Every day I converse with people who have left the organized church. They are very spiritual people interested in living authentic lives of integrity, justice, love and vocation. But they are turned off of the institution we call church. I understand.
I had squirrels in my house once. Do you know how impossible it is to catch a squirrel? If they smell anything human on the bait, you won’t catch them. Same with my children and so many, many of my friends: if there is any sense of a trap, they won’t even come close. They can smell control and manipulation from a mile away. Even if the control is minor and sincere, they won’t take it. Not even a nibble.
Let’s look at the difference between a family and an institution. The problem with an institution is that it requires the sublimation of individual freedom to some degree. I think a healthy family is otherwise: it promotes individual freedom, nurtures it, encourages it and allows its expression. (Now, when it comes to hurting other people or themselves, then it needs to be addressed. Of course.)
Many of my friends and my own children want to be free. They don’t wish to sublimate their own freedom for the sake of an institution’s security or success. How is the church today different than Molech in the Old Testament that required the sacrifice of our own children for its existence? Can we be a collective, a community, a church, without requiring people to sacrifice themselves for it? Can individually free people gather together without allowing the principalities and powers to subtly take precedence and erode their own freedom for the sake of its own life?
My readers, these are serious questions for serious times.
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When a seed is planted in the appropriate soil, it is planted in a rich composite of properties such as organic elements, minerals, rock and clay particles, acids, water, etc. We can enrich the soil with compost, manure and fertilizers.
Seeds are carriers of information. When we say a seed has a certain DNA, we are saying that it contains certain information. This certain information somehow directs its environment to form the corresponding plant.
We are like plants in soil. As human beings, we are of one kind of seed. So we have a certain DNA that has directed our differing environments to form each of us. Even though we are the generally the same, our differing environments have contributed to some level of uniqueness among us. But are we truly unique? Truly individual?
The main obstacle to freedom is ignorance of oneself and our environment. It is also the main obstacle to individuality. If I am governed only by the opinions and models that I obtain from my surrounding culture then I am not really an individual. Instead, I would only be a particular manifestation of the collective consciousness of humanity. I might have special characteristics, but these are all drawn from the reservoir of human thoughts and feelings. In fact, the Greek root of the word “idiosyncrasy” means “private mixture”. Quantum physicist David Bohm says,
A genuine individual could only be one who was actually free from ignorance of his or her attachment to the collective unconscious. Individuality and true freedom go together and ignorance (or lack of awareness) is the principal enemy of both.
I am not my upbringing. I am not my education. I am not my religion. I am not my job. I am not what people expect of me. I am not public opinion. This could be so. And for so many people it is because this is the easy way. But in order to be really liberated and therefore truly an individual, I must know the truth about my attachments, and being aware of them, be truly free.
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Bear with me as I give you an extended quote from William Glasser’s Choice Theory:
Contributions to nakedpastor are greatly appreciated.The simple operational premise of the external control psychology the world uses is: Punish the people who are doing wrong, so they will do what we say is right; then reward them, so they keep doing what we want them to do. This premise dominates the thinking of most people on earth. What makes this psychology so prevalent is that those who have the power- agents of government, parents, teachers, business managers, and religious leaders, who also define what’s right or wrong- totally support it. And the people they control, having so little control over their own lives, find some security in accepting the control of these powerful people. It is unfortunate that almost no one is aware that this controlling, coercing, or forcing psychology is creating the widespread misery that, as much as we have tried, we have not yet been able to reduce.
This misery continues unabated not because we have thought it over and decided that controlling others is best. Read More
I have homegroup every Wednesday night. Lately I’ve had to drag myself there. Last night was one of those nights. I really didn’t want to go. When this happens, I try to stop and ask myself, “Okay! What’s the real issue here?” I love the people. That’s not the issue. I enjoy being with them. I don’t mind the time involved. Part of my job. I went deeper and got in touch with something I was feeling deep in my gut: I felt the pressure to referee competing and even conflicting theologies. Ah! That’s it. You see, I have a diverse mixture of people who come to the group, whether there are just three of us or twelve or more. Some who come are very conservative in their beliefs and lifestyles. And there are some at the opposite end of the spectrum: very liberal in their beliefs and lifestyles. Sometimes I feel the pressure from people to be the wise guru who will give the proper answer and solve the dilemma. Naturally, people want their pastor to affirm and strengthen their already preciously held beliefs. That veiled pressure was what was bothering me.
Once I discerned this, I felt some relief. I realize my job isn’t to answer their questions or to solve their riddles or to remedy their problems, even though this might be what the people think they need. For instance, there are some in the group who think that in order to be a Christian you have to be a Creationist. Others in the group are blatantly Evolutionists while being Christians. Then there are others in between. I can’t solve that problem. I could wax eloquent about how the story of Genesis is an extended metaphor about how God created ex nihilo, but that doesn’t necessarily negate science’s contributions to the theory of evolution… blah blah blah… But this kind of explanation is usually meaningless to both sides. We don’t change our minds like that. It is usually intellectual trauma that forces change, and it usually ain’t pretty. Which is why we resist such change.
No. My job is to provide a safe context in which people feel free to believe what they believe and still be loved, accepted and even respected in spite of it. What I am interested in is how people of diverse opinion and theologies and lives can dwell together and commit to each other in compassion and peace, and even support one another. It is within that context of freedom that people may grow and feel free to change their minds if they want to. I am to make space for people to be free to undergo personal transformation. Now, that’s what makes my Wednesday evenings so much more interesting and important.
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I’ve been talking with many people lately. It comes with the turf of overseeing a community. However, I’ve been talking with people both inside and outside our community, as well as those who oversee other communities. I have been left with a general impression:
People are restricted from being themselves. There’s lots of talk about authenticity because it’s cool and post-modern to do so, but it isn’t really practiced or really welcomed as it should be. Many people I know who aren’t a part of a community are afraid that as soon as they approach one, then expectations will be heaped on them and that they’ll have to hide or even eliminate parts of their personalities, life-styles or ideas. Even those a part of community are afraid of being found out or have to perpetually fight for the right to freedom of expression. And their are many people overseeing other communities that fear being discovered and have to conceal whole parts of their personalities, preferences or thoughts. This goes for our inner life too. Serious doubts and questions must be given room! Of course, as a community it is healthy to provide a safe place for people to be authentic. But it has to be safe for all people. If there are people hurting others, this has to be addressed immediately because community is about mutual love and service. We intend to help, not hurt.
I feel the constant pressure to be all that the people want me to be. The pressure is enormous. Fortunately, we here have great respect for each other and my authenticity is quite free. In fact, I can’t imagine it being any more free. It’s been hard won. And I’m grateful. I hope theirs is free too. It’s a gift to be able to discover who you are and to grow into that… a gift to oneself and to others. And when the Other asks for us, it is a gift to give what we actually are rather than the image we have spent years craving and morphing ourselves into.
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Something very good has happened to our community. If you haven’t been following along with my blog, in a nutshell… we sold some land and after over a decade of financial stress, we’ve suddenly paid off our mortgage. The benefits of this abound, one of them being that I suddenly don’t have to wonder if I’m going to get my next paycheck.
Theories abound as to why this has happened to us. As curious, existential, human beings we’re always trying to figure out the cause and effect of life. We’re always trying to find the secret to success (in order to secure it) and the formula for failure (in order to prevent it). Some of the theories are:
- We are being rewarded for our perseverance. I couldn’t tell you how many times we nearly threw in the towel but decided to give it one more Sunday, one more month. Almost everybody else concluded we were dead in the water and would never recover from such devastation. And frequently I felt that way. However, eleven years later we are still going… by the skin of our teeth… when out of the blue we are approached by a company offering us a proposal to buy land that we couldn’t refuse. Overnight, we might conclude, our perseverance paid off.
- Several years after the split in 1997, we made a risky financial decision to give away to charity and other struggling churches 10% of whatever income we made. We did this as a step of trust. We were going to be generous no matter what the cost, even if it meant not paying me. Some believe that it is because of our financial sacrifice that we are being rewarded financially.
- The split in 1997 was horrendous and I would never want to experience that again. It was nasty and cruel and devastating. We had to hold to a difficult decision that cost us almost everything. We felt that we were doing the right thing, in spite of the consequences. We became the laughingstock, the reproach of almost all of our neighbors. Now, some might believe that this is our vindication, the final proof that we were right all along and that we are finally being exonerated in everyone’s eyes.
- I feel one of the issues that caused so many people to get upset and split away from us was because I was liberal in my treatment of others. For those who were very conservative and perhaps more religious saw this as a libertine… an unfortunate and dangerous thing. It was the equivalent of endorsing sin. Others saw my approach as liberating, and finally found a community in which they could discover and express their unique authenticity. Some might believe that this sudden financial release is a public endorsement of who we are and what we are about.
I could go on. I don’t know if any one of the above “causes” brought about the “effect” we are enjoying now. In fact, we just don’t know, can’t know, and mustn’t know. We don’t even know if there is a cause and effect, a connection between something we do and a result. This is one of the greatest mysteries of life, that we can neither know our deepest motives nor the guarantee of the intended result. No one knows the heart of people and what goes on in our inner thoughts, not even ourselves. We would love to believe that if we do this, that will happen. We would be thrilled if The Secret were true. But it isn’t! We have no idea if this financial development in our community is because of any value we possess, any good we’ve done, or whether it is just an act of mercy, a gracious move of deliverance from years of stress, struggle and sacrifice. Some would question even that.
This kind of cause and effect reasoning is inevitable in our minds but futile. The opposite could be true: that we suffered for over a decade because of a bad decision we made in 1997 and that we were being justly punished for it. And now that the time of our judgment was up, we are finally released. Again, we just don’t know. We simply have to humbly acknowledge that in spite of our good, we may suffer, and in spite of our evil, we may live abundantly. In any case, I have learned that at all times the proper posture is the embracing of both repentance and gratitude, dying and living, sorrow and rejoicing.
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Lisa and I are insurance poor. That’s just one of our problems. We’ve got to figure out ways to bring down these expenses! Late last night, while we were talking about our insurances, we came to the conclusion that we could cut some of them. We are definitely over-insured. If I died she’d be set for life. If she died, I’d be doing very well… financially anyway. I suggest that when I die she just dump me in the river across the street. I’d take care of the rest. Then I said, “I think I could probably bury you for $10,000!” Well we started to laugh uncontrollably. I mean, we couldn’t talk and couldn’t stop. She was laughing/crying like she sometimes does. I said, “I don’t literally mean that. I don’t want to bury you…” and more laughter, in a tragic kind of way. We were laughing so hard that Abby, our dog, was getting nervous and started to whine and bark, finally wanting out of the room. In between fits of laughter, I said I could imagine myself shopping around for the best deal, hoping to have money left over to at least buy a bottle of good scotch. I could joke about fridge boxes and paying myself for doing the funeral. Then, when her laughter/crying started to turn more into crying/laughter, we felt the mood change. This is serious. We looked in each other’s eyes. Oh my love… the road we’ve travelled!
I love this girl! We’ve been together since she just turned 18. I was 21. We got married the next year. Yes, I married a teenager. We both remember talking about when we got married that we would be happy just living in a shack with one single bed and nothing else but the breath of God. That’s all we needed, because that’s all we’d use. We were crazy in love and we were happy… naturally. We are still in love. And the romance is still there. But the happiness has to be fought for. It’s more elusive. It seems that the g-force of life endeavors to suck the happiness out of us and inject dull drudgery into our life and into our love. Money has for too long been the dispenser of our fate. We’re determined to overcome this. And we will. Because we do love each other, and we love our love. We want our happiness to be ours. We want our lives to be filled with delight. We want to restore the joy of our love and the adventure of our lives. We want to return to simpler times, when all we needed was each other and the skin we were in.
This is a photo of Lisa on our first date. Oh man!
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Lisa and I have been talking a lot about money lately. We want to live more simply. We’ve even considered living without credit. We’ve had credit ever since we can remember. By now we have thousands and thousands of dollars accessible to us, immediately, with just one swipe. Which is one reason why we are in the trouble we are in. I mean, we have been victims of trauma, unemployment, failed busines efforts, illness and accidents, but we’ve also become victims of our own consumerism. We live in such a culture that encourages, nurtures and supports this.
But we’ve just realized something: we’ve been trusting our credit. We’ve been walking the high tightrope thinking we’ve been trusting The All in All. In fact, we’ve been trusting the net luxuriously spread out beneath us, waiting to softly catch us should we fall. It hasn’t been him, but Money, that we’ve been serving. Money, the almighty ruling power over our lives. We’ve learned, finally, that we have been serving it. It rules over us, bossing us around, making us happy or sad, strong or weak, abundant or scarce, generous or miserly. And this realization has leaked over into other areas of our lives, so that we question just how much trust we’ve had at all. Or have we been enjoying peace because of our country, life because of our health, happiness because of our many distractions, and our daily bread because of our stuffed cupboards, fridge and freezer? It is strange to see so clearly that debt is Money’s Hell… a place that offers the full luxuries of our imaginations that aren’t real, but borrowed, empty, temporary, and stolen. When seen for what it is, much of debt is the Negative Unreal which is Hell.
It seems that the he is getting shoved further and further into the corner. He’s been less a part of our lives than we thought, less important, less necessary. OR, he’s been in all this, woven throughout this story like a strong thread linking it all together and bringing us to this point of admission. In any case, I’ve discovered that it is the most difficult thing to wean myself from my favorite idol, my most useful and tangible god. But we are determined to make money submit to us, to make it serve us rather than us it. There must be a way to live free and simple, with money in its proper place. There must be a deliverance from this land of slavery to a land flowing with milk and honey.
So… I think I’m going to go ice-fishing and see if any fish have coins in their mouths.
The image is of a painting of mine called “Ice-Fishing”.
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David Hayward is a pastor artistically stripping to the essential.
