Monthly Archives: June 2010

Default Reset

I feel like my default is being reset.

The last couple of years of my church career was, shall I say, brutal. It was extremely difficult. I’m not blaming the church as much as my own lack of maturity and resilience as a person and as a pastor. But it was, in any case, very challenging, exhausting and disappointing. Toward the end anyway.

I recognize now that I was not living very much in joy. I had allowed the increasing weight of my responsibilities, struggles and losses to dampen my spirits. The exterior attritions eroded my resolve until I experienced attrition interiorly.

Lisa knew. Nearer the end she would often observe, “You’re not happy.” I couldn’t respond to that honestly at the time because I knew what it would mean. The ramifications were enormous, not just for me personally but for my church.

The truth is, as someone who was always considered buoyant, my default setting had become melancholic. I was mostly sad with occasional bouts of happiness. But now my original default setting is being restored. I’m enjoying happiness with occasional bouts of sadness.

And this setting’s just fine.

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cartoon: kick

Anatomical humor in the church is always so inappropriate that you can’t help laughing. I was there one morning when the preacher said that Jesus rode into Jerusalem on the ass of a colt. It took a while even for him to restore himself.

I was there another time when something was said to a bunch of kids about the disciples going to fetch Jesus’ ass. Uncontrollable.

There’s a worship song where there’s a line, “Let me lay my head upon your breast.” The worship leader sang, to the hysterical horror of everyone there, “Let me lay my breast upon your head.” We can never sing that song again.

Anybody have similar stories you’d like to share with us?

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cartoon: closing time

I do not judge this man. I feel for him. Maybe this is the anniversary of his wife’s leaving him. Maybe he has no friends and is lonely. Maybe his church gives him a hard time. Maybe he just found out one of his kids is in trouble. Maybe he’s lost his faith and doesn’t want to lose his job. Or maybe he’s an alcoholic. Maybe the bartender is the closest thing he’s found to someone who cares.

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Church and Accretions

I don’t subscribe to using IC to stand for Institutional Church in a negative or pejorative way. Institutions can’t be helped. Biblically, institutions are of the created order. They just are, just as we are. My own immediate family is full of institutions. Marriage is an institution. Family is an institution. Public education is an institution. The government we find ourselves under is an institution. Even our supper is an institution. We have instituted it almost every day at around 5pm that all five of us sit around the table and eat together, as much as we are able.

The problems would start, however, if it felt like an institution. If it becomes forced, contrived, demanded, required, staged, and it no longer is permeated with grace, love and care, then the natural truth of it dies and only the institutional and organized shell remains.

The great American essayist Wendell Berry writes in his excellent essay, “God and Country” (in What Are People For?):

It is clearly possible that, in the condition of the world as the world now is, organization can force upon an institution a character that is alien or even antithetical to it. The organized church comes immediately under a compulsion to think of itself, and identify itself to the world, not as an institution synonymous with its truth and its membership, but as a hodgepodge of funds, properties, projects, and offices, all urgently requiring economic support.

This is why I think such voices such as Berry’s, who is often called a prophetic voice in America today, are needed in this world. He helps us differentiate between the truth of, say, the church, and the false of, say, the accretions that attach itself to it. I recognize that even though I am no longer on staff at an institutional or organized church, I am still a part of the church and desire to be a responsible member of it.

It is my community. So it is my personal challenge to be a part of the institution in a responsible way.

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cartoon: Hell

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prayer from the cell: coverage

Some days there is just no getting through.

ADDED NOTE POST-POST: This would’ve been better if I had gone to one room in my house where there is no coverage for my cell phone. It would’ve said, “No Service” at the top. Dang!

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Tempests in Teapots

One of the things I don’t miss at all about being a clergyman is the tempest in a teapot syndrome. Looking back now, I can see that a lot of the things that were argued about, fussed about, and complained about were silly, insignificant and unimportant. Much ado about nothing.

In 1977 I read a line in a book by Easum and Bandy called, Growing Spiritual Redwoods:

We found that thriving churches shun codependent relationships.

I remembered how that shocked me. I agreed with their conclusion. But I was overwhelmed by how entrenched codependence is in so many systems, including the church. This was going to be an impossible challenge.

It amazes me now how clever codependence is. Spirituality is sly and tricky. Codependence finds subtle means of expression, all cloaked in piety and devotion. Karl Barth as a young pastor was frustrated by the church’s mentality, which he wrote was:

on the one hand characterized by rationalistic ideas of progress and on the other by a sentimental pietism.

Things haven’t changed. An authority structure such as the church is the perfect culture for codependence. I see how complicit I was in its vivacity. I know people depended on me to make decisions for them in every sphere of their lives, from financial, to relational, to spiritual and everything else. And even though I resented it, I did allow it to some extent. The necessity of the urgent!

I always made it a point to focus on the development of our roots, trusting that when the roots were healthy the good fruits would follow. But we are not interested in the roots, but the fruits. We want immediate results and gratification, and will usually settle for superficial adjustments over total transformation. We prefer plastic surgery to heart transplants.

One of my favorite spiritual writers, Tozer, says,

Preoccupation with appearances and a corresponding neglect of the out-of-sight root of the true spiritual life are prophetic signs which go unheeded.

Again, things haven’t changed. And even though I agree wholeheartedly with Tozer, I also know how tempting it is to succumb to the pseudo-pressures of daily church life. When you are in a teapot and a tempest starts, and the teapot is your total world, it is convincingly overwhelming.

Drowning men grab at straws.

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cartoon: color conversion

What came first? The conversion that creates the fundamentalist mindset? Or was it the fundamentalist mindset that triggered the conversion? What changes people from colorful, curious thinkers into predictable black-and-white ones? And I suppose the conversion can go both ways. I’ve seen and experienced both myself personally.

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cartoon: Love Pool

I originally was going to draw a two frame cartoon. The first one was going to depict a man diving into a pool of oughts and musts and shoulds. The next frame would be the one shown here. Instead, I decided to just show this frame. A man diving into a huge pool of love and calling it salvation. It is love. It is all about love. So I’m going to swim in it. You?

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3 Odd Connections

In a TIME interview, the Dalai Lama was asked, “How do you stay so optimistic and faithful when there is so much hate in the world?” He responded:

I always look at any event from a wider angle. There’s always some problem, some killing, some murder or terrorist act or scandal everywhere, every day. But if you think the whole world is like that, you’re wrong. Out of 6 billion humans, the trouble-makers are just a handful.

I would suppose that the Dalai Lama would base this conclusion of his on his observations. He can say this, even after having suffered persecution and exile. But I would also suggest that he reaches this conclusion because it is one of his basic tenants that people aren’t essentially evil but good.

This reminded me of my recent trip to Haiti. I became friends with Doug Pagitt. We were talking one day about the film The Book of Eli. After being exposed to such devastation and squalor, I said to Doug, “You know in The Book of Eli, like a lot of these post-apocalyptic films, where there is no order and everyone is raping and stealing and no one can be trusted… just complete anarchy and cruelty and fear? I don’t see that here. In a situation where there could be the post-apocalyptic scenario depicted in all these films, it isn’t occurring. All the people we see and meet and speak with are kind, gentle and open.” There were only one or two places where I didn’t feel safe. Doug agreed. This isn’t to say there aren’t rapes and theft and fear. Indeed these things are occurring on an increased scale and more security is needed. But it is not happening at the level unleashed fear-mongering would like to depict. It might lead me to suspect that people aren’t essentially evil but good.

I have been heavily influenced, and gladly, by Reformed Theology. Karl Barth is definitely one of my heroes. Throughout his theological career he emphasized the sinfulness of man and the sovereignty of God. No to man and Yes to God. But even Barth, near the end of his life, wished he’d emphasized more of the Yes to man. He eventually saw, embedded in his own theology, that Jesus’ Amen to God and God’s Yes to Jesus was man’s Amen to God and God’s Yes to man. Barth, days before he died, wrote to his theological nemesis Emil Brunner and said,

If he is still alive and it is possible, tell him again, ‘Commended to our God,’ even by me. And tell him, Yes, that the time when I thought that I had to say ‘No” to him is now long past, since we all live only by virtue of the fact that a great and merciful God says his gracious Yes to all of us.’

These were the last words Brunner heard in his life.

Remember the reflections I wrote on The Lucifer Effect? Dr. Zimbardo writes:

Ordinary people, even good ones, can be seduced, recruited, initiated into behaving in evil ways under the sway of powerful systemic and situational forces.

This might lend itself to the support of some who see human beings as essentially evil. I might’ve agreed. Not anymore. These three scenarios:

  1. the Dalai Lama‘s and the Tibetan people’s plight;
  2. Karl Barth‘s stubborn ‘No!’ to man throughout almost all of his theological career;
  3. Zimbardo‘s famous Stanford Experiment labelled The Lucifer Effect…

In each of these scenarios they challenge the abuse of position, privilege and power. I will quote Zimbardo again:

I vowed to use whatever power that I had for good and against evil, to promote what is best in people, to work to free people from their self-imposed prisons, and to work against systems that pervert the promise of human happiness and justice.

Would not Barth, the Dalai Lama, and even God say the same?

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