I’ve been talking with many people lately. It comes with the turf of overseeing a community. However, I’ve been talking with people both inside and outside our community, as well as those who oversee other communities. I have been left with a general impression:
People are restricted from being themselves. There’s lots of talk about authenticity because it’s cool and post-modern to do so, but it isn’t really practiced or really welcomed as it should be. Many people I know who aren’t a part of a community are afraid that as soon as they approach one, then expectations will be heaped on them and that they’ll have to hide or even eliminate parts of their personalities, life-styles or ideas. Even those a part of community are afraid of being found out or have to perpetually fight for the right to freedom of expression. And their are many people overseeing other communities that fear being discovered and have to conceal whole parts of their personalities, preferences or thoughts. This goes for our inner life too. Serious doubts and questions must be given room! Of course, as a community it is healthy to provide a safe place for people to be authentic. But it has to be safe for all people. If there are people hurting others, this has to be addressed immediately because community is about mutual love and service. We intend to help, not hurt.
I feel the constant pressure to be all that the people want me to be. The pressure is enormous. Fortunately, we here have great respect for each other and my authenticity is quite free. In fact, I can’t imagine it being any more free. It’s been hard won. And I’m grateful. I hope theirs is free too. It’s a gift to be able to discover who you are and to grow into that… a gift to oneself and to others. And when the Other asks for us, it is a gift to give what we actually are rather than the image we have spent years craving and morphing ourselves into.
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David Hayward is a pastor artistically stripping to the essential.
Thanks for sharing this – I always feel I’m not nearly cool enough for the pomo crowd – I keep telling us that Jesus calls us to be Christians not cool. But somedays, it’s clear that I don’t have what it takes to be part of the cool Christian clique.
The problem with unrestricting ourselves is that we are messy. If you are as messy as I am then the mess will be bigger than ever. See a recent shot over the bow for our community from us. :: http://wanderingtribe.org/cgi-bin/re?op=expand&message=1006#1006
i think i can relate…
in the last 24 hours i have learned to cherish that which is constant – not what i do, not where i do it, but WHO i am.
in and amongst such restricted realities i seek, as you said David, to give who i really am.
thanks guys.
I know that I can relate. I frequently find myself wearing a costume to church, and clothes to work. It really should be the other way around. Of course, the church folk don’t know that I am in costume, but I’ve seen enough to be afraid to take it off.
Paul, if you are wearing clothes (i.e. who you are) you are still restricted, but the choices are still yours. You might even be more bundled up, as if in a snow storm, but the colors, the style are yours.
you may be on the wrong track. Not all boundaries are bad..
In the end it’s God who reveals everything, every secret thing, and then judgement.
I even caught myself at times on this blog trying to write things that will make me fit in this on-line community. Redicilous but oh so human!