is perfect while the Christian and Jewish scriptures are corrupt. How about your. And further, that most forms of Islam condemn strongly Hinduism, Buddhism and especially atheists.

    What sect of Islam do you profess?

    I have had several Muslims on my site who start out talking with lots of vague, and apparently open comments but in the end, held fairly classic exclusivist views.

    Thus I am asking.

  11. Cecilia Davidson says:

    This looks quite a lot like the robot created by Dr. Eggman/Dr. Robotnik (Sonic the Hedgehog franchise) who’s hammering into the ground a sign that reads “NO FUN ALLOWED.”

    Unintentional parallel? Maybe. But a parallel.

  12. Jennybek says:

    !!! Not the hero fundies need, but the one they deserve.

  13. Reema says:

    Indeed, there are a few sects of Islam though not as many as Christianity. When I say that, I am not implying any judgment – it’s just a fact. I am a Sunni Muslim as opposed to, say, a Shi’ite Muslim. I do not think any sect believes that the Bible and Torah are corrupt. Islam embraces the scriptures of both religions. However, there are essential differences that it highlights. For instance, we (and I am mean Sunni Muslims) do not believe that Jesus (Isa) was crucified. We believe that God saved him and raised him up.

    I have to correct you when you say most forms of Islam “condemn” polytheistic religions. If that’s what you have experienced from impressions and the media, then such condemnation is limited to your experience.

    Islam does not condemn any religion. We respect religious difference. During the prophet Muhammed’s time, laws were created that provided religious tolerance for both Jews and Christians.

    I can understand why some Muslims would turn conservative. This is because there are certain religious codes that are not open to interpretation. However, that does not justify privileging one religion over the other. Religious difference must always be tolerated, as in the prophet Muhammed’s time.

  14. Shazza tha dazzla says:

    Hehehe…. Well done David. Well done…….

  15. Ducatihero says:

    Great point Reema about the word of God being Jesus. Steve Chalke here in the UK has also been known to say what you have about that. So then the bible is the word of God as understood through Jesus’ eyes and none of us are Jesus.

    So then because Gods thoughts are above ours, there are always surprises that come when reading the bible and new things to learn.

    Something that bible man who has all the answers, everything figured out that he is compelled to tell you so you will be free because he loves you. Oh wait, didn’t the apostle Paul have something to say about this guy with having a form of godliness but being arrogant?

    Of course the same guy pops up in many forms of human movements religious or secular. It was both that got Jesus killed.

  16. Reema says:

    Thank you for concurring. None of us can have it all figured out about the Bible or Quran. Those who profess to have done so, I believe, are misguided.

  17. Ducatihero says:

    Yes, I wold affirm that.

  18. Yasmin says:

    Somewhere, I saw a billboard the said simply, “God is too great to fit within one religion.” How very true that is, according to the definition of God that most of us understand. I’d go farther and say that any god that does fit completely within one group’s understanding isn’t really worth worshipping. He/she/it is really one human-sized in that case.