They assure me
I’m among friends.
They say they love me
like their God does.
Oh how I hope it is true!
Could it be, that I could
find a place to be and rest?
Where I could belong?
I fear with all my might
that they will see
the me that’s inside of me.
I edit my words.
I tell my story with caution.
I read their faces.
for any reaction
that says I don’t belong.
He cracks a harmless joke.
But a word was used
that’s always used
against me and my kind.
Like a turtle, I’ll let them
eye my presentable shell.
But my self will stay hid.
I alone belong with me.
The image is a cropped portion of the artist Tim Lowly’s painting, Testimony of Transience (Steve the “Queer”).
Contributions to nakedpastor are greatly appreciated.
Sorry I haven’t been blogging much. The holidays, for one thing, kept me busy. Our oldest son Joshua is home from Ottawa too so that kept me away from my computer more than usual. Plus, on top of all that, I have just been struggling with the whole blogging thing anyway. I often wonder if it’s worth while. Is it serving any purpose? Is it useful? Is it making me rich? Oops. I didn’t mean that last one. But seriously. I’m not sure it’s worth continuing.
The truth is, I don’t think we change our minds. The way I think about church and community, I’ve come to realize since writing this blog, is far different than what is usually considered orthodox or even normal. It is not just slightly different, but off the grid. Perhaps I should just keep pastoring this local community and not worry about what others are doing. Perhaps it is only intended to be done locally. Perhaps it is an indigenous thing, so that writing about it only publicizes it, therefore polluting it. It’s almost like I have a choice: be a pastor, or try to explain it. Like the old saying: those who do, do. Those who can’t, teach. Maybe.
Oh, and another thing. I’ve been working hard on my art, developing my online art gallery haywardART.com. I enjoy doing my art, and it provides me with hours of relaxation, contemplative time, hard work that has visible results (unlike the ministry), and extra income to supplement what I make as a pastor. I’d love you to visit my site and check it out.
So this is what I’m considering: instead of trying to come up with mini essays with something important to say every day, I’m thinking I will make it even more personal and diary-like… as if you were trespassing into my personal journals. I’ve always kept a journal, so maybe this will help it seem less daunting. In other words, like I said last year: perhaps I’ll become even more naked.
Contributions to nakedpastor are greatly appreciated.
I am so honored and humbled to share with you that nakedpastor is one of the winners of the 2007 Millennia Awards. They are awarded to virtual communities…
that excel in passionate conversation while remaining hospitable, charitable, and beneficial to all participants. Millennia Awards are given to participatory communities which bridge superficial cultural and religious divides – exploring commonality as much as difference; maintaining fresh, creative, missional formats accessible and relevant to a diverse audience; remaining sensitive to our shared humanity and common need for grace as we learn and grow together.
I have found it rather interesting that such a vast variety of people participate in nakedpastor, from atheists to fundamentalists. You can find the other five winners here. Thanks John and Cynthia! The prize money will be put to good use.
Also, a book I wrote a chapter in, Volume One of the Wikiklesia Project, Voices of the Virtual World, was honored last Wednesday evening in Boston with an Award of Merit by the Society for New Communications Research. You can read more about it here.
Anyway, I’m frantically trying to update my house. An appraiser is coming in tomorrow. If he appraises it high enough we might be able to consolidate some of our debt. In the process, I cut my baby finger on my left hand to the bone with a piece of glass out of a window. You wouldn’t believe how important that finger is for typing! So I’ll say goodbye for now. I’ll try to be back in full swing tomorrow.
Contributions to nakedpastor are greatly appreciated.
I want to take this opportunity to thank Paul Walker over at Out of the Cocoon for a very generous REVIEW OF MY CHAPTER, “Virtuality and the Practice of Authenticity” in the Wikiklesia project Voices of the Virtual World. Walker has taken on the incredible task of reviewing all 40-something chapters on his blog. You can see the book ad on my sidebar to the right where you can also download it. Paperback available soon!
Know you are creative. Everyone is creative in their own special way in their own special medium. I’ve met lots of people who believed they weren’t creative. I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t.- Think outside the box. No idea is too outlandish! Do you want to reproduce the past or forge a new path? Are you going to keep doing what’s already been written about or will you do something that will be written about? The best creativity has something refreshing about it, even if offensive.
- Make time. Stop the craziness and plant yourself before your palette. It won’t come to you. Leisure is a key ingredient in creativity. Even philosophers know that leisure is necessary for creative thinking. Some of my most creative ideas come to me over my morning coffee or an evening scotch.
- Don’t care what people will think. That will kill creativity on the spot. If I listened to my critics you wouldn’t be reading this and I wouldn’t have written it. Everything offends someone. Learn that quick and then ignore it.
- Don’t do it for money. Creativity can be drowned out by monetary ambitions. If your art sells, great. If you sell your soul, not so great. Money poisons motives.
- Experiment. Writing? Put pen to paper before you have a thought. Painting? Throw it. Sculpture? Smash it. Philosophizing? Don’t sleep for 2 days. Choreography? Drink wine then video it nude. Try something. Anything!
- Don’t be afraid of mistakes or waste. My painting dramatically improved when I stopped caring about how much paint or paper I used. Some of the best symphonies, paintings, choreographs, architecture, etc., were created after totally scrapping previous attempts.
- Explore new possibilities. If someone told me I’d be cartooning every day I wouldn’t have believed it. I did my first one in fear and trembling. Now I can’t stop. I plan on trying new things soon because I don’t like ruts. But I love wells. And creativity is a fathomless well. Once you tap in, you’ll know what I mean.
- Enjoy it! Creativity is fascinating and fun. Especially when it materializes. Although there can be excruciating work involved in the process, a deep feeling of satisfaction often accompanies it, even if it upsets everything around you. You may feel like Chuck Noland in the movie Cast Away: “I make fire!” while you beat your chest in triumphant joy. Well, I have.
- Risk exposing yourself. Your creations are your babies. They are part of yourself, borne out of your own heart and passions, and they say something important about you. Putting your creations out there is like putting yourself out there. And even though you will get praised as well as shot at, I think you must do it… for you, for me, and for our world.
The painting is one of my rare acrylics on canvas (6″x10″, SOLD) titled, “Eve on Fire”.
Contributions to nakedpastor are greatly appreciated.
The Wikiklesia project has been birthed! I was invited by John La Grou over at microclesia to contribute a chapter to an online cooperative book that will be available for download in just a matter of weeks from Amazon. It is going to be a virtual, self-organizing, and participatory attempt to address the impact of technology on the church, community, theology, spirituality, etc. Several other authors have been selected. I am honored, humbled and nervous to be among them. You can read more about the project here, here and here. The proceeds from the sale of the book are going to Not For Sale, a campaign to end slavery in the world in our lifetime. The topic I chose to address is this, in summary:
Contributions to nakedpastor are greatly appreciated.Being a pastor of a local community, I want to explore how the idea of online community being virtual (not real, but seeming to be real) is not a symptom of the internet, but a condition of fallen humanity that finds expression even in our local churches and congregations. In other words, virtual is not an internet problem, but a human one. I also want to tie in the notion that the principalities and powers find their vitality and expression through the maintenance of the virtual model, locally and online.
I was invited by Marcus Goodyear to review his new blogging venture, The High Calling, and join with others on a blogging tour stemming from the review of his new blog. It is a faith-based blog designed to encourage Christians find a connection between God and their work. I’m glad to accept the invitation, and even though the time I can devote to the tour is limited, I am going to give a short review of The High Calling and give you some links to other bloggers involved with the tour.
This is my two-cents: On first glance, the site appeared to me to be rather slick, packaged, and fairly traditional. I felt like I was opening a glossy upbeat Christian magazine where everyone is beautiful and successful… the kind of mag I wouldn’t be naturally inclined towards. Upon further inspection, however, I found that there is lots of depth to be found inside of it. There are several category links, from work and family to leadership to integrity to professional relationships and more. Also, I browsed through the pretty extensive stable of contributing writers and found several there that I am very much into. Overall, I think it is an impressive site, packed with several resources and articles that you might like to look into. It includes daily stuff and even audio talks. I’m amazed at how big the site is and the work it must take to maintain it. Good job Marcus Goodyear and all involved. Thanks for the invite. I found some other interesting sites, blogs, and potential friends.
Here’s a list of other bloggers taking part in the tour that you might like to check out, many of whom seem to be writers themselves:
Gordon Atkinson, L.L. Barkat, Gina Conroy, Craver VII, CREEations, Milton Brasher-Cunningham, Mary DeMuth, Karl Edwards, Emdashery, Every Square Inch, Amy Goodyear, Marcus Goodyear himself!, Al Hsu, Jennwith2ns, Charles Foster Johnson, Mike McLoughlin, Eve Neilsen, Ramblin Dan, Charity Singleton, Stacy, Camy Tang
Anyway, take a look-see, and for goodness sake try to have fun… maybe!
Contributions to nakedpastor are greatly appreciated.
This is an extended quote from Brenda Ueland’s book, If You Want To Write. It is an excellent source for inspiration and practical advice for creativity. I encourage you to get it. I found my used copy, in good condition, online for $1. Here’s the quote:
Gradually by writing you will learn more and more to be free, to say all you think; and at the same time you will learn never to lie to yourself, never to pretend and attitudinize. But only by writing and by long, patient, serious work will you find your true self.
But remember always that the true self is never a fixed thing. You can never say: “Good. Today I find at last what I am really like: splendid type!” You cannot say that because the true self is always in motion like music, a river of life, changing, moving, failing, suffering, learning, shining. That is why you must freely and recklessly make new mistakes- in writing or in life- and do not fret about them but pass on and write more. Active evil is so much better than passive good, which is just docility, feebleness, timidity. And do not try to be consistent, for what is true to you today may not be true at all tomorrow, because you see a better truth…
Therefore, when you write, speak with complete self-trust and do not timidly qualify and feel the ice of well authenticated literary usage and critical soundness- so afraid when you have finished writing that they will ridicule you full of holes.
Let them. Later if you find what you wrote isn’t true, accept the new truth. Consistency is the horror of the world.
The fine art photograph is the creation of my friend Mark Hemmings.
Contributions to nakedpastor are greatly appreciated.
I am reading a delightful little book by Brenda Ueland, If You Want to Write. A Book About Art, Independence and Spirit. Bloggers: get it. Readers: get it. It is the best book I’ve ever read on writing and the best book I’ve ever read that inspires my artistic passion. Anyway, in it she writes about a woman she admires named Francesca. She speaks truthfully, directly, honestly:
She always plunges right into the middle of a truth, never leading up to it with apologetic explanations, proofs and qualifying phrases. And that is what I want you to do when you write. And like Francesca, since she is always truthful, never care if you are believed or not… But she does not have to (egotistically) establish her soundness, before people.
My sense of art and writing and music has taken a turn since I started reading this book. I’m not finished it yet, but I already notice a difference in my approach. I write what I want, paint what I want, and music what I want without regard to its marketing value or public appeal. It is a liberating way to live.
The fine-art photograph is from my friend Mark Hemmings’s Fashion series.
David Hayward is a pastor artistically stripping to the essential.
