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David Hayward is an artist trapped in a pastor's body, stripping to the essential.
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David Hayward is an artist trapped in a pastor's body, stripping to the essential.
Yes… I am speechless, well done
Hey there, God’s ways are not our ways: I watched my grandmother die. In that time, I have learned that God *always* heals. But I have learned that God’s idea of healing is often ***not*** our idea of healing. God healed my grandmother. She had been in awful health for decades, she had crippling, horrifyingly painful arthritis 24/7. I don’t know how she didn’t commit suicide from the physical pain. The night she died, she had had a stroke and lost a lot of blood from a very minor procedure (she was a bleeder, literally, a knife cut could kill her). The procedure went well but set off a chain of events. She bruised up and had massive internal bleeding. When I got to her it was obvious she had a stroke. She had been declared dead FOUR times in her life. She was not afraid. She had near death stories that you can’t explain away.
So when I got to the hospital and saw her, she was a mess. However, there was an absolutely overwhelming sense of God’s presence. I can’t explain how palpable it was. There was no wondering “God, are you there?” I didn’t pray for God to make her better. I asked Him to make it quick and keep her comfortable, because He was coming for her, finally. She was one of those aliens to this world. Her broken down and pain ridden body was merely a prison cell. Her spirit heard His Spirit coming, and I would imagine she knew He was coming to spring her soon, because she called everyone — *everyone* — in her life the three weeks before she died. I had some sort of presentiment but I didn’t process it or think anything of it because work was crazy… stop and listen when you get “a feeling”.
Years later, it took my mom about a year to go through her stuff, and another year to mail me my grandmother’s prayer book. I discovered that since she couldn’t do needlework anymore, since she couldn’t leave the retirement home anymore, she just prayed all day. Dilligently and with discipline. Wow. It took about two years, but I finally got her ancient worn out prayer book, and she had written me a note in it. How she knew I have trouble praying with discipline and knowing what to ask for is beyond me. Actually, I pray probably 24/7. But it’s always crisis prayer. This book is a treasure of spiritual self-discipline.
But anyways, God’s presence was so incredibly strong that night. There was no doubt about it, He was coming to spring her from her earthly prison. We should realize that this body and this realm is not our final destination. Sometimes it’s just a holding cell, and that’s ok if we know that our Father is going to come get us one of these days. I would have found God to be quite cruel if He didn’t take her. I was sad and I miss her still, but there was some happiness with all of us at her funeral. Everyone was like, “she escaped finally, she made it finally — now she knows infinitely more stuff than National Geographic ever could tell her (she loved nature and was curious about everything and how everything worked, for no particular reason except to marvel at creation).
God healed my grandmother. Healing does not mean continuing to live in this world. Had she gotten “better” that would have not been “healing” at all. It would have been some sort of cruel joke. God is merciful, so merciful, even if we will never realize it on this side.
As Christians, we are told in the Bible to expect trials and tribulations. We should expect poverty and sickness, moreso than some godless, arrogant Beautiful Person. Following Christ means not just taking up our cross, but putting a big bullseye on ourselves. Because the battle is not between humans — the battle is between good and evil, the principalities of heaven and hell. We are God’s children, and Satan knows he lost it all. So by hurting us, hitting us, the devil is just taking parting shots at God’s children because that’s the only way left to hurt God. I don’t mean to sound simplistic but sometimes that is what it comes to. Other times, God tests us, and lets us be put through all sorts of trials. We are to expect them, and to try and persevere. Perhaps keeping us on our knees is the greatest and most loving thing God could do to some of us — like me — because I am arrogant and haughty and the second God lets me off the leash or gives me some slack, I’m the type of dog who bolts. It is a painful prayer, but I beg God to not let me get out of sight, no matter what. Cause sometimes nothing less than being kicked in the teeth and pulverized into the mud will work for me. When I ask why am I sick, why did it turn out this way, why is my life such a failure, such a shambles, why do I run off friends and family, why everything, I am simply told that gold is refined with fire, and He doesn’t settle for less than the most precious and pure gold. God doesn’t like fools gold.
The Bible doesn’t promise that the above in the comic don’t happen to our bodies. I don’t like this prosperity gospel stuff, this ‘name it and claim it’ stuff. Because I have named it and claimed it and it still isn’t mine. I have prayed God to make me a heterosexual and He just refers me back to the Bible to the part about Paul’s thorn in the flesh. He tells me (sometimes quite literally) that His grace is *STILL* good enough, that he could do anything but He chooses to do the impossible, which is to save the sinner, to turn this dung pile of a wretch into some sort of beautiful object of glory.
Another verse that gets me through things, a WONDERFUL and powerful verse that shows us the heart of God is Isaiah 57:1 “The righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart; devout men are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil.” There it is. God will take somebody’s life to spare them from the devil.
Also may I say there is no Them. There is only Us. We are God’s children. The persons we condemn, they are an eternal being who God wants desperately. I can’t comprehend it, but these murderers and terrorists and baby killers and rapists, God even wants them. Yes they must face their justice, but God wants them. God wants us all, he wants nobody to perish. And sometimes He is willing to take our mortal lives to spare us — who knows what horrors a child would suffer as an adult if God did not take that little child.
God took my grandmother. She was my grandmother, but more importantly, she was His beloved child. Now she can’t simply walk without pain, she can fly, she knows how the universe was made. She knows things that she never knew she didn’t know. And she is just on the other side of this very very thin veil, and I will see her again.
Sorry for being so long, but this moved me. I can’t stand the McVagelists who sell you God’s grace. God’s grace does not prevent pain or poverty or loss. God’s grace gets us through it. If you’re not on your knees by force, then that’s when I worry. Yet God is such a gentleman, He never imposes Himself on me — how I wished He would sometimes. But on the other hand, He simply will not tolerate anything less than the purest gold, and we must persevere while we are being refined and tested. I don’t know how I do it. Actually I don’t do it, I’m such a hypocrite, and for some reason beyond my ability to understand God won’t let me go. I don’t have enough faith to hold on — it’s God holding onto me.
See you guys on the other side, thanks pastor david for sharing your spritual wrestlings with us. I don’t want a preacher like in the cartoon, and I don’t want a God who would ordain such a preacher. I want somebody and Somebody who understands me and goes through this painful life with me, because it’s the only way I can do it is with Christ carrying me.
Sorry this is so long. Thanks again pastor from an e-parishoner!
I could say that, “Faith alone saves but the faith that saves is never alone.” But then I might sound contrite. I could say pray harder but than I am asking you to do something titled works. I could say it will get better but I am not a prophet and dare not commit false prophecy. All I can say is Christ has helped me so far overcome my bout with depression, although I know that depression is not an event but a process of continual seeking. I agree with the cartoon. But think something is missing I am just not sure what that something is…
Ooo…I’ve seen this happen!! It always makes me sweat.
great post! often think about how damaging sermons like that were to me…
so well stated . . . thanks!
thanks elaine.
But then, it’s not our faith that saves us, is it? It was the finished work of the cross and God’s grace!
@pt – I loathe the “prosperity gospel”. Quite honestly, it’s crap. Though, I would say he really does impose himself on us, but not in an aggressive way — always through love. And I’m thankful for that.
Jesus said: ‘I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world”. John 16:33. This is so true! Our personal journey is testimony to this fact.
About two years ago, our family was on our way back from holiday. Driving through the Karoo dessert we passed a tortoise crossing the road. My husband, Dawie, stopped to help the little animal to the other side.
To make a long story short, Dawie was hit head-on by a 30 ton International Eagle truck at 120 kilometers per hour.
It was such a stupid accident. The truck driver saw Dawie, but thought he was just picking up a hat and instead of slowing down the driver changed lanes, and hit him on the wrong side of the road. Dawie said the moment he saw the truck he thought: ‘Please God, not now, my family’
He can’t remember how he got behind the truck, but he said he remembered falling and looking straight towards the number plate as it drove away. It took eight hours before he received proper medical attention and doctors was amazed that although he had lots of broken and shattered bones, when all the blood was washed off, he did not have any internal bleeding nor head injuries… Nothing.
Well NOT nothing… he has a brachial plexus spinal cord injury and has had to learn to live with unbelievable pain. He has lost the use of his left arm and hand. His road to recovery, both physically and spiritually has been a long and difficult one. It is not easy to learn how to live with a disability, but for some reason God saved him. There was $1000 damages to the truck…. It was nothing but a miracle.
At one stage I gave him a spiritual book to read saying that a man should be MORE, MORE of this and MORE of that. Confused, he asked God how he can ever be more, when he now feels LESS.
I remembered the morning when he came to me wide-eyed and I could see that he has been crying. He told me that he experienced the most wonderful thing. He said God answered him. He told him that He had to make him LESS physically so that he can became MORE spiritually.
I think God is only interested in our spiritual growth. Pain and becoming ‘less’ is the only way to become more.
I love it
thanks Hemant! and thanks for using it on your site!
David
Im curious, when did fishon send you a picture of him on the pulpit?
You are frakin’ brilliant!
bill: i’m just a boy with a pen. thanks!
Titfortat said, on November 11th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
David
Im curious, when did fishon send you a picture of him on the pulpit?
————tft, I don’t wear a tie, and I don’t even own a suit. I have hair and a beard. And I have a little note on the pulpit that says “NOT TO LOUD!” Man, I am better looking than that guy.
fishon
Is there also a No-True-Scotsman in there?
Man……that guy looks like he’s got the “annointin”……………
Hey fishon,
It’s good to see you can take the humour in stride, and even turn the other cheek.
I think I knew of another guy that didn’t own a suit and had hair and a beard… and from the pictures I’ve seen he was better looking than the red-faced cartoon-zealot too.
Hey, is there a Gospel according to A Good Sense of Humour? What’s the best wise-crack in the Bible, anyway?
once-reluctant: about cheeks: i heard the stretchiest material in the bible was skin… Moses tied his ass to a tree and walked to Hebron.
Once-Reluctant said, on November 12th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
It’s good to see you can take the humour in stride, and even turn the other cheek.
———I love humour–and I am not afraid to even make fun of me. My congregation would confirm that.
If you think about it, it ain’t hard to turn the other cheek–there are 2 to turn whether we are facing front or back.
fishon
Hey internet monk: thanks!! but i wouldn’t go that far!