In 1995, when I was still a Presbyterian minister in Nova Scotia, Canada, I realized I had come to the end of my rope. I had planted a Presbyterian church in 1993 with hopes of it being free of all the trappings of institutional Christianity that I had experienced up until then. I wanted it to be simple, a free gathering of people with what I think is a simple combination of passionate worship with deep wisdom, with love as the prevailing glue. I’ve since come to learn that this combination is almost impossible to find, and even more impossible to provide. Anyway, just months after planting the church, I fell into deep despair because the church had fallen into the same old rut of institutional Presbyterian Christianity. I simply couldn’t do it anymore.
Then one night I had a dream in which all I heard was a voice that said, “It’s time!” So I met with the elders. I shared my dream with the elders and explained to them what it meant to me. I awakened from the dream with the joyful realization that I wasn’t trapped. I could be who I wanted to be without fear, and I could walk my own path. I told the elders that I wanted to strip down to the essential, to get rid of all the trappings, to free ourselves of all the crap that had accumulated and get back to the basics again. Or, I said, I will have to resign and leave.
They weren’t long in deciding that it would be better for me to leave. But I didn’t care. I would walk away from my secure salary, my pension, my career, everything. Money no longer held lordship over me. I was free and I was going to live freely. Never again would I allow myself to become a victim of a system again. I would no longer willingly submit myself to the principalities and the powers, but would continually live in my own freedom, and I would help others to live in theirs.
I heard rumors that people thought I’d gone crazy. Maybe I did, but I wasn’t going back. Lisa and I sold lots of what we had, put the rest in storage, packed our three young kids in our van and drove away. We didn’t know where we were going. We just left. Eventually, a few months later, we would find ourselves here, at Rothesay Vineyard, to become members of this church.
Little did we know that one year later I would be asked to take over as pastor of this church.
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David Hayward is a pastor artistically stripping to the essential.
I needed to hear this story today. Thank you for sharing it.
The older I get the more your phrase rings true: “… little [do] I know… “
David – I too am in a similiar place knowing that the time to part ways is soon – just trying to be obedient and do every last thing I am supposed to – knowing that God is anxious to reveal what’s next – once I complete what is before me! VERY TIMELY WORDS thanks for your obedience to share them.
Wow. That’s quite a testimony, David. As a Presbyterian minister myself, the first thing I would like to hear is: what did you learn from trying to lead Presbyterians to be more spiritual? And how would you do it differently 15 years later?
Also, and full of irony at that, I wanted to share this with you…You, your thoughts and cartoons here, are what pushed me to stop trying to change the community I serve. (Granted, I didn’t plant the church, and they’re all much older than me, so why beat my head against that wall?)
But until I found this site, and your thoughts on not having a vision and just accepting the church for who it is, I was getting progressively more unhappy as their pastor, and beginning to feel like a failure. Something about your cartoons, and your reflections, has helped me quite a bit. Now, I just preach what I think the Bible is saying to me and us, and if it doesn’t turn the church into the perfect church, I don’t worry about it.
So, thanks.
David,
What a wonderful testimony. I recently retired from full time work – with so many plans for retirement. However, I felt God calling me to be different, to be what he wants me to be.
All is changed – my freedom is now pushing me towards Ministry in my church, Anglican, but the place I found and joined as part of this call – there is no baggage, I have a basic pension, which allows no frills or luxuries, just the freedom to explore and follow where I am being called-pulled.
How it will work out, only God knows, but I am a willing follower stripped to be basics and eagerly following his purpose. It is really joyful and wonderful to be free.
ernest and dave: awesome stories yourselves! thanks!!
Don’t you find that one persons’s crap is another person’s essential?
David,
You do plan to continue with the story…don’t you? Please…..
David Higg
david: i hope so
David,
Loved what you said and did. About three years ago, I ran smack dab in to “religion” in the church I was serving. Religion – not in the good sense of the term – at this point I found religion was all over my life. This began the great search to reconnect with Jesus. A tool that God used was Wayne Jacob’s book, “So You Don’t Want to go to Church Anymore.”
http://www.jakecolsen.com/
This freed me to begin a new journey. Loving it and letting Father connect me with those He chooses.
Paul
God is full of surprises. I think of each of our lives as a book….every time I have felt like giving up, I just have this urge to see what awaits on the next page. It’s been an interesting book!
I think mine’s a horror story. I’d very much rather it had never been written and I’ve given up believing in happy endings. That only leads to disappointment.