I have often been in situations were there has been a strong disagreement and the distancing of parties. I have experienced broken relationships and long-lasting division. I have also witnessed this up close. As a result, I am very interested in and I could even say passionate about reconciliation. How can two parties come together again? What practical steps can be taken to bring reconciliation where there is brokenness?

Here are some very practical steps that can be taken. They are by no means easy. However, if we value peace over the privilege of being right, if we long for relationship over rights and unity over being understood, then these are valuable steps we can take to make manifest the unity that we value:

1. Find some fault within yourself that you can apologize for which may have contributed to the disagreement and division. Even if you initially believe it is totally the other persons’ fault, you need to try to meet the other person on the same level ground. It is a very uncomfortable and humbling thing to do. But if you value unity more than your own interpretation of what happened and who is wrong or right, then you will take extreme measures to bridge that gap. Reconciliation rarely happens by waiting for the other person to accept blame. Both parties always sincerely feel they are right.
2. Apologize exclusively for your attitudes or actions. Don’t’ expect anything in return but perhaps an acceptance of your apology. Don’t expect the other person to apologize. You might even receive a little tongue-lashing. Grin and bear it with grace. It is always the strongest person who takes the weakest position to initiate reconciliation. That means that it takes a great deal of strength… psychological, emotional and spiritual… to apologize first. Often your apology will open up a floodgate of good and healthy conciliatory conversation.
3. Wait patiently for a deeper shared ownership of the event that caused the division. If the apology repairs the gap, even if superficially, eventually, as your relationship deepens, more truth about the event will unveil itself. Hopefully to both of you. Sometimes I have apologized for something, thinking that the other person was just as at fault or more, only later to realize that I was mostly at fault. However, as time passes, both parties usually learn to share the responsibility, however the weight is distributed, and learn to live in peace and harmony. Perhaps, after sensitive negotiation, any necessary restitutions might even happen.

Wise people understand that guilt in the human race runs very deep and wide. Even in the bible, the wisest and most spiritual people acknowledged their participation in the guilt of the whole world. These discern that as one follows our roots deep into the ground of human history and experience, we are all complicit in the state of this world, including the fractures in human relationships.

By the way, these steps apply not just to individuals, but to larger groups and I believe even races and nations.

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My 23 year old son Joshua has given himself the enormous task of raising a significant amount of money for the Kids Help Phone over the next two days. I normally don’t do posts asking for money. But… this is my son who has started an incredible project… and this is a worthy charity to donate to.

Watch this video and pass it on, post it on your blog or your FaceBook page, Twitter about it… get the word out:

One of the questions I was asked in my interview for my new job teaching international students was, “How easily do you adapt to change?” I answered that there are two kinds of change: one that you don’t ask for but happens to you; and the kind you initiate. I told them that I was good and experienced at initiating change I thought was necessary and good. And I told them that I’ve learned to handle the stress of unwelcome change and negotiate my way to tranquility again.

My life has changed. But both at the same time: initiated by me, but not entirely welcome or easily negotiable. I’m experiencing a bit of trauma.

I realize I could no longer work for and receive my income from the institutional church. I also realize that I need to responsibly support my family and provide income. I do feel this job is a gift and I receive it with deep gratitude and joy. However, I told Lisa that I couldn’t see the big picture right now. How does this fit into the story of my life? Or, how does this fit under the blessedness of my life? That’s something I simply have to entrust right now.

She figures something like this: I have always contemplated, worked toward, and write about unity. Even my Z-theory is an attempt to articulate a unifying theory for the Spirit of Jesus and all religions and philosophies. I have also been very frustrated with the church’s general reluctance or even refusal to see the Spirit of Jesus beyond its walls. And here I am plopped into the middle of a wide range of international students from all over the world: Saudi Arabia, Iran, Bangladesh, China, Korea and Japan, to name a few… and all the religions and philosophies these students represent.

Today was my first full day on the campus. It is wonderful to discern the Spirit of Jesus in every person one encounters. Somehow this is going to help me articulate something my spirit wishes to understand and say.

The painting pictured here, Mystic North #2, is available HERE. It is a watercolor measuring 4″x8″ (10cm x 20cm).

I come back to the issue of vision and mission statements again and again because it is very important to me. It is also extremely important to the church. I have witnessed and experienced this first hand. This is not theoretical, but practical help for churches. I have seen and experienced the negative impact vision and mission statements have upon the church, and I wish churches would stop needing them, creating them, drafting them and casting them. The church would be healthier for it.

So here are just 10 reasons why vision and mission statements should be expelled from the life of the church.

Vision and mission statements…

1. distract from the primary purpose of the church, which is to be a community… a spiritual family, and focus attention and energy on doing something. I’ve seen meetings where critical relational issues were ignored in order to prioritize a vision’s immediate demands.
2. tantalize the people to follow a code rather than their own hearts. How many times have I heard it said, when a unique need presented itself to the community, “Well, that’s not what we do!“
3. aren’t found from the earliest church right through to recent history. They are a modern phenomenon excited by their success in the business world. I believe they are necessary in business, but are a virus to the church. Inject just a small dose and in time it will crash the vitality of the local spiritual family. They might produce more activity, even positive activity, but the core health of the spiritual family will be compromised.
4. promise the success and longevity of the group rather than the individual health of its members.
5. transfigure what is meant to be a spiritual family into an energy unit, a lobby group, or an activist organization. There is nothing wrong with these things, as long as we understand that this is a forsaking of our primary identity as a family. It would be like Lisa and I insisting that we were put on this earth to raise 3 children, when in fact our primary identity and role is lovers from which child-rearing emanates.
6. insinuate competition between local churches. Whenever I’ve been in meetings where demands for vision and mission statements were given, it always threw me back to Israel demanding a king because all of her enemies did. God consented. We are allowed to create and employ vision and mission statements without God smiting us. But that doesn’t mean its the best way.
7. divert the pastor’s attention away from the primary practice of prayer, study of scripture and teaching. Rather, the pastor’s attention and energy usually get poured into inventing and crafting a sexy vision statement, convincing the leaders to endorse it, and inducing the congregation to comply to it.
8. assume we can predict the future and predetermine our actions in it. Almost all people I’ve spoken with admit that the vision and mission statement of their community is quickly redesigned, abandoned or forgotten as soon as tomorrow hits with full force.
9. behave like an addictive drug: once you buy in, you can never find the perfect high. They constantly lose their appeal and demand that they be traded up into something stronger and more satisfying.
10. tempt us to take our attention away from what is right now to what should be by now. They introduce a subtle dissatisfaction with who and what is, and instill an appetite for something better than what we already have right here right now.