My style of pastoring is a constant frustration to people. Including myself. I don’t fit the bill. And I am vocal about it. I’m open about my struggle with the church, with my vocation, with the faith altogether. I’m open about my own doubts, fears, and questions. I am frequently informed that our church would be better off with a different pastor. Sometimes by those I pastor. But when someone decides to talk to me about it, or when I feel the time has come for me to open my mouth, I tell them that it isn’t just because I am lazy or deficient or inept. I tell them I am like this on purpose, that I am intentional about it and have theological reasons why I am the kind of pastor I am.
I believe my own obvious weaknesses allow others to be weak also. It often happens that when someone visits our church, their reaction is, “Wow! Your people have a lot of problems. They seem to struggle so much!” Actually, no. They are normal human beings. I believe everyone everywhere struggles just as much as we do. We’re just more open about it. And people find this kind of community where they can be honest about their struggles refreshing. How else can you help me bear my burden if we don’t know what it is?
I’ve been told so many times that as a leader I need to exemplify what it means to be a victorious Christian. If I don’t live victoriously, why would anyone want to hang around? Exactly! Which is why some don’t. I would rather exemplify what is real than what is superficial and artificial. I want to demonstrate joy in suffering, not joy without it. I want to be authentic and real, spots and wrinkles and all.
I believe that being open about my weaknesses is what the cross demands. The bible portrays Jesus as weak. The same with Paul. And I love the story of David. There’s something about not leading with authority that is repugnant. I see this in the biblical stories. But I’ve also see this in my own life. When I am deliberately weak and don’t lead with authority and power, which is so popular and in demand, people take this as a green light to despise you, insult you, and consider you disposable. I don’t get no respect. They really don’t know what they are doing. But we are like chickens in a coop. When one becomes sick or has a weakness, the others will crucify it. Well… peck it to death. I’ve raised chickens and I know what I’m talking about. I’m also a pastor and I know what I’m talking about there also.
I thoroughly believe that being weak releases a power that would otherwise hide itself. I think Paul understood this mystery. That’s why he boasted about his weaknesses. It proved that true spiritual wisdom and power was not achieved by human ingenuity, cleverness, intelligence, ambition or charisma. This is why I am the way I am with my community. The depth of love, generosity, spirituality and wisdom is not something we have manufactured. The weakness and humility of the people, even their plainness, ordinariness and self-effacement, are the fertile soil in which things like love, generosity, and wisdom grow.
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artist. cartoonist. teacher.
i’ve never heard of anyone doing this before! or being vocal and purposeful about it!
i love this idea, and am realizing this in my own life. i’m excited about “living weak”, although it has taken some deprogramming to be excited about it. or even do it. but it’s very freeing and loving in the end. thank you for being real; it’s extremely refereshing!
Thank you. Really.
Sounds Like Luther’s Theology of the cross.
I have tried to model this weakness in my congregation. Like you, it has attracted some and repelled others. It is freeing and enables real ministry (or so I’d like to believe). Thank you for your naked posts.
Thanks David. I think that this is why I didn’t find a permanent place (after 12 years) in vocational ministry. There are so many unrealistic expectations of both pastors and people. Grace, love, humility, and forgiveness become afterthoughs, not the central features of our faith. And thanks for living in the nude.
I think its the best way to minister. Welcome all to the table and love them. It can get hairy at times and some newcomers won’t come back because some of the people aren’t “normal”. But we aren’t running social clubs…these are churches and ministries.
Thanks guys. You know, I should’ve titled the post “Why I Pastor Naked”.
re post: TRUE THAT
This is one of the reasons why I love being a member of our community. Another is, you’re worse off than I am and there aren’t too many around like that! Hahaha. KIDDING!!
I’m not sure I agree that the bible portrays Jesus as “weak.”
However, I do agree that it tells me in my weakness HE is made strong. God chose the eak things of this world to confound the strong. That in my weakness the Holy Spirit intercedes groans that words cannot express. His power is made perfect in my weaknesses. Glory in your weakness bro.
People want to hold their pastors to a different level of spirituality. One which they WANT to strive to be, but seem to THINK they can never attain. And then when that leader somehow fails, it’s a reason to not strive oneself. Like, “See? He can’t do it EITHER! This God stuff is stupid.” But by being open and upfront about our weaknesses, we invite people to struggle alongside us as we grow together. To hold a pastor to a higher level of some sort of untenable morality, we shut ourselves off from growth. I truly believe this. And I’m glad you can be open about it.
If I lived in your town, I would be honored to be a member of your church.
Scott: You’re more than welcome. Anyone is. The thing is, we’re nothing special. Honest. I can’t tell you how many times people come to our church and are baffled… because what they’ve heard (not from me but from others) and what they see first off is so far apart that it doesn’t make sense to them. It takes time, commitment and investment (not $) to get what we’re about. Thanks for commenting.
Beautifully expressed!
Thanks Louise. I want to make clear that as beautiful as the post might sound, it isn’t easy. I live in constant confusion about my call and the church. So my “weakness” is not feigned. And it causes problems. I sometimes don’t even like myself. And my friends sometimes can’t understand. As well as my wife. It is a perplexing thing, the cross.
NP – Amazing, wonderful, and awesome. So glad I found this blog.
I love your authenticity! Thank you for continually giving me hope. As I complete my seminary studies this semester, often I have found your reflections and cartoons speak an incredible amount of truth and address “real life”~~incredibly honest and useful compared to some theoretical musings. What a witness you have become for me and others. Paz!
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NP – I know it’s just not beautiful words. Nevertheless, there is beauty is what is expressed. Your writing is at once esthetic and deep as well as succint. Something I still need to master.
Franz Rosenzweig wrote The Star of Redemption, pointing one letter at a time with a single finger to the letters on a typewriter while his wife pressed down the keys. He was paralysed. A lot of great thinkers and religious philosophers went through an awful lot – what made them great was their perseverance. Their greatness usually came after they were dead – so most of them never realized that their contribution would last for centuries. You have that sacred fire in you. Your blog is really good study material. There is a book here. The confusion/tension is conducive to creativity. Loneliness comes with the territory for a time. I’m sure G-d has blessed you with one or two good friends who understand you. That is all you need. I’m not sure Rosenzweig’s wife understood what each letter would eventually mean at the time she was pressing the keys. She did it for love. Your wife is probably pressing the keys too! Bless her. All the pieces eventually come together. Please be patient with G-d and yourself.
Very interesting. What came to my mind is, it seems you are trying to avoid codependency. You don’t want people to put you on a pedestal and attach themselves to you. Because when that happens, you have to play a role and don’t get to be yourself.
I know all about getting attached to people. I do that very easily. What prevents me from finding my OWN strength is when I depend on that other person-I set them up as someone who’s better than me, knows more, is more spiritual, is oh so wonderful-they become like a parent, and I get to be the child.
Since that is my great tendency, I REALLY notice the kind of people who I can’t play that game with. I can’t play it with people who don’t encourage dependency in others. It’s not that they aren’t nice people, but they have no desire to be my mother or father. They don’t rush to solve my problems. They aren’t overly sympathetic. They respect me as another adult who is very capable of doing her own life, even if she thinks she isn’t.
These people FORCE me to depend on my own strengh and ability, which ofcourse leads to more self-respect in me. They refuse to be my hero.
Also when I was reading your post, I felt like “I GET IT!” I felt like you were saying, “Sorry, you people are not gonna put me on a pedastal, where I have to carry around the load of being a great example of Christianity for you. You’ll have to figure it all out for yourself, just like I do.” That approach makes it more likely that you are relating Adult to Adult, not Parent to Child.
Plus I’m not surprised many have left because they want a “leader.” I understand that. Americans like having a purpose, a project, an exciting goal they can work hard for. Nothing wrong with that-there’s a lot of right in it-but we carry over that model to church. Now maybe that’s Biblical, but it sets you up for a lot of problems like we see in regular churches, I think.
I guess you have problems both ways, but at least you don’t encourage stunted psychological growth by encouraging codependency in your church.
I was just trying to imagine any pastors of churches I’ve been in being depressed. They would certainly appear more human if they do get depressed sometimes. I always picture them smiling, confident, waiting there to shake your hand, always energetic, etc. It’s nice to go to church and see that, but I always wonder what they are like as a real, everyday person. Do they have normal feelings like I do? I can’t relate to them, because there’s a wall between us.
Many pastors in my experience, not all, are somewhat alone, in pain, confused, and feeling pressure to lead, be strong and have the answers. Perhaps there needs to be far more flexibility in terms of what pastors do vocationally and who they are as people. Leading through brokenness and weakness also involves being courageous in “getting naked.”
It worked well for Henri Nouwen and Jean Vanier – many people were and are drawn to their lives and writings because of the vulnerability and weakness they displayed. Of course to say that it “worked well” implies certain evaluative criteria different from the mainstream.
A shout out must be given to all the unsung heroes as well; the thousands (tens of thousands?) toiling in the trenches courageously facing life and avoiding the temptations to power, coercion and control.
NP – keep singing your song.
David, I think you should write a book about this. Seriously. This is a style of pastoral ministry I have NEVER heard of anyone else deliberately displaying. How incredibly refreshing, how humble, and how Biblical. I agree with scottfinn — it would be a privilege to be part of your church.
It’s taken me 36 YEARS of ministry(!!) to learn that authenticity is where it’s at — and I’ve learned it the hard way, believe me.
Doug: I would love to write a book about this. I haven’t seen any like it out there either. It would be quite an undertaking. Thanks!
David,
I am thankful to have stumbled accross your post. I have felt the same way about my walk with Christ for a few years now. Sometimes it is a struggle, but I feel compelled to be real about things. It seems I might be in good company.
Keep being authentic, it is both rare and refreshing(especially in church.) You have inspired me. Thanks.
Jon
Hey Jon Z: You’re welcome. Keep on keeping on!! Thanks.
So how long do you decide to maintain the weakness?
Perhaps Nietzsche was absolutely right. The only reason an individual “struggles” is because the individual views himself as weak in comparison to that which deems itself in power. It’s that good old slave morality that Christianity is based upon.
What if there is no power to defeat? Then of what use is weakness?
What is it you struggle against, if not that which you have accepted as power?
Coventina: Thanks for your comment. Nietzsche was right I think. But he also harbored a disdain for the weak, the victim. His Übermensch ideas are obviously connected to this. I believe there are “powers” against which we all struggle. More strength doesn’t work, but undermining them with humility. To me humility doesn’t necessarily mean slave morality. Anyway…. I appreciate René Girard’s critique of Nietszche in “I Saw Satan Fall Like Lightening”.
Your post points to one of the things that really frustrate me about churches. It seems those most authentic face the least success in this endeavor. Those least authentic, and plastic, and full of themselves, seem to be the most successful and achieve supposed greatness.
I get it that Jesus was a supposed failure, dying alone. But why does it seem there is favor on those who build a persona, write a catchy book, have shiny TV ministries with good looking professional worship hooks, while those that walk with the openness you write about, suffer in pain and poverty.
I guess the part that bugs me is the pain and anger and depression that my friends experience on this way.
I guess Im not expecting an answer, but it really bugs me.
Jon: I hear that!!
I’m not familiar with Gerard and only know a little of Nietzsche. It is my understanding that the “Ubermensch” was used in contrast to “The Last Man”. Where the Ubermensch is willing to set off on the pathless path, the Last Man desires the comfort of a well-trodden path.
It’s simply a matter of courage. We can battle against the well-trodden path. That’s at least better than being “The Last Man”. But eventually, if we are truly alive, we must muster the courage to quit fighting the dragon (or at least finally shed it of it’s last scale) so that are free to set off on the pathless path.
Personally, I’m still fighting the dragon. But I can’t help but feel that I maintain the fight because I’m invested in it. Not because it actually needs to be fought.