When I wrote yesterday that our community is still in adolescence, I should have been clearer. So today I’ll try to clear it up a bit. No… no one called to complain. Yet! I think, generally speaking, the overall attitude of our community right now is adolescence. But we exhibit signs of adulthood too. It is like we are in a transition stage, moving from adolescence to adulthood. As a community. We’re kind of like my son one day years ago who was demanding to be respected as an adult and that he was entitled to his own opinion. The next minute we found him playing with Lego on the floor.
I’ve read recently, and I can’t remember the place I read it, that one of the major complaints of people who have been in church for years and years… those who have stayed and those who have finally left… is that they don’t feel they were allowed to grow into adults, that the only stage that was acceptable and that was nurtured was childhood. I think this is true. As soon as people start acting like adolescents spiritually and practically, it causes many leaders serious concern. People are discouraged from thinking outside the box, experimenting with new ideas, and making mistakes. Adolescent attitudes and behavior are frowned upon. No wonder most people in church never make it to spiritual adulthood! They aren’t allowed to be adolescents first.
Which reminds me of my three kids. They were wonderful as children. They are now wonderful as they are and grow into adults. But I would’ve traded them in during the adolescent years for a Big Mac! But nobody offered. Just kidding. I wouldn’t have traded them in… for a Big Mac. But the adolescent years are the most difficult, the most challenging, the most stretching, the most stressful, the most disturbing stage of human development. The temptation would be to keep them as children who are happy with, “You’ll do as I say because I’m your father. Just because I said so!” And punish them if they don’t. The adolescent stage is for learning how to be an adult with independence, confidence, wisdom and compassion. And it is gruesome getting there!
So, I hope I’ve explained myself better. We are, as a community, trying to think and behave more like adults. We’re not that yet. But I’m optimistic we will be and we’ll be better for it.
The painting/ drawing is one I did of my adolescent son waiting for his school bus on a cold, dark winter morning.
Contributions to nakedpastor are greatly appreciated.
David Hayward is a pastor artistically stripping to the essential.
i thought you said it fine in your first post, but you make some great extra points.
one thing though… i hope being an adult doesn’t proclude you from playing with lego.
Thus we conclude that the three most challenging years in the life of a pastor are: (1) when s/he is thirteen, (2) when the kids are thirteen and (3) when his/her church is thirteen…
jon: i just KNEW somebody was going to pick up on that one. figured it would be you
i think sometimes the problem with maturation is that instead of wisdom we gain an ability to follow a set of program standards without retaining the ability to think for ourselves. we hear that it means “this”, so that’s what it means.
i admire my 7-year old’s ability to spell based on sounds and familiarity with other words. i am not sure how may times i have said “i’m not sure why it sounds like that or is spelled that way” because like words are not.
she thinks…and we comply as adults. i want that back…the divergent thinking of a child.
David,
Well said.
Growing a church is hard work, just as growing our children is!! (I offered to lend mine out on occassion…but I didn’t get any takers…LOL!)
The mission statement of our church follows…based on the principal that we are on a journey, and growth is a necessary component to become what God intended us to be. It’s a challenge, but those willing to embark are always rewarded by the Creator of the course.
“To present the gospel in such a way that seekers become believers, believers become disciples, disciples become teachers, and teachers lead this process.”
Happy blooming!
haha! pleased not to have let you down!
Yes David, That is why I left church. Only milk, no meat. I am now on a steady diet of solid food, thank you very much.
But another reason that many people leave the church is that they do not know who they are in that space. In life, adults have a solid sense of self, or who they are. Many in church do not have that, and the leaders are not able to let them grow far enough until they know who God wants them to be, and get a solid sense of spiritual self. Now, that can only be found on their own. Many in the blogosphere out here have done it. But I know of very few that have done it in church.
Nate,
that’s brilliant
cheers
I think I agree with the notion, but not the terminology. I think adolescence is the problem. It’s a relatively new invention, that never existed in many societies.
Once upon a time, a boy was a boy until he was a young man. Then he would be treated, and expected to act, as a man. In many cases he would still live with and work for his father.
Some people had the bright idea of placing young people into institutionalised education, to teach them everything they need to know before letting them loose in the world. Enter a new stretch between “child” and “18+ adult” in which people are taught they’re not good enough, can’t do anything useful, can’t be trusted, and lack the maturity to contribute usefully. By suspending adulthood then drawing a line at graduation, have we weakened the notion of progressive wisdom?
I’m not against schools, but do believe there’s been some large and unhelpful side-effects from the way they are.
Back to the topic, does this fit? Are we frustrated with an adolescence of the church’s own invention?
David,
What a great post. This is exactly what was happening to our church when the overseer/founder decided to come back and take over the church again. It was his excuse that the church was in an “adolescent rebellion” and in adolescence you make more boundaries! (There are many times I think some of your cartoons were made with him in mind…he definitely fit the profile.) He basically said, “I’m the Father and you do what I say!” He torn the church up and basically ran off all the leadership who were forward (growing up) thinking. We were all beat up and left as quickly as we could. But the problem was that the church was trying to grow up, learn how to think for themselves and become a mature adult, but the founder couldn’t handle losing the control he loves, so he stopped the development. When you stop growing, maturing…you die. Adolescence might be messy, but at least you’re living! Keep growing! Thanks again.