david hayward. artist. cartoonist. teacher.

You like your church. You’ve found a community that seems healthy to you. You’ve been there for over a year now. You feel the freedom to find your own spiritual path and to walk it with integrity without fear of judgment. The teaching is good. It challenges you to think for yourself. The conversational approach to the teaching time encourages you to seek and to find with curiosity and courage. The pastor takes a hands-off approach that you find refreshing, respectful and liberating. You know if you have any questions, they will be respected and that resources will be made available to you to assist you in your individual search if you want. The worship is great too. The band is usually awesome and you like the music. The people feel free to experience it wholeheartedly if they want to. Your kids enjoy it. There are groups for them to join if desired. You have friends in this community. You feel connected. You know that if hard times come, there will be people to pray for you and support you in any way they can. You are given the opportunity to give, knowing that the church will not only use the money to support its own ministry, but also because you know the church is generous with its money in helping other churches and people in need. You are a part of this church because it augments your spiritual life in an integrative, holistic way, and doesn’t violate your freedoms and person and values. Even though you commit yourself to the community, you still feel you are an authentically free individual and are respected as such. You don’t feel sucked into some kind of religious vortex where you lose your voice and freedom and path, and you appreciate that. You have found a family and a home that has special meaning in your life.

Then one Sunday, the pastor says that he senses that something’s missing. You are perplexed. What could be missing? This church already seems healthy to you. He goes on to say that he’s decided the church needs a vision. He informs the congregation that he and the elders are going to start praying for a vision and start working on a mission statement.

You are disappointed. It saddens you that something so beautiful has suddenly been poisoned with expressions of discontent, ambition, and the destructive desire for the illusive “more” that you’ve learned to recognize.

You’ve seen this before in the last church you attended where they wanted more people and cloaked it in the language of evangelism.

And the church before that which wanted more money and cloaked it in the language of spiritual prosperity and charity.

And the church before that which wanted more programs and people to run them and cloaked it in the language of seeker-sensitivity.

And the church before that which wanted more of the Spirit to show up during worship and cloaked it in the language of renewal and spiritual passion.

You are getting tired. Can any community simply gather and just be happy to do the basics with peace, tranquility, joy and contentment? You wonder if any community can be free of this dis-ease.

I am no longer in a professional position of ministry. Again. I’ve been in this place before. It is familiar to me.

The most distinctive character of this situation is the feeling of the loss of authorization to critique the church. I realize much of this is my own issue. But, I know all too well the sense of entitlement that comes with position and the authority that attends it. It was something I wrestled against every single day of my professional ministry. The opposite side of this corrupt coin is the powerlessness and the implicit lack of authorization of those not in positions of authority in the church. This was also something I fought against every single day of my ministry. I continue to submit myself to the scriptures and remain in relationship with the church. But, now that I am not in a position of authority, the question that haunts me is: “Do I have permission to speak?”

I believe anyone has the right to speak and to challenge anything. Including the church. I’m reminded of William Stringfellow, one of my favorite theologians and authors, who was in fact trained as a lawyer and served as such in Harlem, New York City. He wrote over 14 theological books. I wholeheartedly agree with him that today’s images, ideologies and institutions, including the church, are the contemporary manifestations of the demonic powers and principalities the Bible often mentions. I am passionate about liberating people from these powers of death.

So I choose to continue to serve in this way.