I’m finding these days a struggle. We are going through quite a difficult time. I have to admit to you: God’s silence and apparent absence is profound right now. I really don’t understand what’s happening, how things are being orchestrated, or which direction to take. If only God were predictable! If only I could understand his ways! If only I could read his thoughts! But this, I’ve come to the conclusion after Paul, is impossible. His thoughts and his ways are beyond finding out. They are inscrutable. Period.
When it comes down to it, I have to learn to rest in this persistent reality. That’s number one. I cannot see. I cannot feel. I cannot hear. But somehow, I have to learn to trust from within this silent, numb darkness. Number two is that I can enjoy the company of my wife, my family and my friends. My community. I can see them. I can feel them. I can hear them. This is a gift to me. To love and be loved. And to actually physically, emotionally and spiritually take pleasure in them. And this is my greatest joy.
I think this is about the Spirit. I’m thinking this deafening silence and profound absence, but firmly rooted in a real local community is somehow the presence of the Spirit.
The image is a painting of mine titled, “The Wooded Lane”.
Contributions to nakedpastor are greatly appreciated.
David Hayward is a pastor artistically stripping to the essential.
I am sorry that its so tough and however small it is, you and Lisa are in my thoughts and prayers. I have found so many of your posts helped me in difficult times, in terms of that learning to stop struggling and accept. Maybe read back a few from some time ago – there’s a lot of wisdom in there you could tap into
Its very good to hear you are blessed by people close. I hope it ends soon.
I like this image alot! The colors are warm and inviting. Much different than the work I’ve seen before which tends to be more of the colder tones…
Is this a new piece or an older piece?
this is a new piece. go figure.
You interested in selling prints of that painting?
prints are available (keep in mind it is a miniature):
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=19629512
thanks for asking.
That’s cool. It would make a great wall print, though
It’s comforting to know that Mother Theresa also felt this loneliness and absence of God’s presence. I also have periods when I wonder where God is. I think it’s OK to challenge God on this much as Job did in his misery. The pain may be different but the questions are the same.
It’s interesting to note that most of the comments are related to the picture when it is the sentiment that is so profound.
Blessings.
David,
I just finished a book by John Eldredge called, “Waking the Dead.” It has certainly opened up some things in my life that I didn’t know were there. The deeper I got into the book the more I realized Eldredge was discribing my experiences of the past. When he got into the “Four Streams,” of which I will call healing streams, the more I felt set free from burdens I have carried for years.
You probably don’t feel much like reading right now, but I would recommend it. Some of my orthodox friends don’t like the idea that the saved heart is good because of Christ; They teach that it still is wicked and evil, but Eldredge’s writing sure puts a different slant on it–something that I have suspected all my Christian life and have taught now and then.
In Christ,
fishon
thanks fishon. read it years ago. as well as his others.
Fantastic painting, I think it captures that feeling of togetherness in the midst of confusion. I must admit that I am confused as well. I love your openness and written voice on the subject. The conclusion of trust in the midst of chaos is certainly what faith is about. I do not understand how to square the intense apocalyptic thrust of the faith of the early church, which declares to know what God is doing in the midst of uncertainty, with my own uncertainty however. I wish I did.
wow, that’s a beautiful painting, david
Dostoevsky was a light hearted easy going kind of person, yet wrote about life’s dark side in stories like “crime and punishment”. Leo Tolstoy were a moody kind of guy who beat himself up about living a perfect life yet wrote stories about love and beauty. Both were great writers in their own way.
I was thinking about this when I noticed that you use bright colours now that you feel downtrodden whereas in posts where you felt better you used paintings with cold colours. Maybe God is also painting his most beautiful painting with how your life feels like right now. One of these in my opinion was your previous post. Reading it felt like being sucked into a live version of the book of Job and what various persons wrote there still makes me think and reflect.
Once I was so depressed that I felt like dying. I couldn’t see, feel or think straight. I had to visit an elderly couple and didn’t felt up to it but went anyway. Talking to them about their life and sharing in life with them lifted me out of my pit for a reasson I can’t explain since I didn’t even share with them my problems and feelings of being depressed nor got any advice from them. So it’s very true what you say about comunity and how it tends to pull you through. Good luck. I pray for you.
Wow again! Thanks for having the courage to do this and to say this openly. It may not feel it for you…but saying this helps me. There are a lot of people in this place (I am from time to time)…we need to hear this from our leaders and not have the pretence of being ’shiny happy people’.
Thank you
JohnO…..”I do not understand how to square the intense apocalyptic thrust of the faith of the early church, which declares to know what God is doing in the midst of uncertainty, with my own uncertainty however. I wish I did.”
I agree….how do we interpret ,what appears to be a failure, twenty centuries later?
Btw David…reading this again today,I was happy to read the hope in yr words….sometimes this thing we call faith is like hide and seek
God says,”I’ll hide…you seek”….like free will,it must be worth it
infatima,
I think the “appears to be failure” of a crucified Messiah is worked out in the early Church, and therefore consequently for us. It is a much harder idea to believe in the situation of Israel in the first century. It is a far easier idea to assimilate to today in our culture (a leader figure dying for salvific purposes. It is arguably easier because of the impact of Christ’s death on people since, catch-22).
Whilst reading the post, I am aware of how God gave us different gifts to minister to one another. Mine is to encourage…
How I wish that I could do so for you and others! Since I sit close to half way around the globe from you (in South Africa) I have only typed words which one struggle to put love into it.
However: the one thing I know is that we are in a world full of change. Our problems WILL change. God on the other hand, NEVER! He loves us unconditionally, whether we feel His love or not, Him or not.
My favourite verses: Numbers 6:24-26
24 ‘May the Lord bless you
and protect you.
25 May the Lord smile on you
and be gracious to you.
26 May the Lord show you his favor
and give you his peace.’ (New Living Translation)
i think that is quite the excruciatingly wonderful place to be…
…and i love the painting…the simplicity and colour touched me…
I’m not a religious man, but it occurs to me that if we know God’s thoughts, we become God-like. That would be a different role for us. Historically, people treated as gods have not done well; they tend to become decadent.
If God is our benchmark for the ultra-sublime, then our challenge is to measure our progress by our own philosophical and behavioral development. In this, people can be inspirational, though many slip off the deep end with good intentions gone too far.
Humans are at their best confronted with challenges.
maybe he isn’t there at all.. but that would be horrible…
I’m not telling anyone to cling anymore, it’s so pointless…
Semety said: I’m not telling anyone to cling anymore, it’s so pointless…
—-Then hopelessness. Ah, clinging is better.
fishon
JohnO….I wasn’t referring specifically to the meaning of His death,but the apocalyptic expectations that loom so large in the synoptics,Paul and the early church and continues to form a large part of many messengers of the gospel.My question is :if it was in error,shld we not admit so, and re-interpret?
infatima,
As far as I know the apocalyptic language and expectation of the early Church was not in error (perhaps some of our modern understandings are incorrect). However, the apocalyptic expectations of many other peoples and groups of the time were wrong. Clearly no one of the time knew with ultimate certainty what God was really doing (just like we feel that now). But some of the people had radical apocalyptic hopes claiming to know the secret activities of the divine! Some were wrong, and others were right. The same continues today with the prophetic and radical charismatic movements on the fringes of Christianity, though of course none have widespread impact, or even vindication by God, that I’ve seen.
JohnO…there are reputable scholars on both sides of the debate as to what Jesus said,meant and actually believed…I wd think there is less controversy about the apostle’s(some,at least) belief in the imminent return of the Lord..I’m not trying to defend a particular position,but raise questions as to how we read those documents.In yr thinking,cd they have been wrong.
infatima,
Well since there are multiple ideas on what they mean, then someone is more “right” and someone more “wrong” even though we might not be in the best position to determine it. I am convinced in myself that I have been wrong in the past, and am getting “righter”… I certainly haven’t arrived.. nor do I expect to. So in that way, I hope I humbly approach the nakedpastor’s feelings.
JohnO…maybe I led you to believe I was thinking of the interpreters of the NT…not so,but of course the actual writers were also interpreting…I’ll try to clarify…my question was initially prompted by yr statement,
“I do not understand how to square the intense apocalyptic thrust of the faith of the early church”
With that in mind,I was led to think you were referring to certain beliefs about future events,like the imminent return of the Lord.But you also added,
“Well since there are multiple ideas on what they mean, then someone is more “right” and someone more “wrong” even though we might not be in the best position to determine it. ”
Which leads me to ask,”If we can be wrong in our interpretation,why can’t they be wrong as well”,and”Are we justified in presupposing a doctrine about scripture that conveniently steers us away from ‘that road less travelled’?.”It may seem to be off-topic,but I think it’s important when were asking the hard questions aboutwhat we really ‘do’ or ‘don’t’ know.
What if god isn’t there at all, fish? Wouldn’t that be hopelessness?
clingy would be so much better, but it’s so hard to do, and if it is hopeless, is it better to realise that? or just keep clinging without anything there, so you don’t realise you’re falling?
i don’t know, maybe God is there and I’m not. i was saved, if I was saved, and if I wasn’t, then I’m not. and that’s terrifying.
Losing hope is terrifying. potentially fatal, but not yet.