I’m warning you that if you want to have a relational community, a community of friends, a community where people are free to be authentic, honest and open, a community where there’s a collegial effort to share the gathering times, then you are in for chaos! It’s going to be messy. I promise!
It’s not going to be messy for a couple of reasons. One is that you will inevitably have a collection of diverse individuals that are full of surprises… some welcome, some not. But then again, it depends who you are. More about that in a sec. For instance, because my messages aren’t packaged presentations but more conversational in nature, sometimes someone will say something that will totally derail the discussion with some whacky idea. But then again, it depends who you are. But more about that in a sec. Or, if someone decides they’d like to try out the tambourine during the singing but don’t have a lick of rhythm, you have to deal with the sometimes humorous embellishments to the music. But then again, it depends who you are. But more about that in a sec. Or, sometimes during the singing, someone might feel he has something important to share with the community, so he comes up and dominates the stage for a while, sometimes killing the vibe that has been built over the last several minutes with just the right music. But then again, it depends who you are. But more about that in a sec.
But the other reason why it is going to be messy is that it depends on who you are. Some people don’t mind the intellectual derailments, preferring diversity of opinion or enjoying the fact that the authoritative voice (mine) can be challenged or complimented or changed. Some people don’t notice the off-beat tambourine because they don’t have rhythm themselves, or it’s their son, or they love the fact that the band, which used to be elitist, is just that unrestricted now. Some people appreciate the people who sometimes dominate the stage and share what’s on their hearts because they are more emotionally expressive than I am, or they actually do happen to be in touch with issues that are current in peoples’ lives and address these with edifying words. But not everybody appreciates these things all of the time. Including me!
You see, in all these cases (and these kinds of things happen all the time in our community) these things only wreck the mood if I have an agenda I am trying to fulfill, a goal I am trying to reach, a vision I am trying to materialize. The problem with my philosophy (and most people in our community agree with this): everybody can play, is (and this is where people have issues): anybody can play. I could sterilize Sunday morning to where the singers lead their part with explicit instructions to the community that they are not to interfere. Then I can get up and speak with the firm understanding that I alone am permitted to speak uninterrupted. But then, we wouldn’t be who we are, would we? But my, it would be cleaner!
What if the point of community was just to be community that is working towards being a functional, healthy and whole community, a small model of what unity in diversity looks like, a local expression of the Body with all its members? What if the whole point was to appreciate the diversity, encourage it, nurture it and practice it, in spite of our personal preferences, opinions and tastes? Although I’m convinced that this is true, I’m still not sure it is possible.
The fine art photo is the creation of my friend Howard Nowlan. It captures for me the interplay of smooth and rough.
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If we have been brought into a wide and spacious place, then why is every attempt made to limit us to narrow and confined places? Ever since I can remember there were constant attempts to break me, bridle me, saddle me, drill me and ride me. So many things have the tendency to restrict our experience, our thinking, and our life. Instead of helping us to fall more in love and to appreciate the world and all the beauty that is in it, we are taught to remove ourselves, restrain ourselves, restrict ourselves, regulate ourselves and refine ourselves. We are to have life and to have it more abundantly. I don’t think that’s talking about beyond the grave. I think that’s talking about fullness of life now. But instead of living with abandon, we abandon living.
In our community I encourage experimenting with life. I encourage wild and radical and passionate adventures in living. I applaud audacious thinking. It makes it far more challenging because mistakes are made on the road to discovering what is good. I read an interview with an entrepreneur. He said that he failed more than 90% of the time. But that was because he tried so many things, so many start ups. But 10% succeeded and he’s very successful. Those who are very successful in business admit that they’ve made more mistakes than anybody else out there. Why? Because they were willing to risk. But that’s why they’ve succeeded! Same with life I say. True living requires risk.
I don’t want to live a prescribed life. Nor do I want others. I restrain from telling other people how they should live. Ought and must and should are dangerous words I use very rarely. There’s enough of that out there. Let’s think outside the box! Let’s break out of the stall and live outside the corral. Let’s check out the other side of the fence. Here’s to living wildly, adventurously, uniquely and authentically! Here’s to discovering who we are and what we can do in this world! Here’s to making a stir in our communities and inspiring others to do the same! Here’s to living dangerously! For the steps of the righteous are blessed.
The photo is the creation of my daughter Casile.
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I have two fairly prominent inclinations. One is that I want to engage life and challenge it. In the church there’s so much to challenge. I want to take it on. I long for deep and residing change. Transformational! It is something deep and significant. It involves death… the death of what is. The Christian message is all about this: that we must die so that we might live. This is what I am truly interested in and I think passionate about.
But this is what creates the other urge within me, and that is to quit it all and go live in a hermitage way out in the proverbial desert. I am becoming more and more persuaded that the church is only interested in renovations, adjustments and tweaks. But it is because the church is made up of people, and this is all people are interested in. We refuse to die. We reject the cross. I include myself in this. This is why I’m always so tempted to quit and make a meagre living off my art. I won’t settle for rearrangements. But since we resist death, we continue on and on down through the centuries perpetuating the same old cycle of revolution-renewal-ritual, revolution-renewal-ritual, revolution-renewal-ritual… ARGH! And I’m tired of it. This, I think, pretty much defines my struggle.
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Just some random thoughts:
- I love my wife Lisa and our three incredible kids, 20, 18, 14. (One son loves God doesn’t like church. Another son doesn’t believe in God and doesn’t like church, although both love the people thereof. Our daughter… well, if God were a boy she’d be all over him.)
- My heart breaks with love for them.
- I’m smoking more than I should.
- I am having an affair with red wine.
- I love writing. This blog is helping me to find my true voice. Thanks.
- We’re considering new elders/ leaders whatever, and all I’m looking for are people who love and care for this community as it is. I am suspicious of people who have agendas, either for success, growth, revival, or anything like that that will burden or coerce people in any way. I am madly in love with them.
- The world is unbelievably beautiful, and I weep under the welcomed weight of it.
- The world is bent with pain, and I weep with its withering sorrow.
- I am tired.
- I love to cook with Lisa, friends and a fine wine. Nice steak medium rare. Syrah.
- Friends are the most important thing in life. Even God needs them.
The photo is of my daughter Casile (center) and two of her friends, who make me laugh.
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Even though I poke fun at the idea of “sheep” being an analogy for church people, I still find lots of value in it. Here’s just a sample of 10 pointers I’ve taken from the 23rd Psalm for me as a pastor (which is originally taken from the word “shepherd”):
- He makes me lie down in green pastures: Rest is key. When people officially congregate, their is a natural propensity to get busy doing something. I am constantly pruning back busy-ness, activity and programs. I make people stop. I frustrate work-ethics. I am anti-ministry. In rest is our strength. I believe it because I’ve seen its fruitfulness.
- He leads me beside still waters: I endeavor to not create stirs or let them be created. There is peace to be had. There are still waters. There is water we can freely drink from that will not pull us in and drown us. There are people who always want to catastrophize life, portraying it as treacherous and full of danger. Everything has to be a conspiracy. Church has to be full of drama. This is false! There are still waters, and they are right beside us if we would notice.
- He restores my soul: Our original state was wholeness, from which we fell into brokenness. So I automatically assume that people are broken, weary, heavy-laden, and in need of restoration. My job is not to tear people down or condemn them. People are trapped in their illusions and delusions and suffer unfathomable wounds and pains for which there is healing. Anyone and everyone can be and needs to be restored. Restore the people! Read More
I’m exhausted. My friend’s funeral was today. I can’t drum up any energy for an interesting post. I’m just relaxing with Lisa right now. I feel the Spirit is pulling me down… deeper, deeper, deeper. I’ll see you all tomorrow.
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You see this tree, how beautiful he is. He is very tall and stands on a hill just outside my church study. I’ve looked at him every day for years, but only today did I notice him. You may be wondering why I call him “him”. I don’t know. But a good friend of mine a couple of years ago pointed that out to me when I was showing her another tree I admired. I said, “He’s my favorite tree!” She got a kick out of me calling him a “he”. Why did I just notice this tree today? I don’t really know, but I love him and think he is so beautiful. He is not perfect. There are broken branches everywhere, and he is sparse here and there. He is top-heavy. But he is uniquely beautiful just as he is! I felt him saying today that he needed me to paint him. I feel like painting him. So expect me to come up with a watercolor of this tree in the next little while.
The people around me are the same. Every one is unique. Every one is beautiful. In their own way. Like the tree, they are not all pretentious. They just are. Not one of them is perfect. I’ve yet to meet anyone who is the perfect human being, the perfect physical representation of the idea of the human body. But they are each one uniquely beautiful. They deserve to be noticed. And maybe even painted!
Do you remember the end of The Last Samurai? In it, the Samurai Chieftan is looking for the perfect cherry blossom. This is his life endeavor. Then, near the end of the movie when he lies dying on the battlefield, it is snowing cherry blossoms everywhere. He notices them and says, “Perfect! They are all perfect!” Trees. Cherry blossoms. People. They are all beautiful. This is my life endeavor: to notice this. To notice that everyone around me, especially those I care for, are beautiful, standing, blossoming, growing, just as they are. Their beauty is indescribable, if only I would notice!
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I wrote these 10 points for myself, and thought I would share them with you today. Our friend Nato took his own life just weeks ago, and he’s left behind not only some precious memories, but some pretty serious thinking as well. So, although these are for me, listen in if you want:
- LISTEN: People aren’t necessarily fine. Just because someone looks and seems fine, it doesn’t mean they are. I’ve dealt with several suicides before. All of them are a shock, but some more than others. I’ve heard a statistic that about 80% reveal signs beforehand that suicide is an option. The other 20% are a complete shock to everyone, even those closest to them. I’ve learned over the years that people aren’t what they seem. I’ve learned not to be impressed with the persona that’s put out there. I always try to assume that people are wrestling with fundamental issues and many are carrying a great deal of pain. Hear what they are saying, how they are saying it, body language, anything! Underneath the calm can be a great deal of turbulence.
- LEAN: Find someone to lean on. Learn how to express what you are going through. Find someone who can listen to your deepest fears and most intense pain. Learn to not be ashamed of yourself and trust someone with your truest self. If you start thinking life isn’t worth living, immediately realize it is a lie. If you start thinking of suicide, for God’s sake, tell someone! If someone asks you if you are, be honest and tell the truth. Life is worth living! Don’t believe the lie. There is help out there! Try talking. Read More
David Hayward is a pastor artistically stripping to the essential.
