zombie seminary graduation

zombie seminary graduation

Oh, if only I knew then what I know now!

When I graduated from seminary (I actually did twice with two Master degrees!) I was determined to change the world to my way of thinking. I sincerely wanted to help. When I started pastoring churches, I was certain I would bend them to my will, or, I should say God’s will… which I believed my will represented.

Oh my! I shudder to think.

Own the original drawing! Or buy a print of this cartoon.

Check out my books.

You may also like...

20 Responses

  1. don bryant says:

    People assume what I believe from the seminary I went to 33 years ago. They shouldn’t. I not only have changed. I am on the opposite side of my seminary on many theological debates. But the dynamic of getting the first word in, as it were, by seminaries tilling fertile young minds has amazing rewards for theological systems. It was so easy to fall into being against what the profs were against and being for what they were for – all without seriously reading primary sources and letting people speak for themselves. 30+ years later I now have some time to read their stuff for myself and am finding out how thick the wool was that was being pulled over my eyes. But the zombie images isn’t that far off. Students out for blood, tilting at windmills.

  2. Andrea Lesko says:

    And Dave, you did truly help many. Yes?

  3. Sabio Lantz says:

    Maybe I am being linguistically superstitious, but maybe this is why “cemetery” and “seminary” sound so damn similar! 😉

  4. Anissa says:

    We often spoke in Seminary about the fact that Seminaries trained us to be Seminarians, not pastors. I, too, went to seminary twice for two different Masters Degrees. That meant that I got into ministry as an older person, and didn’t have that same golden view of what it meant to minister. I knew exactly what I was getting into (as I’d worked in the church for 10 years already) and still struggled. I am thankful for my two seminaries, because they did not raise Zombies, but thinking individuals… if we wanted to be.

  5. nakedpastor says:

    we always called it cemetery 😉

  6. Sabio Lantz says:

    Ya know, I’ve never gotten into the Zombie-genre ‘films’. So I have to ask a sort of ignorant question –> Do Zombies know they are Zombies?

  7. Steve says:

    Fortunately my seminary didn’t teach us to be zombie evangelists or pastors. We were taught to think things through and ask questions.

  8. Anonymous says:

    I am not saying this harshly, but I honestly don’t see the point in seminaries. I, personally, don’t think that that is at all what Jesus intended. Is the point of going to a seminary to be able to obtain higher knowledge about God? If there is any point to pastoring, I would think it would be to pass on this knowledge, but if the knowledge is passed on, then why go to seminary? As I think about it, it seems like yet another culturalization of the Divine. Why is a relationship with God something a person needs a degree in? SOOO many people are coming through seminaries these days. I guess I really don’t understand earning a living doing what all “Christians” should be doing by nature of their Christianity. (This is not meant to in any way throw stones, nor is it typed in anger. The cartoon just poked at the bewilderment I was already experiencing.)

  9. Dave says:

    @Sabio: I don’t know whether they do or not but the pitiful wailing of the zombies in the “Half-Life” series of from Valve Games, played backwards, says (along with a whole lot of general moaning), “God Help! Help Me!”, I kid you not:

  10. Sarah says:

    Fuck you (to the man). No fucking way.

  11. Steve Martin says:

    I think all that “free-will” stuff that they teach at so many seminaries is really a big problem (with Zombie preachers).

    When one finally realizes that ‘our wills’ are bound, when it comes to matters of God (bound to sin), then one can give up trying to shoehorn people into the faith, and worse yet, some unrealistic picture of what ‘Christians ought be’.

    Christians are nothing more than beggars. Beggars who happen to know where the bread line is.

  12. Caedmon says:

    This is why I am so thankful for the seminary I attended. Their stated and applied goal was to teach us to read openly and critically, and ask lots of questions.

  13. Helen says:

    @Sabio, from my indepth knowledge of zombies gained from the Resident Evil series, no, I don’t think they are self-aware.

  14. Sabio Lantz says:

    So what I picking up here is we have two possibilities:

    (1) Some seminaries are good, others turn out zombies
    (2) Many seminaries turn out zombies but the zombies don’t know they are zombies

    For your first 10 years out of Seminary did you think you were a theological Zombie?

    Another thought: If you poll drivers, most think that 90% of drivers are bad drivers — but they don’t think they are bad drivers, of course.

  15. Steve Martin says:

    Listen to this 3 minute Zombie schpiel.

    He learned this at Zombie seminary:


  16. One question not mentioned yet is WHY have seminaries at all? (Yes, I realize I paid a ton of money for seminary too. But that isn’t the point.)

    Seminaries and Bible colleges are non-scriptural. Really. These institutions are reminders of how the church fails. The New Testament example is for the local body to train and raise of their own leaders and the leaders for new missionary churches. That fact that someone has to go away to a school to learn what should be taught in the local church speaks volumes to me.

  17. Lydia says:

    A bold and wonderful drawing and post, David. Thank you.

  18. I feel like this should be hanging up at a “Missional church” conference somewhere.

  19. cam girls says:

    Now and again the term can be utilized blatantly like a euphemism. Will relationship suggest getting, getting to sleep collectively, or simply passing time collectively. Someone might imagine which the fact is self visible.