I’m exhausted. Lisa and I have been staying at the hospital on shifts with Jesse. Our semi-normal lives have been suspended while we try to get Jesse back to health. You might ask why the parents of a 20 year old man have been babysitting him 24/7. I’ll tell you. In a nutshell, we’ve had to advocate for him and decent basic care every step of the way. It’s been a grueling battle.
He began feeling ill last Thursday night. That was the last time he ate or drank anything. Lisa took him into emergency Saturday because he said he couldn’t swallow. After 10 hours, they sent him home. He was worse Sunday, so Lisa took him in again. This time they kept him in emergency. They decided he was septic and put him on heavy doses of antibiotics. But his main complaint, the painful throat and stomach, wasn’t addressed. They gave him antacids. But he said he couldn’t swallow them. “Well, let them dissolve and swallow that!” “But I can’t swallow! Not even my own spit!” “Well, then there’s nothing we can do, is there!?” Finally, on Monday, they admitted him into the hospital. He was moved from the insanely chaotic emergency ward to another ward. He still hadn’t seen a doctor to address his complaint that got him in here. However, there were no beds available on that ward, so this 6′3″ young man was left on a stretcher and rolled into a treatment room on a physical therapy unit. Then the real fun began.
For some reason, the nurses weren’t listening to us. It was adversarial from the beginning. They couldn’t seem to believe that he was really sick. They continually tried to give him antacids which he couldn’t even swallow. Every time we saw a new nurse, we had to try to explain everything all over again and persuade her that Jesse was in pain and needed to see a doctor. “Well, we’ll just have to wait. We can’t promise he’ll see one today.” He never saw a doctor Monday. Jesse was still spitting into a cup. They kept trying to give him food. Antacids. They wouldn’t let us stay with him. We had to fight with every nurse that came into the room. One time a friend of ours who is a nurse higher up in the hospital came to visit Jesse. The attending nurse came into the room. Our nurse friend asked the attending nurse a medical question concerning Jesse. Her condescending response was, “And you are…?” Our nurse friend took us out of the room and whispered to us, “You’ve been marked!” And we knew it. They wouldn’t listen to the patient’s main complaint. They wouldn’t listen to his parents. We had to wrestle every little bit of care out of these people. Even Jesse was outraged in his ailing kind of way. And every little bit of care we got seemed to be administered begrudgingly and spitefully.
Finally, on Tuesday afternoon, a general doctor came by to see Jesse. He apologized for not seeing Jesse the day before, but there were two “Haywards” on his list and when he saw one he crossed the other out. Then he tried to pull the same line on us, as if Jesse wasn’t really in pain. Antacids, etc… Obviously, he listened to the nurses and formed an opinion before he saw the patient. Lisa finally got the nerve to talk to the doctor. She was livid. She said he hasn’t had anything to drink or eat since Thursday. Something is seriously wrong with his esophagus! He had pizza Thursday night. Maybe something’s stuck! All of a sudden the doctor’s demeanor changed. “Oh! Maybe there is something stuck. We should order a scope immediately!” He said the specialist would be in soon to see him. We waited all day, fighting with nurses, for the specialist. Finally, when a new shift of nurses came on, I asked for pain relief for Jesse. She brought a couple of Tylenol pills. He cried, “But I can’t swallow them!” She said, “But I was told you ate pizza today!” I lost it! I spoke my mind, but the nurse looked at me like I was speaking Vindaloo. She finally said, “Well, nothing’s been ordered for pain, so there’s nothing I can do!” Only doctors, whom he hadn’t seen yet, can order drugs. Our frustration was at its peak. Jesse’s pain, together with the frustration of not being respected and heard, reduced him to tears at times. Finally, late that night, after Lisa went to the nurse’s station and had it out with the head nurse, she resentfully released the information that he was scheduled for a scope the next morning at 8a.m. We cheered!
Jesse got his scope done and the endoscopic nurses were great. I got all teary when Jesse’s prep nurse treated us with gentleness, kindness and sympathy. After Jesse’s scope, the specialist told us that he had very severe inflammation all the way down into this stomach. He was put on more antibiotics and all kinds of stuff. He said it was mysterious and serious. He’d be in the hospital for several more days. It was comforting to hear Jesse’s pain validated. While Jesse was being taken back to his room, he was fading in and out of consciousness from the drugs. He was singing the “JAWS” song. I asked him why he was singing that. He said, “Heading into dangerous waters!” But, miraculously, the demeanor of the nurses had changed. A doctor had validated his pain and said it was real. Therefore it was! The emotional environment transformed in an hour. Since then, Jesse slowly improves. The nurses have been great. Maybe in a day or two Jesse can come home.
Stay tuned for a couple more posts later. One has to do with the principalities and powers embodied in institutions. The second one has to do with the incredulous, offensive, but incisive prize-winning novel, The White Tiger, by Aravind Adiga.
Contributions to nakedpastor are greatly appreciated.
David Hayward is a pastor artistically stripping to the essential.
Incredible story! Thank God you are able to stay and advocate for your son. I will continue praying for your family.
David, so sorry to hear all this. You’re in my prayers and Lisa and Jesse too. It’s exhausting enough when a loved one is sick and IS getting good care–this sounds more like a circus than a hospital. I hope Jesse is home really soon and this fades to a bad, distant memory fast for all of you.
I have been a nurse for 30 yrs and I have seen you before. You p*** people off with your attitude without giving anyone a chance. For God’s sake you would think you had third world health care according to your blog. Relax, it is esophagitis. beer maybe with pizza?? Let the nurse advocate, she does know the ropes, but you were not marked, you marked yourself as an a**hole on the way in. Don’t slam the door on the way out, please.
How awful! and insane. Glad someone finally did something. that is way too much suffering; poor guy and poor mom and dad. You’re all in my prayers.
Dude, I think I would have gone mideval on them… How impossibly difficult it must have been for you as his father.
Is all Canadian health care like this, or is this the first time you’ve experienced something this traumatic from the health authority?
Interestingly, I went through a similar thing (esophagus as well) 6 months ago. I wasn’t hospitalised (so not as bad) but it took a long time to get a diagnosis out of any doctor or to be taken seriously!! Can’t believe the struggle you have had to go through (well actually I can as just pointed out..). And what amazing pair of parents you are. It’s good to know what to pray for – I feel for Jesse and his esophagus!!! Get well soon I hope!! (the medication really helped me)
Shirl: You mean you’ve seen ME or US personally before? I don’t remember you. I want you to know that we have many nurse friends. My wife is studying to become a nurse. I have friends who are medical doctors. I believe in the medical coverage Canadians have access too. I’m just telling you my story. This hasn’t happened all the time. Just this time. Believe me, the situation was adversarial. And we weren’t the only ones who noticed it. And it wasn’t “just” his esophagus. He was also septic at the same time. So it was serious. He’s still not eating or drinking. It’s been a week!
Shirl:
My mother was also a nurse and nurse admin for 30 years. If you had been on her staff and had EVER talked to a patient (or anyone else in the hospital for that matter) with even HALF the rudeness you showed in the above post, rest assured that you would have hit the door on the way out — quite possibly face-first.
Your belligerence sounds like the exact problem David and his wife and son were dealing with for day. If that’s the way you choose to respond to a complaint, I can only hope that something like this happens to you or someone you care about — not because I hate you or wish you or yours ill, but because that way you’ll see what it’s like on the other side of your horrendous attitude, and maybe (one can only hope) learn from it.
David and Lisa,
You guys did the right thing by advocating for your son. I am a student in an ultrasound program in the United States, and I can assure you that the treatment he was receiving was not appropriate.
David and Lisa, before reading this update, I was praying for your family this morning on my drive to school and I felt led to pray specifically for how and when you might advocate for your son. I think that’s really interesting, and I just wanted you to know that. I will continue to pray for him…
Jodi
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Shirl-I think perhaps after 30 years there has become a desensitization to the angst a parent might feel watching their son suffer in pain. I also don’t think it is appropriate to be “diagnosing” people on a blog (especially if one is not a doctor) and making assumptions about a person one knows nothing about. I think it is extremely inappropriate to attack these people in this way when they are obviously deeply concerned about the health of their son.
Shirl – LISTENING would be nice. People going into a hospital don’t KNOW what’s wrong. If they did, they might not be there.
David, this story is absolutely outrageous. I am so sorry for what your family, including your poor, ailing son, had to endure. Thank God the situation turned around.
Shirl… no idea what your problem is. Have you ever had a sick child whose complaint was not taken seriously? Either get some compassion or retire.
“principalities and powers embodied in institutions.”
I was thinking about this very thing as I read your story. As well as the fact that you must be in Canada which in fact you are. I’m interested to see what you have to say about it.
I’m from BC and I don’t find the story surprising. Not that things like that always happen, but I have seen simiilar scenarios and there can be a calousness among the staff in the wards that makes one feel very helpless.
I’m so sorry for this ordeal you have all been through. It’s good to hear your son is doing better.
ruth: stay tuned. more to come!
This leaves me speechless. I pray everything will be fine in the end.
I’m sorry for your struggles. I really hope that Jesse is better soon.
Remember the Lord is sovereign and longs to hear our prayers.
Thank you for taking the time so share your stories with us.
In Christ,
Peter
Good grief, this is appalling, outrageous, incredible – surreal. I’m so glad you and your wife have been with your son the whole time – he needed it. God bless him and you. Sounds to me like you were up against more than flesh and blood.
So glad your son eventually got a diagnostic procedure and I do hope by now that the right treatment has given him some relief.
After all this, I’d be looking up your equivalent of the Health Services Commissioner and your local MP. You can’t be the only people who have had to deal with this. But first, healing, recovery, restoration.
Will keep praying. God bless you, keep you and make his face to smile upon you and be glad.
Jenny, Australia
thanks everyone. kind thoughts. they really do help. jesse was impressed when i told him people from all over the world had him in their thoughts.
I am praying for you all too David. May God send his blessings to you all in abundance!
Caroline, UK
Hi there
Greetings to you and your family from Cape Town South Africa…wow, I can empathise totally with you. Our little boy was very ill last year and in ICU for 11days…it was a very stressful time but God pulled us through it – so you have been in my prayers and i will continue to pray for Jesse’s speedy and complete recovery…
On a positive note though, the care we received here in Cape Town was outstanding (1 of us was with Josh 24/7) and at no time we were not considered or listened to or cared for…so i guess it is not so bad in the 3rd world after-all.
Blessings!
Gregg
NP. I follow your blog regularly but have never commented but this story compels me to speak. I am a physician in the states so don’t know much about the system in Canada, and I have a mixed set of emotions right now. That is a tragic experience which should not happen to anyone anywhere. I hope it is not representative of the standard care that Canadians routinely receive. I feel that the system in the US is broken much of the time. It is a system based on money where people get turned into dollars which seems inhumane to me, and I feel I continually fight against it. But I know of nothing like this going on here. When I admit someone to the hospital here they are seen by a nurse, one of my resident physicians, and then by me within 2 or 3 hours of admission no matter what the reason for admission. Maybe I should be more grateful for what we do have down here. Please keep me posted on how your son does.
I was a nurse for 20 years in critical care units in the US. Sadly, your story is all too common. I saw more than my share of patients die for no reason in hospital during my career.
I have very little, if any, faith left in allopathic medical systems, and I have made my husband swear that he will not put me into the system if ever I become seriously ill. If a person is not ill before they get into the medical system, the system will do its best to kill you through neglect, arrogance or medication (med errors, medication side effects, incorrect meds and doses, etc), to mention only a few of the horrors.
Do yourself and your family a favor and find a good homeopath!
We have been using one for years and haven’t looked back. Our health has never been better.
I wish your wife would reconsider a career in nursing. Nursing is in a sorry, sorry state and I guarantee she will be disillusioned at the end of the day.
All the best to your family and a quick recovery to your son!
Thanks Doug. I want to emphasize that this experience was completely novel to us. Never before and I doubt ever again. I sometimes wonder if Jesse’s demeanor and appearance had something to do with it… piercings, scruffy hippy beard, salty language, unorthodox sense of humor… etc. Like I said, the atmosphere has dramatically changed.
We also have a homeopathic doctor. We hope to utilize the best of both worlds.
I hate hearing those sorts of stories. It was so eye-opening to me when my father was in the hospital. My friend had warned me that we needed to hire an advocate based on her experiences, but until you experience it for yourself, you have no idea how crazy it is!
I’m glad that atmosphere has changed. It’s a good thing you all are there for him.
david- i was in tears over your story out of frustration for you. the rude comment by yet another nurse on your own blog just heightens my empathy. praying for your son’s continued improvement and your peace of mind!
apparently,the road to heal-th is paved with good intentions…but intentions are nothing without true virtue…only the empahtic can practice empathy
Wow, what a horrible experience with the health system! I’m glad it finally got correctly diagnosed in the end and that your son is on the mend.
I was angry just reading it. I may have become violent had I been there.
Shirl, Where are you now? I hope feeling sorry for what you said, but I doubt it. My prayer is that you will leave the health care profession and leave it to those who care about our patients. NP, Best wishes to your son on a speedy recovery.
David,
Our family went throuhg something similar with our tenage son in 2007. It was an infection in his throat, and it turned out to be MRSA. Thankfully he is okay now. I am really praying for your son and for you. I know what you are going through…we were at an excellent hospital with great staff but still had to be his advocate every step of the way. The nurses were very kind however if I didn’t remind them each time his pain medication would be late every time by at least 30 minutes or so. I knew they were busy, however my son was in severe pain and we couldn’t just keep waiting that long.
Shirl, I’ve pastored you before.
Blessings and Love, David…from Tampa…
Deanna
Shirl, you are quite simply out of order.
Naked: Your response to Shirl was a perfect example of how believers are to act. Thank you for demonstrating restraint and patience in the face of such an adversarial person. She is loved by Jesus as much as any of us and it’s great to see this type of maturity in you.
Everybody else, chill out. We all have issues with our profession and the blog post might have just hit a sensitive spot in Shirl. Don’t forget who you are.
Prayers. Will call.
May our God of infinite love be with Jesse as he continues to heal, with you and your wife as you care for him, with Shirl as she struggles with the call to compassion that is on all of us and especially those in the health care professions, and with all of us as we search for ways to deal with adversity in healthy ways.
Peace.
Hi shirl. I know David and Lisa very well. You would have a difficult time finding anyone who has the quiet patience that they have, even when pushed to the limit. I also know them as people who do not give up. They also know clearly the difference between right and wrong. You must find your job difficult with so many who can lodge valid complaints that have increased over your 30 years of valid nursing service.
I appreciate the help you have no doubt given many. This time you are wrong. Blessings as you approach retirement. From a retired police officer who also knows the good, the bad and the ugly.
This is so awful! Sadly, this is my experience with the medical community as well. We’ve met lovely nurses and doctors along the way, but I’ve found out that if what is wrong with you is not clearly obvious (ie broken bone, gunshot wound, etc.) then the system doesn’t work. I went to the ER once in college, about your son’s age. I was blacking out and couldn’t maintain conciousness for long. They said they didn’t know what was wrong with me, but I couldn’t even stand up so they offered a wheelchair to get me to the car!?!?! WHAT!?! Thank God my mother was with me. She took me to a naturopath the next day and I was well again in a few days. Naturopaths have their place, but sometimes for emergencies we need a responsive ER. (Again, broken arms and gunshot wounds.)
May God watch closely over the care of your dear son!