Excuse me while I continue to attempt to articulate what I mean. Something else I’ve been thinking of is that I need to resist the temptation to see my people or my church as a resource. This is not to mean that it isn’t a resource. In fact, I think my church community is a powerful collection of unusually gifted, passionate, authentic, wise, unique individuals who can change worlds. The temptation is to see this community as a means to an end. Rather than see them as people, I see them as a way to influence their surroundings or change the world or do what I think they should do.
Almost all the stuff I read to do with church falls in this category of seeing the church as a resource, and even seeing individuals as resources. It is as if I saw my wife Lisa as a “wife” or a “sex-partner” or “co-parent”. It isn’t that she isn’t these things, but I can’t look at her as those things. She is first and foremost Lisa, a person who voluntarily loves me and receives my love. And out of that reality spins the lesser realities of roles, activities and projects. I must believe that reveling in that love makes manifest the resource aspect of the love relationship. It is out of love that sex, partnership and home-life emerges.
Same with the church. It is out of personal spiritual health as well as communal spiritual health that all the resources naturally emerge. And the emergence of these resources should be as delightfully spontaneous as sex is at its best or as joyfully surprising as the appearance of fruit on the vine is to the gardener. And for me, spiritual health is loving others and being loved freely and in freedom.
When people look at me and see a man with a variety of gifts, talents, abilities, interests and hobbies (let’s say), I reject it immediately when they look at me as a resource, as a potential, as a pool for something greater, as a means to some end. This is a false and destructive way to look at me as a person. I reject this maltreatment vehemently. Same for my church community. When people look at it as a source for something else, as a pool for some greater idea or vision, as a bank of influence to change something, I run them off like wolves because they are hungry for the taste and satisfaction that my beautiful people would supply them.
The photo of the larger, older and beautiful woman is the creation of my friend Jorgen Klausen, and is from his Mexico series.
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You have beautifully articulated something I’ve been feeling for years but couldn’t quite mold into words. I’m so tired of being pigeonholed into “ministries” that “allow me to use my spiritual gifts.” After years and years of church relationships, as soon as I feel like I’m not loved and valued for “me” but am viewed only as an answer to someone else’s (or a church’s) problem, I’m out.
Many of my friends think it’s weird how I avoid organizations and official ministry positions like the plague. The only reason I volunteered at my last church was because a friend was being overworked and underappreciated. Her passion for the youth was contagious. I started helping because I saw a need. I felt God calling me to be a sounding board for these young girls. I wanted to offer them something that this particular church didn’t seem to offer–a safe place to be real. I just showed up to help.
But when the pastors realized that I hadn’t filled out the paperwork…essays about my salvation experience, spiritual growth, and views of alcohol, drugs, and cohabitation and a list of commitments which had to be checked off one by one…everything got official. Suddenly I was part of the inner circle and was expected to wholeheartedly embrace whatever the vision of the week was. Anytime, there was an idea for what we could do, one of the pastors or leaders was quick to volunteer various people based on their “spiritual gifts” and to market the newest gimmick.
If God is love,
and Christ is God,
so Christ is love;
If He lives in us,
and we dwell in Him,
so we ought to embody love;
how can it be that so many of us don’t love at all?
Instead we pretend to care while greedily using up
the goodwill (and tarnishing the innocence) of our
brothers and sisters in Christ.
This type of abuse is shameful. I’m glad to see that it’s finally being talked about openly instead of whispered about by overworked and undervalued church members who are having difficulty separating their view of a loving God with a hateful church body.
strong stuff np and ttm.
a couple of times in my life i decided not to join churches because as soon as the vicar or whoever realised i was a musician they started seeing me in a certain way ie. making the worship bit go with a zing. in a way i have sympathy for this kind of person, after all, they believe their church is dull and will grasp at the first thing that maybe offers a solution. but there’s the rub, i never offered it. i was looking for community, not employment. don’t get me wrong, i love to be useful… i just don’t want to be loved for my usefulness. i want to be loved and wanted for me and who i am, period.
some of the stuff ttm talks about is paranoid controlling stuff which i find very disturbing indeed. i will never voluntarily step inside a church with even a hint of that kind of controlling agenda… i have many friends who do, and many who’ve fallen out.
this is not church, i don’t know what it is but it ain’t church!
just had a picture of a big black church shaped factory spewing out smoke and people on a conveyor belt being taken in to feed the big factory… actually it’s half factory, half machine and it’s darned ugly.
not an edifying picture, but it resonated with me.
holy cow, i love that picture!! so much lush colour, richness, and life.
no time to read now, at least not without rushing through…will catch up later oh wearer of sexy green sneakers.
wow jon, what an image.
thank you, thank you, thank you . . . not everyone you meet is there to offer US something. I know, we have to meet their needs – physical, or spiritual, or emotional. But THEN they can offer us something.
The hotel owner comes to visit and he’s the Cyrus that God has provided. The awesome singer – well, we’ve been praying for new worship leader. The mother of 5 young children – perfect to lead children’s studies. The cool ex-baseball player – plug him into college students.
Meanwhile, the slightly-older-than-middle-age grandmother who doesn’t play the piano so well – or the forester who loves to study the Bible but can’t make it every Sunday – or the welder and his wife, who homeschools their 3 children with the desire to minister to their kids and their friends but can’t because they ticked off the pastor’s wife on the last trip – they’ll just sit and wait, or wonder if they should leave and re-enter.
I’ve sat here a minute and realized I’m an idiot – it’s all honor. I honor my wife not by thinking of what she can do for me – but when I think of how loved she is by God and what I can do for her. Same for visitors. . .
My friends don’t view me as resources – or I them. However, we get to be resources out of our love for each other.
Interesting topic. It’s a fact that institutional churches need to find warm bodies to fill ministry roles. In my opinion when Jesus Christ ministers through someone to His body He doesn’t look at them as a resource, or something to use.
When my wife and I were in leadership it was especially my wife’s position to see people pigeon holed to fit into ministry. It was shocking to hear the stories of people who felt they could not be honest with the people hired to be their Pastor. Hearing their hearts cry because they were pigeon holed, expected to fit into someone elses idea of ministry.
Jesus Christ knows when people are ready for Him to use them. We saw how people were pushed into some kind of service role in the congregation. In my opinion it is dangerous because it manipulates people into fitting man’s mould rather than being used by God – when God wants to use them. More often then none people need to be ministered to by being part of the community and grow in their faith – not pushed into serving man, because man has a need.
Jon is right. The body of Christ is about community and within that community spiritual gifts should flow naturally. Christ should be ministering to us through participation in the body. When people are manipulated to serve man the Spirit is squelched.
Very interesting article and I agree with it completely.
The following quote though I cant relate to at all personally. It may be a generational thing but while I think it is a great point to not view others as a resource, it doesnt bother me at all to be seen as a resource. I actually see it as a compliment. Fascinating.
“When people look at me and see a man with a variety of gifts, talents, abilities, interests and hobbies (let’s say), I reject it immediately when they look at me as a resource, as a potential, as a pool for something greater, as a means to some end. This is a false and destructive way to look at me as a person. I reject this maltreatment vehemently.”
Jon Birch’s image of the big, black church factory made me think of the movie Soylent Green….”Soylent Green is people!”
Is it possible that the way we LIKE to be seen is the way we TEND to see others… so that if we enjoy being seen as a resource, something to be used, we will do that to others?
i’ve only ever seen the first half of soylent green. must buy it… i think i know what the ending is now though! j:-)
i like not to have expectations put on me (not always a positive thing). i have very few expectations of others and they very seldom let me down. so yes, np, i guess it’s true for me.
i have a friend who is constantly let down by people who do not order and prioritise their lives in the same way he does. so i guess it’s true for him too.
Sorry if I ruined it for you, Jon Birch…
Yes, np, I think you have hit the nail on the head.
great, great, great! i have no thoughts to add, but loved what you said and how you said it.
“Is it possible that the way we LIKE to be seen is the way we TEND to see others… so that if we enjoy being seen as a resource, something to be used, we will do that to others?”
Sure I’d say its possible. Maybe even probable. I might quibble though with the idea that to be seen as or to see others as a resource is to be “used.”
Let me give you an example. I am asked to teach classes on a regular basis. People see me as a resource to teach others. I enjoy being asked to teach because it is my gift and I greatly enjoy it. I dont feel “used.”
I will have to do some more thinking though to see if I see others as a commodity to be “used” rather than as people with gifts to be utilized/used. At the risk of causing Bono fatigue by using him as an example, Bono probably sees one group of people as a resource to help another group of people in need. I just dont see that as bad and I’m not offended by it.
And I’m not sure how to find the balance between encouraging people to band together and change the world vs. “using” them as a resource. And how could you convince someone you were seeing them as one over the other?
“i have very few expectations of others and they very seldom let me down. ”
I feel the exact same way. I am rarely let down because i dont expect much from people. I dont expect much because i know how sorry i am as a person. i figure i cant expect any more from anyone else than i expect from myself. if i or others perform above my lowly expectations i am impressed and pleased.
I see the point you’re making – it’s possible to view someone, or some organization, strictly as a means to an end in a way that overlooks their inherent beauty.
On the other hand, the fact that we can serve as means to ends can be a good thing if we do not overlook this. As St. Paul says, “Work while it is day; for the night comes when no one can work.”
I think its good to have the awareness that people may see us as objects and not like it. I know I don’t like it and I have used this feeling to initiate changes, first in myself.
What I have come to realize is that what matters is what I believe to be true, not what other people believe. For me, I came to an awareness that it was my own need to have other people see me, before I could believe who I was. I think if I had to wait for other people to see me, before I could be about my own path, I would have to wait a long time.
So, I give my gifts where there is a need because if people in the community knew what my gift was and how to implement it they wouldn’t need it.
I think its very important to know oneself and I think this requires a level of honesty that is very difficult to acheive because there are parts of ourselves that clearly we don’t like, otherwise we wouldn’t be so sensitive when other people point them out.
If I really embrace the idea of grace and believe it on a level beyond a simple mental agreement, then it doesn’t matter if I’m out there “naked.” Because the only thing stopping me from being who I am gifted to be, is my own judgements about myself, not other peoples. And if they are truely gifts, then there is nothing to say I’m greater than anyone else because my gifts are there without my input, but there is a lot to celebrate.
I can clearly see from the discussion here that people who are in a congregation probably really don’t see themselves as resource material for the leadership of the congregation.
That’s where np and others like my wife and I have seen the danger involved and how easy it is in those positions of leadership. I simply cannot do what is expected from me as I don’t believe it is godly.
Hi, we left the organized part of church about 6 years ago and there was a lot of reasons, but this was one of them. I am a resource and I don’t mind being used. What bugs the crap out of me is when people assume that I can function only in one area of church-life. My wife and I take people in our home and care for them. So naturally the assumption was made that caring was our gift.
NO, actually not, but nobody was interested in WHY we did it. Only THAT we did it.
Outside of what we did, we were invisible and we did not exist.
In the church today people relate out of function instead of functioning out of relationship. That means that if you have no function, you are invisible(no realtionship). It means that if you leave, nobody will miss you…….
well abmo, that about says it. thanks.
Within our church community (family) the focus is relationships. We strive to meet the needs of those within the church first. That creates the desire to take the gifts and talents each possess to serve in the capacity they feel most strongly about. For some it is within the church walls, for others it is within the city (soup kitchens, outreach events such as car shows, carnivals etc), and for others it is missions trips. Each person is valued for who they are first and foremost, then appreciated for how they use those gifts. Do we always succeed?…no. But then no one is perfect but Him! Great post!!
Love the article, speaks volumes to me. I remember a time when I did the sound desk in my church for so long, I was part of the furniture… literally!
Pray should always be utilized before being assigned to a particular ministry or role. Just because someone has a Theology degree doesn’t mean they can lead a group of people nor Musician lead a worship team. Pray, Calling and the Heart for what Christ has ask us to do, not someone else thinking it’s a great idea or yourself for that matter.
Like that guy Uzza who carried the Ark on a cart, completely not prepare for the calling, just because his family did it in the past. He should of known better.
That’s my rant
waiting for your post entitled ‘knackered pastor’!
Just came to your blog in time to see this great post! How enlightened. I think there are people who want to be wanted. But there are also people who want to fit in, but because we see this first connection as a means to an end, we cut them off from exploring other gifts, we institutionalize the process. We also deny them a chance to get fed first. I like to be useful, but what I experienced was that because I was good at organizing and handling difficult situations, nothing I faced in my personal life was a time for ministry to me.. because you are strong, or organized or can handle things better than others. So much for comfort when you are overwhelmed. When I finally spoke up, people were amazed and completely caught off guard because of the very practice we fall into.I agree with Gavin, we should pray first, pray often instead of marking things off of our to-do list.
abmo ~> Amen to that comment. I didn’t realize that so many really felt like this until I had my eyes opened in leadership and not until I got my mind off of what ministry looked like according to man’s perspective. I was leading in a very friendly evangelical church that one would from the outside consider it to be very relationship oriented. It’s problem is that it was based on socialization not relationships, but people were deceived to think that there were really relationships. Many times leadership coerces or manipulates others by controlling the atmosphere to which relationships function in their congregation. Quite often even in very well meaning congregations leadership will step in and interfere when relationships don’t necessarily meet the standards or programs where the group is headed. I know that I’ve been watched carefully because of my relationships in congregations. Also while in leadership I’ve been called upon to watch others. We can’t be naive to think this doesn’t happen. People in leadership have to use those in their congregation to further their ministry or the ministry in which they’ve been employed to maintain. Leadership in the institutional church has to protect it’s own interests and in so doing they are called up to watch relationships. Therefore it’s better on their behalf to reduce relationship to socialization.
rod said… Also while in leadership I’ve been called upon to watch others.
scary
Whoa I thought I was scary for a second. Well may.
It happens in every congregation. It’s part of knowing where the people are at. Why certain groups are forming. Whose on the side of the Pastor and whose going their own way. Check out Rick Warrens stuff. They teach leaders how to deal with dissenters. Most programs out there have manuals from the source that also teach the leaders how to work with their congregation.