This is a cartoon playing around with Frederik Goodall (British, 1822-1904), The Finding of Moses: oil on canvas, 60 × 45 in. (152.4 × 114.25 cm). I appreciate fine art, including nudes. In fact, I do nude art, such as this woodcut nude. Although I can understand why some people would rather not appreciate nude art, I don’t agree with the censoring of it. This little fellow better get busy with his roller of black paint. He has a few more private parts to conceal!
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Although I’m not a dualist, there is some scriptural support for this concept. In Deuteronomy 34 we find that the body of Moses was never found. In Jude we discover a legend that indicates that the devil and an angel disputed over the body of Moses. This is a silly picture of what my mind pictures happened. It certainly captures how I’m feeling these days. No matter who wins, I lose.
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It isn’t how you do church. In my opinion, it doesn’t matter what tradition you follow. Your church expression can be anything from none to house-church to the highest liturgical expression. The fact is, none of these matter. Well, in fact, they all do matter. None of them are the solution. None of them are the problem. This is what I mean by “none of these matter”. I do not think that rearranging the order is going to change the root problem… that is the human mind. I am convinced that it is only by working energetically on the mind and its transformation that the structure is transformed genuinely and authentically.
Revolutions come and revolutions go. One revolution overturns one regime only to set up another which only sponsors the next revolution. This never ceases and endlessly fascinates humanity. But it leads nowhere. I don’t believe, in this context, in progress. It is only dolling up the corpse. Of course, any changes which further liberates the human being must occur. But to think that the appearance of liberty is actual liberty is foolish.
This is why I like things to be kept as simple as possible. Gather. Sing. Give. Study. Pray. Disperse. Keep in touch. Something like that. I don’t for a minute think that our community is any more advanced than the next one, or that our community is any more New Testamentish than the next one. This doesn’t concern me anymore. What concerns me is the freedom, the real freedom, of each individual person in the context of community. I think this is what provokes the transformation of the world that we desire.
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I have a good friend who was told by a pastor and an elder… who was there as a witness… that she was fat because she doesn’t submit to her husband. She left. Which only confirmed their suspicions. I told this story to a good friend of mine recently who exclaimed, “It’s a wonder anybody stays in church anywhere!” I agree. The amount of subtle manipulation, judgement, criticism, condemnation and abuse that goes on in the name of religion is remarkable! And I’ll tell you why…
Anytime you have an idea the way people should behave or turn out, it results in violence against that person. If I relate to my wife the way I think she ought to be, according to my own desires and expectations, it violates who she is already. If I relate to my children according to my wishes for them, it destroys who they actually are. The church is one of the most concentrated cultures for having and imposing expectations upon people. The pastor and elder had an idea of what a woman should look like. She didn’t look like that, so they challenged her to become what she should be. She also didn’t relate to her husband the way they thought she must, so they admonished her to submit to her husband the way they think she should. That’s their biblical mandate!
They couldn’t see past their own agenda for her to behold the incredible and unconventional beauty that she possessed already. Neither could they fit her rather feisty and confident way of relating to men into their grid for wives. Instead of letting her be to blossom in her own unique way, they crushed her. But only for a while. She got out from beneath their oppressive weight of judgement and is doing fine. But I know many other people who continue to get crushed and crushed and crushed. And I’ve heard some say that there’s something virtuous in being crushed… like a rose that releases its perfume only when crushed, or a grape its wine only after being crushed. Some can tell when they are free to leave the press. Others don’t, but continue to voluntarily submit to the unjust oppression that they don’t deserve nor need to endure. Get out if you can!
That’s just one reason why I think many are leaving the church, and why many others have already left.
The fine art photograph is the creation of my friend Jorgen Klausen.
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I really don’t know what to say. I appreciate your comments, but we are still not seeing it. I’m still in a season of speechlessness. I’m at a place where I feel like my whole continent is shaking at the roots. The whole world is crashing in. The paradigm I have been comfortably operating in is imploding, and I can’t presently see where else to go. I am a man in a house that is fully ablaze. There is no time to decide anything. It is only time to run. Run away from the flame. Get out of the house. NOW!
I don’t think it is helpful to simply tweak the system. I don’t think it is important anymore to upgrade our theology. I don’t think it does a bit of good to provide a new edition to our doctrine. I think it is a waste of time to solidify a new position. Not another dogmatic theology?! Not another denomination?! Not another congregation with a new vision?! Not another religious blog?! Not another spirituality?! Not another strategy?! Not another program?! I’m sick of these. They are lukewarm. I spew them out of my mouth! They are tasteless, unhealthy, lack any nutrition, and are in fact toxic.
I want to make it clear that I am not unhappy with the community I am a part of. I have no problem with the communities of people out there. It is something else. It is the boat we sail in. It is the overarching paradigm which constantly tries to confine us by conforming us to itself. I think our community is quite free in many ways, and I appreciate it. It has been grueling but rewarding because of that. But we are still under the yoke of bondage because we all come to the community with visions of what it should be rather than seeing what it actually is. We are still not entirely free of expectations and the resulting judgments. Which means we still have not come to a place of love. We have yet to die to all that came before. The cross is still before us, and we are not yet nailed to it.
The fine art photograph is the creation of my friend Mark Hemmings, and is from his Mannequin series. I thought it was appropriate that this mannequin is in a posture of prayer. It reminds me of us: it is only a posture, but there is no substance. We are not yet real. We are not yet alive because we refuse to die.
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I usually get up very early in the morning and sit by my window overlooking the river while I have my coffee. I use that time to meditate before I start my first lap of painting early in the day before anyone else gets up. However, I detected movement in my backyard and noticed these two fawns grazing and relaxing there. They are beautiful and graceful creatures. It gave me a sense of peace and serenity. I watched them for a long time. One even lied down to rest for a while as the other one kept grazing.
Sure, there seems to be so much to get riled over. There is lots to concern us and tons to be anxious about. Somehow this all misses the point, doesn’t it? Even my frustrations over the church fade in the light of simple beauty. There is a place of peace. There is a profound simplicity to be found and in which to abide. All the storms and assaults of life continue. But isn’t there a deep place of sanctuary where all the conflicting currents ultimately can’t affect us? Isn’t there a vast geography of profound blessing that is full of benediction and peace? Yes, I believe there is, but we must discover it! And it is at once desert and oasis, both terrible and serene.
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I talk with lots of pastors and I talk with lots of church-goers and non-church-goers. Here’s what I’m discovering that’s pretty consistent with all groups: pastors are burning out and full of frustration and resentment because they don’t feel free to be themselves or to be authentic. Church-goers and non-… same thing: we are not allowed to be ourselves or be authentic. For the vast majority of those connected with church in any way, it is one of the most inhumane and soul-murderous thing in their lives. So, I have an idea. Why don’t we all decide right now, starting now, that we all just be ourselves? Why don’t we let down our pretenses and allow others to do the same? Why don’t we just start being authentically who we are and respect others as they try to do the same? Why don’t we all stop playing Church and playing Christian and just be the people that we are? If I am me and you are you and we are the church, then let’s relax and let that reality exist without impinging our expectations and desires and goals and visions upon this reality! We get so anal about needing to live up to some idea we have of what a Christian is and we get so obsessive about what we think the church should look and act like that we miss the fact that we already are these things.
I realize as I write this that some of you will feel compelled to write, “You are right, nakedpastor! We should only be in the image of Christ, and remember that the church is his body!” There are so many problems with this that I can’t even begin to comment on it. First of all, I say discover who you are! And look and see what the church already is with clear and unambitious eyes. Look at yourself and others with love. Let down your guard, your expectations, your religious ideas and finally notice what already is! Scratch all the superfluous. Then you might be able to know the naked self it is you are surrendering to this that you call the Christ.
The fine art photograph is the creation of my friend Howard Nowlan.
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I read a great book over my holiday by Chuck Klosterman, IV
So many artists reach a certain level of success, and then they cross over; they surrender everything to the service of their persona.
Tweedy goes on to reflect on how many people have possibly been destroyed trying to live up to or copy Madonna’s persona, or Keith Richards’.
I’ve talked about this before… about how we so easily can slip into the image we have of ourselves, or how we try to play the role of “Good Christian”, or “pastor” or even communally as “The Church”. It’s dangerous and destructive. As Tweedy notices about Madonna, “You could never get to be that huge unless you surrendered every other impulse in your body to the service of your persona.” I personally think Madonna manifests even greater genius because she’s built into the Madonna persona the ability to change. Now that’s forethought, since one of the greatest dangers of a persona or image is that you are not allowed to change because it would mean the death of the image that has brought so much success. But that is only one of the dangers. Another danger might include the fact that the image isn’t you, but a facade you present to a public who implicitly approves and supports that image. It is a luscious co-dependency. This is why the church flirts with danger when it tries to look successful, present a public image and further it’s noble agendas and become really big.
The fine art photograph is the creation of my friend Howard Nowlan.
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I am really not trying to be difficult. I’m not trying to just be a stick-in-the-mud, a nay-sayer, a pain in the butt. But I’ve seen something, tasted something, heard something, felt something, smelled something, experienced something. And I’m not willing to pretend it didn’t happen. It resounds with truth for me. You see, I’ve gone through extremely painful experiences, not only in the church but at the hands of the church. I’m not looking for pity. I abhor pity. Just as I abhor the opposite side of the same coin: flattery. The things that I’ve experienced have taught me something. They’ve taught me something very very important. I’ve come to see the primacy of freedom for the human being. And I’ve also seen how dreams, visions, agendas, goals, desires and passions enslave people. I’ve been there myself!
When I went through the horrific church split 10 years ago, it tore my heart out. The church was the fulfillment of a dream of mine. When it crashed, a friend advised me to simply get another dream. I immediately saw the vacuous but tempting trap that was being set for me. I rejected it. Since then, I reject dreams. I deny visions. However, a few times the temptations were too great and I fell to the temptation, only for my suspicions to be quickly and violently confirmed: visions and dreams by default destroy the beauty of the present and what is. I try not to concern myself with tomorrow. I endeavor to live in the now. I love what there is for me to love. I live my days. And I encourage others to do the same, including our church community.
Does this mean nothing gets done? Certainly not! I believe that this act of being present, living now, focusing on what is, centering down into the actual, is an enormous source of energy. Hasn’t it been said that doing the same mistake over and over again but expecting different results is the definition of insanity? But we in the church do exactly this! I’m done with it! We’re to be fools, I’m told. Sure, but not insane.
The fine art photograph is the creation of my friend Jorgen Klausen and is from his Mask Series.
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David Hayward is an artist trapped in a pastor's body, stripping to the essential.
