This is not an attack on the wealthy, but a more subtle and illustrative way of challenging we who are more willing to change the conditions rather than ourselves. We would much rather spend our time and energy customizing our contexts rather than transforming our minds, thereby renewing our lives.
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Something very good has happened to our community. If you haven’t been following along with my blog, in a nutshell… we sold some land and after over a decade of financial stress, we’ve suddenly paid off our mortgage. The benefits of this abound, one of them being that I suddenly don’t have to wonder if I’m going to get my next paycheck.
Theories abound as to why this has happened to us. As curious, existential, human beings we’re always trying to figure out the cause and effect of life. We’re always trying to find the secret to success (in order to secure it) and the formula for failure (in order to prevent it). Some of the theories are:
- We are being rewarded for our perseverance. I couldn’t tell you how many times we nearly threw in the towel but decided to give it one more Sunday, one more month. Almost everybody else concluded we were dead in the water and would never recover from such devastation. And frequently I felt that way. However, eleven years later we are still going… by the skin of our teeth… when out of the blue we are approached by a company offering us a proposal to buy land that we couldn’t refuse. Overnight, we might conclude, our perseverance paid off.
- Several years after the split in 1997, we made a risky financial decision to give away to charity and other struggling churches 10% of whatever income we made. We did this as a step of trust. We were going to be generous no matter what the cost, even if it meant not paying me. Some believe that it is because of our financial sacrifice that we are being rewarded financially.
- The split in 1997 was horrendous and I would never want to experience that again. It was nasty and cruel and devastating. We had to hold to a difficult decision that cost us almost everything. We felt that we were doing the right thing, in spite of the consequences. We became the laughingstock, the reproach of almost all of our neighbors. Now, some might believe that this is our vindication, the final proof that we were right all along and that we are finally being exonerated in everyone’s eyes.
- I feel one of the issues that caused so many people to get upset and split away from us was because I was liberal in my treatment of others. For those who were very conservative and perhaps more religious saw this as a libertine… an unfortunate and dangerous thing. It was the equivalent of endorsing sin. Others saw my approach as liberating, and finally found a community in which they could discover and express their unique authenticity. Some might believe that this sudden financial release is a public endorsement of who we are and what we are about.
I could go on. I don’t know if any one of the above “causes” brought about the “effect” we are enjoying now. In fact, we just don’t know, can’t know, and mustn’t know. We don’t even know if there is a cause and effect, a connection between something we do and a result. This is one of the greatest mysteries of life, that we can neither know our deepest motives nor the guarantee of the intended result. No one knows the heart of people and what goes on in our inner thoughts, not even ourselves. We would love to believe that if we do this, that will happen. We would be thrilled if The Secret were true. But it isn’t! We have no idea if this financial development in our community is because of any value we possess, any good we’ve done, or whether it is just an act of mercy, a gracious move of deliverance from years of stress, struggle and sacrifice. Some would question even that.
This kind of cause and effect reasoning is inevitable in our minds but futile. The opposite could be true: that we suffered for over a decade because of a bad decision we made in 1997 and that we were being justly punished for it. And now that the time of our judgment was up, we are finally released. Again, we just don’t know. We simply have to humbly acknowledge that in spite of our good, we may suffer, and in spite of our evil, we may live abundantly. In any case, I have learned that at all times the proper posture is the embracing of both repentance and gratitude, dying and living, sorrow and rejoicing.
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We burned our mortgage at the church Saturday night. It was quite a celebration. Several Vineyard leaders were there, including Gary and Joy Best, the national directors. They all spoke very affirming and life-giving words over our community. I did burn the actual statement which I and the treasurer signed for the bank stating that our original mortgage was $450,000. And now it is all up in smoke! Along with the mortgage, I also burned several papers that I had what I called the “fine print” of the mortgage… symbolic of the burden we’d been carrying by ourselves ever since the beginning, but the weight of which doubled after our church split down the middle in 1997. The “fine print” were the many negative words, even curses, that had been spoken over our church over the years. Here’s just some of them:
“I suggest you seriously think about closing down the church, selling it all off, and walking away.”
“In order to sustain such a large mortgage, you need to double the size of your congregation within the year.”
“Hello? May I speak with David Hayward. This is so-and-so from the Royal Bank. There are some issues that have come to our attention that need to be addressed immediately.”
Me: “Colin (our treasurer and retired banker), how do we tell the bank that we’re just going to have to trust God in language they can understand?” Colin: “Ha-ha-ha!”
“There are people waiting like vultures for you to die!”
“I predict that in a few years you will have a few people, and that they will have high gifting but low character. Then soon after that you will close as a church.”
“Have you ever considered just shutting the whole thing down?”
“You should get a full-time job so that the church can keep up with its mortgage payments.”
“They got you by the balls!”
“Honey, I shrunk the church!”
“You can always fold.”
“Sure, you can believe in faith and prayer and waiting, but what you need right now is money!”
“Are there any wealthy people in your congregation who can inject large sums of money into the budget?”
“You should start a pledge campaign as well as increase tithing. A little pressure applied in the right place wouldn’t hurt!”
“Your church has no future!”
“I simply can’t see how you can survive another year!”
“Have you ever considered the possibility that the devil used you to destroy God’s work?”
“You are an Absolom, and like Absolom, you and your kingdom will die!”
“Jezebel!”
“You and your church will become the laughingstock of this whole region!”
“We’re going to die! We’re all going to die!”
“Looks to me like you need a miracle!”
Well, that’s enough for now. You get the picture. I had written each of these on sheets of paper. I read them aloud, one by one, and as I read them, I tossed them into the fire, never to have power over us again, God willing. The pungent smell of smoke filled the sanctuary. And it was a beautiful aroma… like incense. The photo is of me burning the mortgage. Nice fire!
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Last night I had a dream:
I’m preaching in a large older church. I’m telling them that what I fear when I wake up on a Sunday morning is not the preaching, that I’ll preach a poor sermon or get the words wrong and embarrass myself. What I fear is that I will not be serving Jesus Christ, but instead the organization, giving it what it wants to hear rather than the truth. What I fear is compromising in order to keep my job. This is my greatest fear.
Then, this older, well known, rich and established preacher challenges me and tries to interrupt me. He gets in my face. I try to keep going but he gets more and more aggressive, trying to correct me until he finally grapples with me, forcing us to the ground. He karate chops me on the neck. I’m trying to ask for help from those around but no one helps. He finally gets up and starts to leave. I ask why he did that to me. He does not answer me.
Tonight our church is having our mortgage burning celebration. This is a big deal! Ever since the devastating church split we suffered in 1997, we’ve carried the weight of a huge and debilitating mortgage. There have been more times than I care to remember feeling that we weren’t going to make it. All it would’ve taken was one bad Sunday to shut us down. I really wondered if God simply brought me here to crash this church safely into the ground. We’ve been riding the razor’s edge for so long that we’ve become rather accustomed to it. Now, with no mortgage, we’re like calves let out of the stalls in springtime. We really don’t know how to handle the wide open space before us. But we’re happy to give it a try!
Many people have been invited to come, including other Vineyard leaders. I feel awkward. Ever since I was a child I’ve felt I thought differently. I was different. I kept this to myself. I was the most obedient and compliant child. I never challenged my father outwardly or any other authority. Inwardly, I knew I had my own thoughts… my own way of thinking and being and doing. I’ve always feared that I would be rejected because of my uniqueness. I’ve always feared that if I came out I would be discarded. I’m still that way. I know I think differently. I know I behave differently. I know I am different. In fact, I’ve been called defiant in my uniqueness. But at the same time I have this fear of rejection because of it. I am this strange mixture of defiance and compliance. I feel this way with the other leaders that are coming tonight. I want to be myself. But I want them to accept me.
So I’m nervous. I’m nervous for me and for our church community. I feel protective of our uniqueness. But at the same time I feel the temptation to be ashamed of it. I feel defiant that we have the right to be unique, independent and autonomous. But at the same time I feel the need to be accepted, endorsed and loved. I realize this is my issue. It’s my stuff. This is an awesome community. I’m deeply proud of them. They are my crown. I love them. I know other communities are coming to share in our celebration and rejoice with us. So I’m trying to relax and enjoy this fantastic day in the life of our community. I’m going to try to frolic in this new freedom that’s been suddenly and surprisingly handed to us.
The picture is of a large watercolor painting of mine, a self-portrait. It took me forever to paint and is now in the private collection of a local collector. Notice the three trees are actually crosses. I call it “Self-Portrait: Cross Stream”. Prints are available here.
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Lisa and I have been talking a lot about money lately. We want to live more simply. We’ve even considered living without credit. We’ve had credit ever since we can remember. By now we have thousands and thousands of dollars accessible to us, immediately, with just one swipe. Which is one reason why we are in the trouble we are in. I mean, we have been victims of trauma, unemployment, failed busines efforts, illness and accidents, but we’ve also become victims of our own consumerism. We live in such a culture that encourages, nurtures and supports this.
But we’ve just realized something: we’ve been trusting our credit. We’ve been walking the high tightrope thinking we’ve been trusting The All in All. In fact, we’ve been trusting the net luxuriously spread out beneath us, waiting to softly catch us should we fall. It hasn’t been him, but Money, that we’ve been serving. Money, the almighty ruling power over our lives. We’ve learned, finally, that we have been serving it. It rules over us, bossing us around, making us happy or sad, strong or weak, abundant or scarce, generous or miserly. And this realization has leaked over into other areas of our lives, so that we question just how much trust we’ve had at all. Or have we been enjoying peace because of our country, life because of our health, happiness because of our many distractions, and our daily bread because of our stuffed cupboards, fridge and freezer? It is strange to see so clearly that debt is Money’s Hell… a place that offers the full luxuries of our imaginations that aren’t real, but borrowed, empty, temporary, and stolen. When seen for what it is, much of debt is the Negative Unreal which is Hell.
It seems that the he is getting shoved further and further into the corner. He’s been less a part of our lives than we thought, less important, less necessary. OR, he’s been in all this, woven throughout this story like a strong thread linking it all together and bringing us to this point of admission. In any case, I’ve discovered that it is the most difficult thing to wean myself from my favorite idol, my most useful and tangible god. But we are determined to make money submit to us, to make it serve us rather than us it. There must be a way to live free and simple, with money in its proper place. There must be a deliverance from this land of slavery to a land flowing with milk and honey.
So… I think I’m going to go ice-fishing and see if any fish have coins in their mouths.
The image is of a painting of mine called “Ice-Fishing”.
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Yesterday I met with someone who asked about my message that morning. I insist that you can’t embrace the reality of the cross and pursue the security of success at the same time. I also said that we could increase the attendance at our church as well as the giving, but I can’t prioritize that with a clear conscience if I hold Jesus Christ and him crucified at the center of all I believe and do. This person asked, “What would you do, if you felt free to do it, that would increase the attendance and giving?” I’ve thought about it, and I came up with a rather cynical (yes, I know… unusual for me) list of 10 things you could do to achieve better attendance and giving:
- Don’t allow people to participate in the worship band or any other prominent, visible ministry who don’t have excellent attendance and who don’t tithe.
- Befriend the good, consistent supporters and avoid those who aren’t these things. Everyone wants to be in the inner circle.
- Reward those who give with frequent public recognition and praise.
- Teach that giving to the church is what gets God acting on our behalf.
- Always concoct the impression that something great is just about to happen so that the level of anticipation keeps people coming, expecting the special event to happen at anytime. Keep the excitement level high and eliminate the darker realities of human emotions from the service.
- Sow the idea that going to church whenever it is open is the same as being the church.
- Never be afraid to use fear or guilt as a motivator for beneficial results. You must realize that these are the greatest causes for seeing almost immediately the effects you want.
- Blame sin for the reason why people don’t advance in the church. This creates the idea that perfection is what produces promotion.
- Use incentives such as fund-raisers, pledge campaigns, bake-sales, auctions… anything that will fondle money out of people who normally wouldn’t let go of it so easily.
- Brand and market yourself and your church as wealthy, successful and positive, then play the part yourself. This will create the ethos of prosperity and success that attracts money.
Maybe you have some suggestions of your own?
The fine art photograph is the creation of my friend Mark Hemmings and is from his mannequin series.
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Years ago, on a flight out to California, I read a magazine that had been left in my seat. It was The Financial Post (1997). The article that caught my attention was “Acts of Faith“. It was a story about Father Quinn working for justice down in South America. I can’t remember where now. It was an incredible find because it provided some counsel that would sustain me in the very difficult years that were to follow. The article says,
Father Quinn has accepted government funding in his time, but he has always refused to compromise his principals for any sum of money.
The courage of the man, not only resisting temptations to compromise his message and work for financial support, but also working against incredible opposition that at times was cruel and brutal, struck me deeply. I think similar temptations face us every day. In the ministry, I am completely aware of the power of money to determine what we do or don’t do. One of the first things that comes to my mind, I must admit, when I am faced with a difficult situation in the church, is, “What effect will this have on our income?” I admit it. I’ve long since decided to go forward with what I believe I must without allowing the increase or decrease of income interrupt it.
I learned it first, and hard, about 10 years ago when I made a decision that ultimately caused my church to split right down the middle. We saw our income as a church drop over 50% because, unfortunately, many of those who left were some of the most generous givers. Those who split off were even advised by other pastors to withhold their offerings to put pressure on the leadership team to comply with their demands. We refused to buckle under their pressure, and we’ve not only survived, but I think we are healthier for it. Since then, for the most part, I’ve not allowed economics to be a factor in pursuing our vision. It’s also caused me to realize that my vision of what the church can be cannot depend on the success of it’s environment. If my church is only healthy if its finances are good, then there’s a problem. If the church’s health depends on government handouts, social acceptability, or external support, then it’s not at its healthiest. Quinn was quoted in the article as saying,
We always work in such a way that if the devil got the throne, we’d be okay.
In other words, if their work only succeeded with the tolerance or even cooperation and support of the government or the society, then inevitably it would become a tool of the government and society for it’s own self-interests. I’ve tried to operate with the same attitude: even if Satan was in control of the finances, social acceptance, culture, buildings, religion, the world– everything– we’d be okay. We’re not there yet, but we’re getting there.
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David Hayward is a pastor artistically stripping to the essential.
