I’ve been thinking of the spiritual life of the disciples in relationship with Jesus, and how this might help me understand myself as well as those in my community, as well as those who have left:
- The first movement is the call to discipleship. Come, follow me. There is some kind of turn from what we have been to a new way of being and living. There is a sense of intimacy and fellowship, as well as immediacy. The disciples ate, drank and slept with Jesus and stayed with him throughout his itinerancy. This is accompanied by the sense power, authority, and the possibility of the miraculous. These are the earliest days of our faith… the honeymoon. Church is our new family… fun, exciting and filled with anticipation.
- The next is the a bout of questioning. We suddenly realize that not everybody is as thrilled as we are about Jesus or the faith. In fact, we discover indifference towards Jesus. The roots of our faith are starting to strain as we begin to slowly realize that the agenda Jesus has (the cross) is in direct opposition to our agenda (to overtake and change the world with him). We need the church at this point to encourage us to persevere. Our Christian friends help us through this difficult time.
- The third might be the movement where we start to consider the possibility that the truth of Jesus is more important than the miracles. What he is saying is emphasized. We still hope for the miraculous and beg him for it, but it always seems to come back to truth. Even Jesus teaches us in the gospels that unless we believe his word, then not even someone rising from the dead will convince us. Finally, Jesus says, you are beginning to understand what I’m saying. This is a period of the growth of spiritual knowledge. We take notes during the sermon. We attend bible studies. We read Christian books.
- The fourth movement might be a time of doubt. We just can’t seem to get our head around the fact that following Jesus is full of hardship, suffering and seeming doom. There is joy, but we are becoming aware of the fact that this joy is a serious matter. The cross looms on the horizon of our lives. What we thought was going to be a life-changing and world-changing endeavor has become mundane, difficult, confusing and threatening. We begin to question the foundations of our faith. We might even question why we began this whole journey to begin with if it’s just going to end up in defeat. It’s beginning to lose its thrill. Here’s where we start to feel like we don’t belong in our church. We start to feel like we are slipping away.
- The fifth is a movement of rejection. We realize that the world is not only indifferent towards Jesus, but hostile towards him and the faith. We are like sheep among wolves. This might not come in the form of people, but ideas, ideologies and life itself. Nothing in this world seems to support out faith. Nothing seems to want to reinforce our relationship with Jesus. Jesus makes no sense. The “Jesus” within slowly seems to fade. He seems to be disappearing. The faith we had in him seems to be drying up. We seem to be dying spiritually. Even our own minds begin to question our own hearts and our spiritual decisions. If we are still a part of a church, we are starting to feel like nobody understands.
- The sixth movement is the death of Jesus, or even the death of God. The faith we once had has vanished. We question everything. He is essentially dead and buried. We can rightly say, “I don’t believe in Jesus anymore!” That is, the Jesus we once knew is gone. The Jesus of our childhood, of the early years of our faith, has passed away. He has died, and he has died within us. We can’t feel the passion of his life beating within our hearts like we once did. We conclude that we have finally back-slidden. We feel like strangers and aliens in the church. Now we feel like we really don’t belong. We are misfits.
- The seventh might be the darkness of the grave. We feel nothing anymore. Our faith is dead and buried, and our hearts are dark and cold within us as it relates to the faith. Much of Christianity and religion in general seems like nonsense anymore. We resort to the notion that our faith was just some kind of childishness we went through. We are like those on the road to Emmaus and conclude the whole thing was just a silly illusion. Oh, we wish it were true. If only it was! The church is history. Or if it isn’t, we hide our darkness behind our church-going exterior.
- The eighth is where we may abandon the faith. We go back to fishing. We figure the whole thing was just a stage we went through. We just aren’t up to it anymore and would rather be authentic than put on a show. We can no longer pretend. We are no longer followers of Jesus. We are like Thomas who won’t believe unless he sees. But unlike Thomas, we don’t have the luxury of being affirmed. The life of faith is no longer an option… intellectually, emotionally, psychologically, or spiritually. We might talk with others about Christianity or any other faith as though it is just some kind of strange social phenomenon, perhaps useful, perhaps harmless. But we talk about it as if it was an ex.
- The ninth movement is represented by Mary in the garden. She is full of fear and sorrow. The Jesus of her faith is gone and she can’t cope. When there is any hint of him though, she clings to him. Here is where we might, in desperation, resort back to our earlier stages of faith. But Jesus urges us to let go of this earlier, immature and tactile form of faith, for he must ascend. We are beckoned to a deeper level of faith where he is not tangible, recognizable, or immediate. This is where, I believe, we are stretched into a more global, universal, all-embracing kind of faith, the kind of faith where God is The All in all. Here is where some who yearn for the easy early days of their faith and long to feel a part of the good old church do whatever they can to stir up that old time religion once more.
- The tenth and final movement is where we wait for the Spirit. Pictured by the disciples waiting in the upper room, we wait for the fullness of the Spirit that gives us compassion for the whole world. We will be moved beyond ourselves and those close to us to love all people and show compassion to all. Like Mother Teresa and many like her who saw in the face of sick, the poor and the disenfranchised the face of Jesus, we too will live at this level of love for all beings. We are finally willing to lay down our lives for others as our faith takes on a more universal landscape.
I realize this is a very rough draft, but I’m thinking along these lines because, for the most part, the church does not provide room for people going through these same movements the disciples did. Do we allow people to challenge convention, become disillusioned, doubt, and even question God and the faith? Do we allow this even as Jesus did? Can we perhaps begin to see that these moments might actually be expressions of faith? Can we consider the possibility that someone abandoning their faith and leaving the church could actually be a potential development in their spirituality, a stage where they are being beckoned to abandon their child-like faith to move toward a more mature and adult faith? And can we allow people to linger in any of these movements without time limits? I think these are important questions to consider.
Contributions to nakedpastor are greatly appreciated.
David Hayward is a pastor artistically stripping to the essential.
Wow, that’s amazing! I am amazed that my own experience is so “normal” that someone else can describe it with such accuracy. I am somewhere past 9, but not embracing 10 fully yet.
“for the most part, the church does not provide room for people going through these same movements the disciples did”
The people I know in my church may be willing to provide room, they are willing. But the theology (fundamental/evangelical/reformed//literalistic/something) does not seem to provide any framework for grasping these concepts.
The Church is a poorer place without being able to put doubt into a healthy context. Thanks for trying to do that!
Your ‘10 movements’ look like a pretty solid theology of the cross.
We either gravitate towards ‘glory’ or the ‘cross’. I think that the old man/woman in us wants the glory…but it is reality and then Christ Himself that keep us on the road to the cross.
“In this world YOU WILL HAVE TROUBLE, BUT be of good cheer for I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD.” (emphasis added, of course)
Being of good cheer can be awfully hard for sinners. But He forgives us that, too.
Wow, I am bemused by this and find little in it relates to my experience at all. I wouldn’t have a clue where to place myself in these categories, now or in the past, but hope I make it to 10 at some point!
I think we should be able to be honest with each other where we’re at, without anyone being threatened or troubled by whatever that is.
Great timing.
My main thought here is that we might not go through these steps in a linear fashion but rather go back and forth through some of the phases more than once before we move on to the next one.
At least that’s been my experience lately.
Thank you David!
I agree Laura.
I like the idea of being brave enough to let people have doubts. This post is a keeper.
What’s after 10?
A little depressing I would say. Your walk with Christ appears to be filled with strife and sadness. I have experienced these things at times but I find that if I abide in Him I also experience great joy and expectation of the future. 9 of your 10 were dismal… That’s certainly not normal in my experience.
Great post! I would say I’m somewhere around 7 to 8 right now…hope I make it to 10. I’ve read something very similar to this before somewhere.
And yeah, I don’t think churches do allow people to go through doubt or disillusion, or consider that faith might be a journey which involves a lot of doubt.
David,
I apologize for the length of what I share here. Thought to just post it on my site, but it is, after all, my reply to what you have written. This is not intended as a rebuke. I well appreciate your honesty and can relate to your words…
First, let me say that I would take nothing away from anyone’s personal journey. As in every other aspect of life, we come into our individual walk with Christ out of different histories, different environments, and therefore with different perspectives and different vision for what the future holds. If a call to discipleship is indeed the doorway by which we enter into this experience, let it be noted that not all, even if the Spirit be the tug at our heart, immediately follow, unerringly, His voiced. Truth be told, it is a stumble down the strait path from the very start, no doubt because we tend to believe whatever ecclesiastical group we have joined already has “truth†pre-determined and available in capsule-sized sermons which we are encouraged to swallow. As time passes, we simply either atrophy in that “faith†which is preached unto us, or slowly begin to realize that, while truth may well emerge from the Book, it has tangible substance other that ink and paper, and how correctly we have connected with “it†will be determined in the next step….
The reason we begin “to feel like we don’t belong in our own church†and “like nobody understands†is because “the world†isn’t always “the heathen who never show up to worship with us on Sunday morningsâ€. The reason “the faith we once had has vanished†is not because Jesus has died, but either because our faith was never actually established in His resurrection within us, or because we have learned along the way that He, alone, creates our faith. We have realized the religious system for what it is: humanity inside the sanctuary; and the hard part is not passing judgment on the condition. We, after all, are part of it. If somewhere in the process, however, our soul and our spirit, in any form or fashion, stepped through the veil and touched the hem of His garment, there is no abandoning of Him. His grip holds the very fibers of who and what we are, and it takes committing the unpardonable sin to escape it. We may yet “see through a glass darklyâ€, but pursuit of Him remains the hunger of our heart…
You can still be full of Joy and Peace, even if things in your life aren’t going all that well, even if your life is full of pain and strife.
I have yet to meet the person who’s life is all peaches and cream. The lives of the disciples (aftet they met Jesus) were no bowl of cherries. Jesus’ life also, when He started full time in His ministry, was full of contention, strife, rejection, and eventually death.
“If they did this to me, what will they do to you.” (paraphrased)
The theology of the cross calls a thing what it really is. No false hopes of your life working out just as you’d always hoped. No false hopes of material, or physical comforts, no false hopes of having everyone get along with you, or agree with you, or believe you, or like you.
The theology of the cross is a bold proclamation of death. But also resurrection!
I take a great deal of comfort and joy in that message! And I also enjoy this beautiful life, the paradox that it is, for all it’s worth. But we all know where this life is leading and we ought not forget it lest we take our eyes of of our Savior.
Thanks!
“Can we consider the possibility that someone abandoning their faith and leaving the church could actually be a potential development in their spirituality, a stage where they are being beckoned to abandon their child-like faith to move toward a more mature and adult faith? And can we allow people to linger in any of these movements without time limits? I think these are important questions to consider. ”
I agree. Unfortunately, so many churches want to operate in stage 1, where people are still easily controlled and don’t ask for much. The ancient church traditions seem better geared to deal with all stages, and may even encourage them.
Ray no 1 “The people I know in my church may be willing to provide room, they are willing. But the theology (fundamental/evangelical/reformed//literalistic/something) does not seem to provide any framework for grasping these concepts.”
I agree. This is when I find the Catholic expression of the faith really helpful. They seem to be able to accept it.
Both “parts” have strengths.
After over 24 years of doing the best I could to follow Jesus and remain in the church at the same time, I now find myself in one of the described movements, I’m not exactly sure which one. I need to study the descriptions a bit more.
Here is something I posted on my own Blog recently:
Today, I am so far removed from that fired-up Babe in Christ that emerged when I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and was “Born-again.” That was 24 years ago and along the way, I did my share of preaching on-line. My ability to accomplish what I classified as inspired, creative, writing I saw as a God given talent. I only had to raise my spiritual antenna, wave it around until it made contact with the flow of creative power that streamed from under God’s very throne in heaven and begin to write. When I stopped writing, retracted my antenna and could see clearly enough to read what I had just written, even I had trouble accepting that I had just written what was there. It wasn’t my normal “voice” or style and the words seemed to have an unusual power to persuade others that I knew of that which I was writing. I gave credit to God and the Spirit that had taken up residence in my earthly “temple.”
The time came when I drifted away from God. I had been tested and found to be lacking in some way. The church I attended called it “back-sliding.” I can only say that I was not strong enough to survive God’s boot-camp (the organized church.”) After that, the more I was tested, the weaker I became, until one day, I found myself in King David’s boat and realized that God has taken His Spirit from me. The hand of Jesus is still evident in my life. I still know Him and believe that He has never left me but I no longer know His anointing and power to write creatively.
Once, I knew the scriptures so well; today I struggle to remember that which guided me daily. I grow older and my mind diminishes with each passing year. I see the world around me waxing more godless, evil and cruel. I feel spent and useless to the one who has blessed me with so much. I desire to know fellowship with Him as I used to but my will to pray wanes.
There is more to the paragraphs above. If anyone wants to read the entire post they can find it on my website link that is included with this comment. It is titled “A difficult confessiion.”
Thanks for giving all of us something to think about.
makes a great framework for discussion — good work!
Richard
I agree with Laura’s back and forth statement and would only add that it is not only a back and forth movement but also a circular movement that increase in intensity each time round. I believe that the church defnitely doesn’t accomodate all these phases and perhaps to try and do that will be greedy and narrow minded in the sense that it confine the work of God to what happens inside the institutional church.
thought-provoking, thank you for this
my question is how we in the church can support each other as we go rhrough these times/stages/cycles?
have you read bonhoeffer’s ‘life together’?
also liked jim’s ref to humanity in the sanctuary – a good reminder.
I wonder if it’s not a process of removing all the strings we attach to God, Jesus, faith. That and coming to understand that it’s not our faith in the first place but God’s. a sort of giving him control of it.
As I suggested in my earlier comment, I needed to reread and think through the ten movements and I have done so.
I have concluded that I am about to exit number nine and enter into number ten.
If you are accurate in your thoughts and description, I can hardly wait for what comes next.
I believe you are right to be cocnerned about “time-limits” and how long one remains in any one stage. To stagnate and not keep moving could prove dangerous. God forbid that one progress in any one stage too far and as Jim suggests, commit the unpardonable sin.
It is beyond my understanding to believe that any true believer, one born again by His Spirit might be able, in a moment of supreme weakness, to deny their redeemer and all the experiences they may have had because of faith and the transformation that took place within them.
Do you see an event during the tenth movement whereby one might receive the Baptism of the Holy Ghost or do you believe it has already taken place during one of the other movements or phases and you simply did not identify it as exactly that?
I know there was a time, when I would be praying, that the Holy Ghost would sweep into the room I was in, spiral and eddy in the various corners in such a mighty physical manifestation that one could watch it happen because dust bunnies would whirl and elevate in the turbluence, cloth throws on furniture would flap and furl. I wanted to get up and move about, but I could not.
I’ve never had a church that wouldn’t ‘let’ me voice my doubts. I’ve never found one that could stop me! But I have been in churches where it didn’t matter that I had voiced them. Other people might thank me, or echo what I had said, and the pastor would be polite to us — and then go preach the exact same sermon he had preached a hundred times before. We didn’t feel heard. But on the other hand, how could we expect the pastor to preach from a different place than where he was?
I’d say the problem is expecting a church headed by one voice to nurture people who are in many different stages of spiritual development. That’s why so many people switch churches as they grow, and so many who stay don’t seem to know there are any other stages than the one their pastor demonstrates. I think the best answer is the Quaker meeting idea of letting anybody who has something to say speak, with equal authority.
I,ve been studying these phases more closely and I struggle to get examples in Mattew of phase 2’s indifference-the picture i get of Jesus was that of a guy to whom you’d be having trouble being indifferent about. Evereywhere He went there were exstreme opposite reactions. Only in the book of acts I find examples of people being indifferent. Could anybody help me on this?
I also realize now that stages 8, 9 10 could be seen as one stage since they all have to do with waiting, giving up our own attempts to save our faith, relying on Jesus to show himself in the way He chooses…
David, some great things to dig into… even as a rough draft.
“Do we allow people to challenge convention, become disillusioned, doubt, and even question God and the faith?”
i have a number of thoughts and questions. i was wondering if this was a cultural strain within believers or if it affects all everywhere?
Then i began to remember many of our former saints who were prone to doubt, fear, unbelief, depression… even those who spent much time with or in the presence of God and those who were full of the Spirit.
God always seemed to still come along side and bring comfort and help, without chastizing them for what they were going through, and i think encouraged these times for the sake of spiritual growth.
Do we allow others? This becomes a personal action for each of us to answer.
Would we allow our pastor to walk through these different stages? Now there is the real question. Do we have him so high above us that he is not allowed to be a real person? Many pastors have been left to dry up because they weren’t permitted to be real. The same goes for us… you utter a few careless words from your heart and suddenly you are in danger of excommunication from the group.
Had Peter after his denial of Jesus been a part of one of our churches, do you think he would have been given the job of being the forerunner of the Christian faith?
Also, Job’s encounter with his “comforters” comes to mind.
i always like reading about the church in Acts… now i recognize the huge cultural difference, and we in NA are not there.
Hopefully we will have come to the place where we are real and honest in our walk with God that we embrace others in crisis or their just being honest about where they are and why?
Thanks David,
I published your post on my small site, and of course with the appropriate link. For me faith is a journey, and we really don’t help another on their journey, if we can’t accept where their journey seems to be going. Doubt is very much a part of faith, as far as, I am concerned, and something we need to talk about more. I thought your post was terrific, and I really liked how you linked it to the faith journey of many of Jesus’ desciples. Keep up the good work.
Ok… I have never even seen a Pastor give way for someone to go through No. 8 (abandoning the faith). My faith is being held by a string right now and the fact of the matter is what I hear in church on a Sunday seems to be determined to cut that string and send me adrift forever.
I am rather fascinated that you mention it could be a expression of faith or development of spirituality. lol now I want to sit down and pick your brain because at this stage in my life all I seem to do is seek out people who embrace a whole different attitude to our faith because if what I have experienced is all there is… I’m on my way out :c/ But I haven’t given up yet!
Wow, you’re reaching way back in my posts! You can pick my brain anytime.