- Can you speak your mind…
- Can you openly confess your sin…
- Can you share your perpetual struggles…
- Can you make a mistake…
- Can you question the bible and theology…
- Can you lose your faith…
- Can you come out of the closet…
- Can you fail…
- Can you crash…
- Can you be chronically depressed…
…without fear of reprisal, alienation, demotion, isolation or removal? If you can’t, find a place where you can. Because there are such places. I know this for a fact.
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Yesterday I brought up a subject that caused quite a stir in our community. But first, I spoke for a while about how we are often being prepared something necessary and good in the midst of our adversaries and adversity. God is not flustered by adversity. Neither need we be. The bible assumes we will have adversaries and adversity. It is part of life. It is how we live in the midst of this that the bible addresses. God doesn’t see adversity as a malevolent alien to our life, but a part of our life. God prepares a table for us in the midst of it, not once it is over.
After I spoke on the issue of adversity for a while, I informed the community that the idea has been tentatively raised that the church that split off from us might be interested in renting our building as their meeting place. I don’t think I’m speaking out of school because the issue is now public. There are no secrets. I opened up the floor for discussion and there was lots said and emotions expressed. I loved it… not because we are anywhere near a decision or anything like that. I loved it because these people feel free to speak their minds, no matter how shocking or disturbing or unprocessed it might be. The sign of a healthy community is not having it all together, but being able to speak freely.
I came to the conclusion, almost as soon as people started to share their concerns, fears and questions, that the conclusion isn’t going to be the most important thing, but the process. This will be good to go through all these tangled notions and emotions and pull our forgiveness to a deeper place and our wisdom to a richer expression love. I don’t know how it is going to turn out. I think forgiveness and love can be expressed either way. And right now I don’t care. All I know is that this community will be better for even thinking about it. And for that I’m grateful.
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Am I a conspiracy theorist? When I critique communities as a place where control is a predominant feature, many people respond that they are glad that this doesn’t play a part in their own communities and that it hasn’t been their experience. I have some thoughts.
I believe that the overwhelming gravitational pull of any group is toward control. Even though I myself am suspicious of control, critical of authority and concerned with people management, I believe that control still plays too great a role in my own community. It is a daily temptation and takes continuous analysis, resistance and even revolt to prevent control, coercion and manipulation from entering into our communal life and its leadership. And it still finds a way in! We all collaborate in this pattern.
The natural tendency of the human being is toward domination and slavery, even though the heart might think it desires freedom. Freedom isn’t automatic. Authenticity isn’t a given. So I don’t believe other communities are free of it. Just don’t. In Jose Saramago’s book, The Cave
We might not be saying, “You are not allowed to be authentic! You are not allowed to think and speak freely!” That would be wrong. But we create environments where freedom and authenticity are silently discouraged, and where it takes an enormous amount of courage and risk to be free and authentic. I know a pastor who was required by his higher-ups that his music always be celebratory. But he wanted room for songs of lament, anger and even doubt. No! Just positive celebration. He was dismissed. You see, no one was overtly saying, “You are not allowed to be sad!” They just created an environment, an artificial one, in which sadness would’ve been out of place. If our lessons are totally positive, assertive and confident, then doubt and questions sound awkward and, as a result, they are not given a voice. We do it all the time people! Even with our own spouses and children.
On one level I believe those who say they haven’t experienced control in their community and that they are free of it now. But I would like to ask the questions: “What kind of mood does your community try to foster when you gather together? What other moods does this synthetic mood automatically silence?” Now we’re getting closer to the truth of it.
The fine art photograph is the creation of my friend Mark Hemmings, and is from his mannequin series.
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I read a marvelous book last week, The Cave
I think we need to allow one another to live and think freely. My experience of church as well as the experience of many others is that it is a highly controlled state. You are not allowed to think freely. You are not allowed to be authentic. I have been punished and I’ve seen others suffer the consequences for even questioning the status quo or for being themselves. The oppression in these environments is crushing. It kills the human spirit and enslaves the soul. I remember years ago when I was going to see a spiritual director. At one point I confessed, “I’m not sure I believe in God anymore!” She promptly replied, “Oh, come on! That’s impossible! Sure you believe in God.” I ended our directorial relationship soon after that because I wasn’t allowed to question.
Creating a place for thinking freely or providing an atmosphere for authenticity isn’t easy. It is unbelievably challenging, uncomfortable, chaotic and unpredictable. Sure, it is far easier to have people believe and speak according to certain criteria, and for them all to behave accordingly. Far more manageable. But it isn’t real. It isn’t humane. It is death.
Allow people to question, and question seriously. Let them question even the foundations! And let them experiment with what it means to live authentically, without always having a mental finger on their edit button. It will be messy, but far more genuine.
The fine art photograph is the creation of my friend Howard Nowlan.
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I talk with lots of pastors and I talk with lots of church-goers and non-church-goers. Here’s what I’m discovering that’s pretty consistent with all groups: pastors are burning out and full of frustration and resentment because they don’t feel free to be themselves or to be authentic. Church-goers and non-… same thing: we are not allowed to be ourselves or be authentic. For the vast majority of those connected with church in any way, it is one of the most inhumane and soul-murderous thing in their lives. So, I have an idea. Why don’t we all decide right now, starting now, that we all just be ourselves? Why don’t we let down our pretenses and allow others to do the same? Why don’t we just start being authentically who we are and respect others as they try to do the same? Why don’t we all stop playing Church and playing Christian and just be the people that we are? If I am me and you are you and we are the church, then let’s relax and let that reality exist without impinging our expectations and desires and goals and visions upon this reality! We get so anal about needing to live up to some idea we have of what a Christian is and we get so obsessive about what we think the church should look and act like that we miss the fact that we already are these things.
I realize as I write this that some of you will feel compelled to write, “You are right, nakedpastor! We should only be in the image of Christ, and remember that the church is his body!” There are so many problems with this that I can’t even begin to comment on it. First of all, I say discover who you are! And look and see what the church already is with clear and unambitious eyes. Look at yourself and others with love. Let down your guard, your expectations, your religious ideas and finally notice what already is! Scratch all the superfluous. Then you might be able to know the naked self it is you are surrendering to this that you call the Christ.
The fine art photograph is the creation of my friend Howard Nowlan.
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I’ve been musing over the movie The Journals of Knud Rasmussen that I commented on HERE. It is a powerful film that slowly burrowed its way deep into my mind and demands that I consider it. It’s the story of a shaman of the Inuit people and his beautiful daughter in the 1920’s, when Christianity and civilization sweep into their culture. At one point in the movie they travel from their village which is alive with joyful laughter, a beautiful simplicity and a profound generosity. They eventually make their way to another village which has converted to Christianity under the ministry of some priests. On their way, one of the travelers claims he saw a family in the wilderness. The shaman says no, that what he saw were “Shadow People”. They look like us, but they are not like us. Some people think they are real people, some trade with them and some even marry them. But they are only shadows of real people.
When they make it to the village, the converted Inuit come out to meet them singing hymns. They are friendly to the whites that have arrived because they assume they are Christians. From then on, we only see this village incessantly singing their hymns. That’s the only way they are allowed to eat: if they sing hymns and pray to Jesus. We see a people that were once happy, free and liberal in their generosity become non-stop hymn-singers listening to boring sermons, morose and begging for food. I thought, “These are the Shadow People. They aren’t real! They are only shadows of their former selves, thanks to my religion.” It is a sad documentary on what religion can do to an entire culture and to true spirituality, and eventually to a people. It made me honestly ask myself:
- Do I force people to change? In other words, are we murdering the spirit of people with religious expectations, requirements, or rituals?
- Is there anything our people are required to do in order to receive something? In other words, do we use coercion to achieve even a noble end?
- Do I treat people with a different faith or with no faith differently than people who believe like I do? In other words, does our community show partiality?
- Like the village chief, do I hold the reins of power and dominate people in any way?
- Do I respect and honor people where they are right now? Or do I judge people according to my own standards? This is not to endorse all beliefs and behaviors, but do I categorically disqualify people based on these?
- Do I encourage and does our community allow people to come out of their own shadow existence and be real, genuine, authentic and free, no matter how different or even offensive that may be?
This film made me angry at the damage we can do to others. It was a time of serious self-analysis. I’m still not over it.
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My new and thoughtful online friend John over at microclesia informed me of this link. I got a kick out of it because the musician who plays guitar for Sting talks about being “naked”… which is why John thought I should view it, me being a naked pastor and all! Check it out HERE.
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David Hayward is a pastor artistically stripping to the essential.
