Vision is incompatible with church community. The vision and mission statement talk is very provocative and tempting. As soon as anyone questions what our purpose is, it has the immediate and alluring aura of imagining, creating and shaping our future. It’s called futuring. And it is very sexy. If you are a business or an influence or lobby group or club or even a charity or anything else, you will need to have a vision and articulate a mission statement. But not a church. People, even believers, must have the freedom to assemble without being required to serve a vision created by the pastor or the leaders or even the collective. Otherwise their personal freedom out of necessity is sublimated. You have a choice: you either serve a vision or you serve people. The church can’t do both.
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One of the greatest enemies of the church is fantasy.
Just like fantasy is one of the greatest enemies of a marriage.
Dissatisfied with reality, we create a fantasy of what we desire. The greater the fantasy, the greater the gulf between reality and the fantasy, the greater the dissatisfaction. It eventually ends in fracture, divorce, neurosis, spiritual death, all wrapped in a candy coating of quick recovery and delicious denial.
This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t work on our reality. Last night our church had an Open Round Table where we discussed how we are doing. Lisa and I, at times, need to sit down and ask ourselves if our marriage is healthy. Are we spending enough time together? Are we communicating? Is there anything we are overlooking? Are we being truthful to who we are, with ourselves and with one another? And these are questions we really do ask ourselves. But the worst thing I could do is to say to her something like, “Can you be more sexy, like Rachel McAdams?”
Fantasy is common fare. It is the air we breathe. And I find the church the perfect breeding ground for its propagation. We are aswim in fantasy and don’t even know it.
Prayer, bible study, worship, fellowship. It doesn’t get any better than that.*
But we wish it would.
(*Some might wonder where “mission” is. In my opinion, if we did these four things, our mission is accomplished. Being is doing.)
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I am a part of a stubborn community of people. But I’m thankful for that. It is partially because of our stubbornness that we are still here. But I’m thankful for it for another, more important, reason: they will not be coerced into doing something they don’t want just to fulfill some expectation, no matter how virtuous or noble.
The pressure to envision the community as something better or even other than what it is is inescapable and constant. My community, however, demands to be recognized and appreciated for what it is. For who they are! I always compare it to a loving relationship. If I constantly want my wife to look like Angelina Jolie, have sex with me every day, and worship the ground I walk on, then my expectations are eventually going to kill me and her. I will resent the fact that my fantasies are never fulfilled, and she will resent the fact that she herself is never loved. We will end up in divorce court because I refuse to see her, respect her and love her as she is, and she refuses to conform to my fantasies of my imaginary her.
I almost daily have to purge my mind of expectations, objectives, dreams, visions, goals and fantasies about my community or it will destroy me with disappointment , resentment and bitterness. The same for the community. If they constantly feel like they are never measuring up to my dreams for them, it will end in disaster. But the temptation is real because this is precisely how I was trained to oversee communities! This is how almost every community functions. And it is killing people and community. To unconditionally love these people as they are and this community as it is… that’s my commitment.
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I met with a good friend today who is a member of our community. I was sharing with her what I was feeling these days with people who’ve left, who’ve decreased their level of support, and who’ve pulled back in some way or another. I told her I find it hard to be optimistic in the face of such loss. It doesn’t seem to matter how hard I try or work, it’s like I’m carrying a leaky pail.
She admitted to me that she would like to be a part of a success story just once. All the effort that goes into doing the things we do at the grassroots level is just that: grassroots. It’s meaningful, but small. There’s no wave of people coming. There’s no fanfare. No recognition. There’s no measurable gain that we can enjoy. Although everything we do we do with a clear conscience, certain that we are to be who we are and doing what we do, there’s never any marked victory. Sure, we sold land and paid off our debt. But this doesn’t measure the health or success of our community. In fact, it could very well affect it adversely. But I know what she means. I’ve often wondered why, in spite of our constant efforts to be and do good, there’s no profitable gain from it. I want to be a part of a success story too. I would love to be presently rewarded. But no. We aren’t and I’m not sure we ever will be.
(Pull the camera back for wide-angle shot): This very desire… to be a part of a success story… is the problem! It blinds us to the present. It pollutes our thoughts and actions with ambitious desires for a lofty goal, the fulfillment of our visions and dreams that have been fabricated in our discontented hearts. It also blinds us to the subtle rewards we do enjoy that can’t be calculated. Are we content to be and do good and leave the results up to the Other? We can plant. We can water. We can tend. But the increase is a gift.
The fine art photograph is the creation of my friend Mark Hemmings, of Shinjuku Park, Tokyo, Japan. It captures a barren tree in winter. Who knows what spring will bring?
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Something I’ve suspected for quite a long time is that my style of ministry isn’t conducive to church growth or success. At least that’s been my experience. Even though I feel a deep conviction that I am to pastor the way I do, it hasn’t amounted to much. My church hasn’t grown. It has no more money. We don’t have any amazing stories to tell. At least nothing that would make headlines in all the major Christian testimonials. In fact, my style has caused my church to split, caused me to be dismissed from another ministry, and seen people come only to eventually go over the years. There is a solid group of people here who understand this and support it. Plus, evidently from my blog, there are some of you out there who get it. I don’t know what I can do about it without compromising what I know to be true.
Not many people understand me. Not many people understand my style of ministry. I can’t explain it, although I try. That’s what this blog is for… to explain the inexplicable to you, my confused reader. I don’t lead. I don’t have a vision. My teaching is offensive and disappointing. I get that all the time. I’ve gotten that for years.
There’s so much muscle-flexing in the church today. I do this I do that! Look how accomplished I am! Look how big I am! Look how wealthy I’ve become! Look how influential I am! Look how I’m changing the world! Look how effective I am! But I’m unwilling to flex muscle except when it comes to the protection of my flock, my people. And what I feel we most need protection from is the hard muscle of the present-day church. Not the world! I choose to be weak as a shepherd. Our people, for the most part I believe, choose to be weak as a church. I reject muscular attainments that we religious people aspire to and the church craves. I wait for a better life. New life. Genuine, authentic and true life. I thirst for living water, not pumped and processed water. I can’t explain it, but I’ll keep trying. This is the cross to me. Thanks for your patience.
The fine art photograph is the creation of my friend Jorgen Klausen. This is NOT me after a workout.
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I want to make a few things clear:
- I love my church, Rothesay Vineyard.
- I feel called to be a pastor.
- I want to pastor this church.
- I am grateful to be her pastor.
Methinks I don’t protest too much. Let me put it this way: it is as though I came across an extraordinarily beautiful rose in the wilderness. My task is to appreciate, protect and praise its rare beauty. Along come the developers to suggest digging up this rose’s roots in order to plant a whole garden of them. I chase them off because this one rose is all that is needed. I will not kill it for a bigger idea. Along come the horticulturalist experts to tell me how to make it even bigger and more beautiful. I chase them off because they don’t appreciate the rose as it already is in all its splendor. I will not change this rose into another one. Along come the insecticide and herbicide specialists and gene-manipulators to tell me how to develop this rose into a stronger strain. I chase them off because they don’t realize that letting it be is its best protection. It is strong enough if left alone. Along come the reporters and spin-doctors to make deals on how to publish its praise in a more professional, profitable and marketable way. I chase them off because the rose reports its own beauty.
It is the same with this community. I’ve seen, I’ve tried and I’ve done all kinds of programs and agendas and visions and strategies. They all without exception, I’ve concluded, do not appreciate what is. They all try to change it and add to it with the best of intentions and the best of efforts, but they do not realize that in the process they destroy it. I feel my primary job as a pastor is to just allow the rose to be the rose, to enjoy it, to praise it, and to let it be. Nothing more. Nothing less. This, in my opinion, is love. This, in my opinion, is what a pastor does: he or she loves his or her people and cares for them. Simple… simple as that!
The fine art photo is the creation of my friend Jorgen Klausen.
I wanna rant! I need to say something right here right now. Just the thought of having to sit in a meeting to talk about what we OUGHT to do, SHOULD do, or MUST do, just makes me want to hurl. Just the thought of sitting listening to someone reiterate the vision and try to fire me up to follow it makes me want to quit even before I join. I absolutely love the saying of Jesus, “Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest!” I’m telling you people: this world is full of people weary and heavy laden with the expectations of religion and its leaders. That’s what Jesus was talking about. When he saw the people so burdened and vexed without a shepherd, that’s what he was talking about. When he chastised the religious leaders for laying burdens on people without lifting a finger to help them, that’s what he was talking about. No amount of our talented tweaking is going to change the weight of the burden, only it’s appearance. Let the visions and agendas go! They are only burdensome expectations in modern fancy dress.
I live with teenagers and their friends. Our house is often full of them… loud, funny, wild, uncontrollable, disobedient and visionless. All they want to do is hang. That’s it. That is life’s pleasure for them. And it is enough. It is enough! What can be better than being together, loving each other, challenging each other to be more authentic, and laughing? What can be better? Save the world? From what? They’ll tell you, “Let’s save the world from assholes who are trying to shape us into something other than what we are!” “Do NOT sell your soul to any agenda for any price!” They’re rubbing off on us, and it ain’t all bad! What can be better for Lisa and me than to be among these lunatics, laughing with them, teasing them, affirming them in their beauty and aimlessness, and receiving their reckless affection? Answer me that!
The pic is of my daughter Casile, my son Jesse, and just a few of their goofy friends.
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David Hayward is a pastor artistically stripping to the essential.
