This last weekend I was at a conference. One day one of the speakers spoke on love. I was moved to desire to love more deeply. Here’s some of the commitments I made:
- I relinquish all control of others, and commit to the liberation all people.
- I choose to be kind, even to the meanest.
- I celebrate the success of others, even my enemies.
- I refuse to protect, secure or improve my reputation.
- I renounce pride, and consider others as better than I.
- I decline making demands, even when it would be expected and accepted.
- I forsake irritation, even with the most irritating.
- I quit resentment, and keep no record of any wrongs done against me.
- I work for and celebrate justice for others.
- I propagate the truth of unconditional love, confident that it will win the day.
- I will not give up on, lose faith in, or cease hoping for anyone.
- I choose a love that endures through all circumstances.
That should keep me occupied. At least for today.
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I’ve been thinking about what holds us together as a community. This has been on my mind because of the many people I hear from, almost daily, who are hungering for true community but can’t find it. I see this especially in the young, who have no interest in what used to define community. They are looking for something else.
It has become obvious to me that, for instance, it isn’t the marriage license, the certificate, the paper, that holds a marriage together. It has also become increasingly obvious to me that neither do the vows, the promises, or the wedding ceremony, hold a marriage together. I’ve also become aware that compatibility, having things in common, sharing a common goal or vision, is not the cohesive glue in a relationship either.
Translate this analogy of marriage into community life, you have the same thing. Being a member does not hold a community together. Being a part of a church doesn’t keep it. Neither do the sacraments or vows or promises. Neither does theological unity or common goals or a shared vision hold it together.
It can only be love, mutual love, that holds a relationship or a community together. What I am trying to say is that we have to get to the place where we realize that we just can’t expect people to remain committed to each other because it is expected, or promises were made, or there is uniformity in whatever area, or that there is a common goal we’ve set for them. People, especially younger people, aren’t interested in uniformity, conformity, or forms of any kind. There must be genuine acceptance, honesty, authenticity, freedom, and love for community to work. This requires intense energy from each person, and nothing outside of themselves can be called upon to ensure the relationship will work… no authority, document, ruler, goal, vision, practice, or tradition.
This is why I don’t strive for theological uniformity, homogeneity in life-style, protocol, authority, submission, legal agreement, or anything of the sort. These no longer matter. It comes down to love, its practice. That is, the way of love.
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David Hayward is a pastor artistically stripping to the essential.
