Mother Teresa Me and You
I recently read the Times article on Mother Teresa’s crisis of faith. I literally rejoiced over the exposure of her crisis through her letters to her confessors. I believe the darkness of her faith, the apparently complete absence of God in her life, is a brilliant testimony to her faith. We need to hear more about this kind of thing. For faith is dark. Darkness is its home. Darkness is the bed it sleeps in. I’m glad because this may give permission to more and more people admitting the obvious: that they do not feel God’s presence like they were promised, that they have no tangible proof of God in their lives. I should say “we”. Because that’s where I’m at too.
I’m thankful I have a community in which I can be pretty honest about it. The disciples of Mother Teresa, when they were read some sections of her letters, sat with their mouths open in utter shock because she didn’t want anybody to know. She herself complained that her infectious smile was a cloak that covered her dark torment. Now that she is no longer with us and her letters are being published, perhaps the next and most important leg of her ministry will begin: giving people permission to express their spiritual struggles and inner torments.
Find someone to talk to. Find people you can be honest, authentic, raw and naked with. Do it now. Don’t wait. You will be surprised that there are many, many people who are struggling just like you are. You can’t help it that you feel as though you’ve been grasped by Something much larger than you. You are a victim of the love of the Inexpressible. You have been captured by a Love that will not let you go. You can’t explain it, but the Holy is there, within you and all around you. You can’t feel anything, see anything, touch anything, know anything. How will you go on living in this contradiction? How will you take your next breath when you are crushed almost to death by this paradox? There are people, I know for a fact, that are ravaged just like you by this terrible Beauty. Find them and commune with them.
If you liked this post, or would like to use it, please buy me a beer!Tags: change, community, crisis, darkness, faith, grace, love, naked_pastor, transformation
Beautifully shared David. We need community. I cannot do it alone. I thank God everyday for my wife, my church family and our youth group. I thank God that he has raised up men and women in this city that want to see God’s love in every life. They want every infant, toddler, child, woman and man to come to know the great chasm of darkness Jesus has bridged. He has conquered death, and he comes to bring life to the most hopeless situations. Praise his name.
I agree with you that it is important to share the doubts and the darkness – but it is a really hard thing to do. Even with close and trusted friends, there is something terrifying about contemplating the absence of God…I have found that when one admits to doubts, people begin to behave differently around you – a bit like when someone has died, and no-one really knows how to approach the bereaved. Having experienced it from both sides I know I found myself scared that the uncertainty of others would be infectious. Now I hesitate to put that burden of fear onto someone else’s shoulders. I understand Mother Theresa’s secrecy in that respect – not as hypocrisy, but as concern for her fellow missionaries.
It is ok to keep it in secrecy, the pain, the suffering, the darkness.
But at the end of every road for everyone of us, isn’t it outstanding if we were able to keep the faith in Him.
And the question left for us…
“How long can we last? How long can we keep a steadfast faith in God?”
I posted on Mother Theresa as well, back on August 29th when the news of her letters came out. I was surprised by the media spin on it, because I found it inspirational as you describe in today’s post. How refreshing for people to know that one of those most famous people of our day struggled, too….and it’s OK.
I think there is this idea that it is some how a virtue to believe in something you don’t find evidence for. To me, that is counter productive to the search for truth. What if Mother Theresa really did not believe in God and simply from her own sense of compassion tried to reduce the suffering of those around her. Who is to say that what she did is any less spiritual without a belief in God? Maybe its even more inspirational?
I think it is far more pain and a waste of energy to be disappointed based on expectations about a god who doesn’t exist within real experience than to look at the world around oneself and engage with intellectual and internal honesty.
I think that Christianity is handicapped by the need to “prove” that god cares and is somehow the “best” way to live when there isn’t evidence for that. I find it hard to believe that a god so great would need us to help prove that he cares and exists.
I don’t know that He ‘needs’ us to prove anything. Among His greatest gifts to us is the free will to choose.
Richard-
God doesn’t need us to prove anything, that is the great misconception about the Christian faith. It is the mystery in the whole faith process, that makes it the best way to live. Faith doesn’t need proof, it is just believing in the unseen. Faith doesn’t make sense, but to those who truly live by it, it brings a certain hope that helps you get through life. Of course there will and should be levels of doubt and uncertainty, but that it just part of it. I can attest though, that God has brought messiness and purpose to my life. If in the end I am wrong, I still feel like I lived my life to the fullest.
David, I have really enjoyed the past couple of posts. I do appreciate your honesty with those issues that most Christians try to avoid. Thank you.
David: Thank you so much for this post – it definitely makes me feel much less alone in not feeling God’s presence. I always felt there was something wrong because I don’t FEEL close to Him. After reading this post and the one before, I realize I am not alone.
Kathy
Scott,
I have faith because its a better alternative to dispair. Only I don’t sense there is a particular Person there to have faith in. I understand the strenth of irrationality. I understand the strength of choosing to live life from an attitude of hope. I fully embrace that life is a mystery and is messy. To me, Christianity is a hindrance to that process since most Christians that I have talked with declare certainty. I find no evidence what-so-ever for certainty.
To me, Christianity is a set up for dissappointment, while acceptance of the uncertain and difficult nature of life provides strength since I am not wasting any energy expecting it to be different. I now have that energy available to engage in life rather than being dissappointed about the nature of life on earth and waiting to live somewhere in the great beyond. Or wasting energy lamanting the evils of this world and waiting for some future time when some god will make it all work out.
I think there is much more joy in doing and engaging no matter what the outcome.
Richard,
I’m going to pray that whatever has happened in your life that you will confess Jesus as Lord. I’m sure countless others have witnessed to you, but I was wondering what you do with Hebrews 11:1, “Faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see.” Your agnostic semantic is not new. Also, elaborate on Solomon’s conclusion he came to in the book of Ecclesiastes. Another thing, I think Paul said we as Christians are to be pittied above all if there is not a God. Go ahead and pity us, but don’t be so bold as to say that the reason you aren’t a Christian is because we believe in certainties. That is a certainty in your own mind, so you are contradicting yourself.
Dave, I think the post on Momma T doesn’t hit me the way it has others here because I’ve heard all this and more already. But I think the real wonder of it all is both sides of this story and that’s what makes real faith and what makes Momma T so real. She was a woman of tremendous and infectious joy (I’ve been told by those who met/knew her) she suffered the agony but the ecstasy of a relationship with Jesus as well.
Having followed the latter part of her work here on the planet I don’t think that what is revealed in these letters is really a surprise to those who knew her or listened to what she was saying and doing. I think one of the most brilliant things about her teaching/living was that the ‘presence of God’ was in the dying child she held.
Anyway, all I meant to say was that the picture with the article is still only giving half the picture of the truth of who this amazing woman really was/is.
A friend of mine mentioned this blog and I’m forever grateful that she decided to share it with me. It is a great comfort to know that a woman of faith and action like Mother Theresa had conversations with God in the dark.
I left full time ministry after I found myself in the dark more and more as I tried to “minister.” The joy of that dark time is that now, on the other side of the experience, I have found God in an intimate way that goes beyond words. Things still suck some days. This week I fought with a roommate and slept in a hotel, had an evaluation at work, found out the guy I like is sleeping with some chick, got a moving violation (my 1st ticket) and the electricity went out for several hours Friday night. I laughed and cried with my friend over the phone.
But that is the point. God hears us when we laugh and when we cry…and when we do both. He is still there, he is still watching, he is still waiting for us to choose to come to him. And yes, for a long time he may be silent in the darkness; but slowly, he covers us up, claims the pain for his own and we begin again. I can’t explain it how, I only know the why – his great love for us.
‘Find someone to talk to. Find people you can be honest, authentic, raw and naked with. Do it now. Don’t wait. You will be surprised that there are many, many people who are struggling just like you are.’
this is the best advice ever.
mother teresa – a saint.
faith is dark very often. there is little comfort in holding on to crumbs. and that is how it feels most of the time. but honesty amongst friends relieves that sadness, enables a sense of belonging, makes things bearable, even makes things lovely.
we are not thomas… we have not seen christ… we see through a glass darkly. the pretence that our experience is more than this is often pathetic and totally unconvincing to those who don’t share our faith.
if our god is a real god, we would do better to reflect him in the world by being real ourselves.
I agree with you that it’s perfectly ok to doubt that which has been passed down for generations. But why cling to the notion that faith is to be celebrated? Let go, once and for all, and see life with new eyes!
does it bring life to people around it? does it make people better? does it allow them to be real? does it love unconditionally? would it lay it’s life down for you rather than score points over you? does it comfort pain? does it enter into grief? does it challenge greed? does it feed hungry people? etc…
if it does… accept it.
if it doesn’t… reject it.
darren… i believe we are all creatures of faith. all of us place our faith somewhere. some in god, some in money, some in nothing. but the idea of letting go i believe is a false one… when you let go you simply hold on to something else. it’s the human condition. does that make sense?
Jon, thanks for the comment, but with all due respect, I don’t think it does make sense. Aside from the fact that you appear to contradict yourself (faith in nothing vs lettng go [of faith] is false), I think that just because the human condition has a propensity for placing faith in an idea without any supporting evidence of its truth, doesn’t make it a good thing.
I’m not sure what “faith in money” actually means. Is that even the same kind of faith?
Hi David,
Im back from 3 months away looking after little Joel and you have no idea how much I missed your blog (for the rest of you, Im from the heart of Africa and its costly to have the internet at home – im told prices are coming down but still…).
Anyhoo, Faith….where to begin? I remember watching an episode of Firefly ( a futuristic tv show in the US – no idea what network – that got cancelled after the first season) and I remember a priest finding a young travel companion trying to make corrections in the bible because it ‘made no sense’. One thing the priest said that i found profound was ‘you can’t fix faith. faith fixes you’.
Every single person, even those celebrated as people of faith in the book of Hebrews, goes through their moments of doubt, darkness and despair. And you know what, I think thats ok, and I think that is the beauty of being a Christian (which means being Christ-like). Even our Lord Jesus went through moments of despair in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross.
I was happy to read about Mother Theresa’s letters because it was proof that she was ‘normal’. I do agree that its important to share our doubt and fear and despair because it brings comfort, but it isnt easy and one has to exercise wisdom in choosing who to share these feelings with. like everything else, right?
Richard, we all go through doubt, and Im willing to bet every Christian you have ever met went through those moments at some point or other in their walk. Its what we choose to hold on to in those moments that makes all the difference. And those with faith in God take on the stance of Job who, through all his suffering and questioning, was able to say ‘i know my redeemer lives.’
Why do we have to go through the darkness? because sometimes, many times, it is the only way that we will ever grow and our characters will ever become defined. The Lord left King Hezekiah on his own, who was a king after his own heart (Ive forgotten the book in the bible this story is in), to test him and see what his motivation for serving him was.
Christianity is not a set up for disappointment. Life is. But it is through these disappointments that we learn what really matters and we gain clarity of thought. The emergence of this blog is evidence of that. If you judge Christianity by its people, you are sure to be disappointed because people are not perfect. But if you judge Christianity by its God, you will realise He really doesnt need us to prove his existance, love and care. Just looking at creation is enough evidence. He is THAT awesome.
When the news about Mother Teresa came out, it reminds me of this quote from one of C.S. Lewis’ books.
“Be not deceived, Wormwood, our cause is never more in jeopardy than when a human, no longer desiring but still intending to do our Enemy’s will, looks round upon a universe in which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.”
- from a letter from a senior devil (Screwtape) to a junior one (Wormwood), The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis.