I’m finding it very difficult lately to be two things at one time: a critic of the system I’m a part of. As you might have guessed by now, I’m both a critic of official Christianity and institutional church as well as being a full-time professional pastor. I find it really challenging to remain in the system. I experience why so many people abandon the church and religion. One of the main reasons, I must confess, is because of the backlash from the system itself and those within it when you express unrest with it. If you criticize an institution it is assumed that you have no moral right to be a part of it. You’re said to bite the hand that feeds you. And we often conclude that to criticize something is to hate it rather than suspect that the criticism is borne out of an intense passion for the thing.
Jacques Ellul, the French sociologist and theologian, wrote:
… the churches are so debilitated and apostate that a Christian can hardly bear to remain in a church, and yet, on the other hand, no Christian can leave a church lest he fail to confess his own part of the responsibility for the very conditions in a church which provoke protest
This ought to be, in my opinion, the dilemma of every church-going or church-skipping Christian in the world. I believe, like Ellul, that the church is horribly apostate and debilitated and borders on complete collusion with its fallen state among the principalities and the powers. I realize and accept my participation in its present condition. It’s time for transformation.
The fine art photograph is the creation of my friend Jorgen Klausen. I imagine this is Samson pushing against the pillars that brought down the temple and all within it, including himself. I guess there were no other options than to bring it all down.
Contributions to nakedpastor are greatly appreciated.
David Hayward is an artist trapped in a pastor's body, stripping to the essential.
loving your site, funny enough a friend of mine last nite told me I was being negative about my comments towards the church. He couldn’t understand when I told him that it wasn’t out of hate towards the church that I speak with a critical edge, but rather a love for the Bride, and a tiredness of all the nonsense that has been done in the name of the Church. His opinion was though that no one would listen to someone so critical and cynical. Truth be told…others would call me critical, and negative and cynical, but my heart bursts for the church, I just wish leaders would realize how mistaken we have been to treat the church so much like an organization and a business rather than allowing it to grow and be nurtured as we would a child! I am one of those pastors that seeks to see change, but unlike you I wasn’t able to stay within the system, I needed to leave for a time… but in my time of leaving it was me that changed more than the church, and now I am more ready to be part of the transformation within the church, b/c I understand that I as I change so does the church…cuz I am part of it.
That picture is the inner me, pushing to escape the body I actually have, which is much more, um, spacious, and with a “lived in” look.
As a church skipper for the past four months, I’m wrestling with lots of things, too. For a long time I viewed my relationship with my church much like a marriage–I didn’t adore every single thing about it, nor did it love every aspect of me–but we supported each other. I was wholeheartedly committed to it. Then I decided–and you can say it is hyperbole if you like, but I know the truth–I was in an abusive relationship and if I was going to preserve my life I needed to leave.
After the “divorce”, I went on one or two “blind dates” with other churches and came to the conclusion that I needed to go on a church relationship fast. After all, I’m still not over the pain of the busted “marriage” and don’t think it’s wise to carry all my baggage into a “new relationship”. I need to be in a healthier place before I go looking for another long term thing. Right now any church looks like a self-deluded, arrogant, chauvanistic pig to me.
But sometimes I miss it; sometimes I wish we could have fixed the relationship. (Not fixed “it”, but healed “us”.)
The thing is, that particular church wouldn’t have gone to a weekend encounter with me in a billion years. It wouldn’t have put itself on the therapist’s couch to express and to hear feelings. It wouldn’t have had the time. It would have mocked the tears and scorned the “wasted hours.”
So I go alone. And I ask God to help me to heal from all those hatefilled moments. And I ask Him to help me to move beyond my own bitterness. Because someday I hope to find another church relationship–one in which I can be myself and know that I am loved. One in which the church can be itself and know that I respect it.
Sometimes I fear it is all a fairy tale. And then I can’t help but cry even if the tears are mocked or, worse, ignored.
Hmmm…would you say that there was a particular time in history after the first few decades that the Church has NOT been in this condition? If not, how could it possibly have survived?
Thanks everyone for your comments. Fred… it could show many things:
1. the grace of God even over fallen institutions;
2. the resilience of the principalities and the powers;
3. the perpetuity of the fallen state of all things created;
4. the perfection of the church.
I doubt number 4.
Oh Jacques, how I wish he hadn’t gotten bitter late in life – that’s him at his best. What was that out of, I remember the quote, but not the book. Now I’ll have to go into my book shelf and dig out Ethics of Freedom again…
I’m pretty sure it is The Politics of God and the Politics of Man.
Ah, I need to dig that out too now. Dang it! You’re adding to my reading list!
Where do we go from here?
well, dharma bum, i believe the first step, and BY FAR the hardest to take, is to admit admit admit the condition we’re in. that’s where there’s the most resistance, but that’s where the transformation occurs.
Biting the hand that feeds you – hmmmm….
If that is the case….why stay in the syste???
Why not venture out with a church that you nave started on your own and begin to create the “healthy” establishment and church that you desire?
That is a question that deserves a response.
…and the gates of hell will not prevail against it
ttm, my heart is sad for you and I am praying for you. I hope you find a healthy body worthy of you.
transformation, how? if we are already doing our best to live biblically, and to do our part to be part of an Ephesians church then what? There are churches out there striving to live Christ’s vision for His church. Surely yours is one, as is mine.
Churchs are only as healthy as the people who make up the body. We will always be striving to be more, why would we expect the church to be any different??
John: No deal! I have started, from scratch, two churches. And even though I started with excitement at the possibility that I was starting from a clean slate and could develop the church of my dreams, BOTH fell almost immediately into the same trap of all churches. The problem, I’ve learned, isn’t the individual church, but the entire human enterprise. So I refuse to adopt the visionary attitude that we can start something radically new and right, or change an existing church into something right. It’s all a tweaking of the old. That’s all. I stay in the system, so far, because I believe in the communion of saints and somehow believe that transformation is both necessary and possible.
NP, I also doubt the perfection of the Church. But I also doubt its extreme opposite.
What I’m thiniking is that the very structure of church is at fault. We do church the way we do it largely because we don’t know how to do anything else. I’ve read this same post a hundred times over the last year all over these har internets but have yet to see a real vision of something new. There are a gazillion buzzwords out there like ‘authentic’ and ‘missional’ and ‘emergent’ this or that but really, I have yet to see anything capbable of transforming the politics of power and privelege into, well, into a group of believers living in the world whose love for God and one another is lived in a way so real and so powerful that they become a transformational presence in their community.
Perhaps this is because such groups of believers would simply drop off the grid of public acclamation. I suspect, however, that it’s because they don’t yet exist. Of course, every time I say this someone points me to this or that ministry but, on closer inspection, the same corporate strucutres are in place. What’s new?
The biggest part of the problem we have to aknowledge (as you so rightly said, oh naked one) is that we do have problems and, honestly, I think the first problem we have to confess is that there’s this big building we all go to on Sunday morning. What would the life of a pastor look like if there was no auditorium to meet in? What would any of our faith journey’s be like if we didn’t have this corporate and denominational identity in addition to our spirtual one? ( A not insignificant point, I believe) That might be where we must start and frankly, I don’t think there’s any transformation possible, on any level, unless we begin there.
i doubt its extreme opposite too fred.
and dharma bum… i’m going to bed now, but will respond to your comment with vigour tomorrow.
LOL!!! We’re all about vigour here!!!!
Dave, please stop posting pictures of me!
I came to faith rather late in life.
I never attended church as a child and given the existential angst of my youth, I wasn’t about to embrace God or religion as a young adult.
When I hit the decade of my 40’s, I began to question who God was and I turned to our neighborhood church for answers. At first the church was thrilled to have me; but when I began to read the Holy Bible and to ask questions, when I failed to conform and become yet another Stepford christian, all hell broke loose.
Recently, I was derided for opposing a new building project, complete with a state of the art auditorium, private prayer rooms, and coffee shops. Our underemployed, under educated, poverty level income neighborhood has greater need of a food bank, a community health (mental and dental) center, legal aid center, adult learning center, ect. (Most in my neighborhood can’t even afford a $4.00 latte, much less a $60.00 concert ticket.)
NP, when you wrote, “If you criticize an institution it is assumed that you have no moral right to be a part of it.”, you were right on. This, at least, has been my experience.
I’ve grown weary of the church, and truly, except for our tithing, we are not welcome there. I would like to leave, but I do not feel that God has released me to do so. What’s a person to do in a situation like this?
In the absence of any real answers I continue to go and I continue to speak as gently and as lovingly as I can into impossible situations. And trust me, I don’t feel all noble and holy about this. It sucks. It’s hard and it’s a lonely road.
The other day, a friend told me that I should just continue to love the church with all of its imperfections….after all the church is the bride of Christ, right?
I have to tell ya, hearing that really creeped me out. I felt sorry for Jesus. He deserves better.
Wonderful stuff. The way that God has been dealing with me on all of this is by smacking me every time I come up with an us vs. them distinction. E.g. Us who actually come to church every Sunday vs. those folks that only show up for the business meetings to argue about the money. It’s not good to think in those ways.
It’s always got to be us sinners vs. the God who wants communion with us. When I can keep that in my head (and heart!) I critique from the perspective of the condemned. Of course, others don’t always get it, and I’ve had issues like the anon above, but I keep trying.
If we could all keep that perspective of the need for God’s grace at the forefront of our thoughts, maybe true transformation would be possible.
My blog title is Wheat Among Tares for a reason. The wheat(good) and the tares(bad) grow together. They cannot be separated from each other. Tearing out the tares will only uproot the wheat, leading to its death.
We will never have the perfect bride that we long for. But it’s coming. I put my hope in that.
Remember….Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. (Matthew 5:6)
….not the righteousness of checking off our little goals, but the true righteousness and purity of God. I long for it. I look forward to being filled.
So, what do you all think about the “house church” movement? This seems to be the way a lot of people are going, looking for something more authentic.
An interesting read on the subject is a free ebook “So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore” by Jake Colson. Free download, http://www.jakecolsen.com/contents.html
In this book, even the small house group begins to find itself falling into some of the old patterns. Interesting, thought provoking reading.
john you’re such a card!
AB you pretty much said it when the new, radical house group recognizes the same old patterns developing. It’s a human problem that invades all we do. Not to diminish the age old effort of trying new things, but we must recognize that the new things are the old things in new dress, that’s all.
Amen.
David, and others, please don’t see in my honesty any arrogant no-it-all-ism. I know I don’t know. All I can do is tell what I have experienced.
I guess, being a former believer and church goer, I do not ascribe any of the problems in churches as being “spiritual” in nature, but simply problems that might arise when any group of people get together on a regular basis.
So, I would say, NP, my master of both myth and mirth, you just have to decide if you can live with all the problems that arise, and look at them as the byproduct, perhaps the filthy waste product, or perhaps the toxic waste product of human association. If you can’t see it that way, find an island. Because there is nothing you can do about it. From my experience, you will get no help from on high. You will just have to make the best of it, learn to enjoy the give and take.
As president of our local photography club, and having survived a split a couple years ago…that’s right, a split. Our freaking photography club split over a complete misunderstanding from one of the members, over something I said. I was so distressed over it. I could not believe I could have been so completely misunderstood. I tried to fix it, but it was a waste of time. Now, we have two clubs in our little county.
There was no god involved. No principalities or powers, just human nature. Just pride and selfishness. I saw it for what it was, and that is what makes it easier to get over. The problem is in plain sight. And as best as I can tell, there is no demon hiding behind it.
All you can do is all you can do.
lor: Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.
Terri: Thanks for reminding me of the wheat/tares parable. It contains so much truth.
Abundant Blessings: Thanks for the link to Jake Colson’s ebook. I’m enjoying what I’ve skimmed so far.
I may not have a church body to connect with at this point, but I’m very grateful for the “conversation” and encouragement that nakedpastor and this community provide. It gives me hope.
Randy, I loved what you said, and I tend to think you’re right. My best friend and I ran a group for homeschooling parents where we met monthly to exchange ideas and plan the odd cool activity for our kids…a very relaxed group to be sure. We came close to experiencing a split of sorts, and then endured the group being hijacked by the very woman we asked to take over leadership when we requested a sabbatical from leadership (she said “no” and then proceeded to start her own group with all the members). So much for our tight little relaxed group. In the end we wished her well, but it was a sour way to end things.
In hindsight, it seemed that people actually wanted more firm leadership, more in the way of agendas, more programs. Just meeting as fellow human beings was uncomfortable for them.
Human nature indeed. Love your wisdom!
Randy,
“Find an island.” Exactly. Sometimes in human relationships it’s about what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for weakness and discord and problems, you’ll find them. But if you’re looking for communication and honesty and fellowship, you’ll find that too.
Excellent thoughts. Church so often equates spiritual adultry and no doubt we all play our part. After deep confession, vive transformation. May we participate in the theodrama and the powers of redemption and renewal.
“… the churches are so debilitated and apostate that a Christian can hardly bear to remain in a church, and yet, on the other hand, no Christian can leave a church lest he fail to confess his own part of the responsibility for the very conditions in a church which provoke protest: (Ellul)
I agree 100% – as one who sometimes attends and sometimes does not – lack of a truly Christ-like system in the church is the reason I have a wavering attendance. I think the system of the church holds the problems inherently within it (not so much the people). The doctrines and dogmas and traditions that have built over time need to be questions and changed for a system that makes the average believer want to be there (and to be involved). I think the days of music, speaking, and giving just won;t cut it anymore – the theological perspectives behind each one have lately had a ‘Oz’-ian Wizard scene happen to them – they are being seen as shadows of what they are meant to be.
scoietyvs – how can that be so? Isn’t each individual church comprised of people who support and perpetuate whatever they believe the system should be? The system is us.
The institution is what the people make it. And we all carry into it our individual ideals of what that means, with all our baggage. Aren’t doctrines and dogmas and traditions created by people? I agree that “the church” lacks a truly Christ-like system – as none of us are Christ – which is reflected in the how many thousands of denominations and designations, all of whom believe they’re it.
That doesn’t invalidate who we are and what we are trying to accomplish during our short time here. For me, that is to honor God. So you find a Body that works for you and serve your God as best you know. and sometimes that does mean critiquing who you’re in bed with. That honors God – didn’t Christ spend the most important time in his ministry critiquing the system?
I’m not all that crazy about our political system here in the US, either. How it has evolved into a two party, think like us or have no voice institution. But that doesn’t mean I am going to stop voting for who I think will do the right thing for the right reason, just because the system is imperfect.
The same dissonance that we experience in church is the same dissonance that we feel towards ourselves when we fail. We long for the promise of the perfect church and the perfect self. It won’t exist fully on this earth until Jesus’ return.
Reading through the New Testament shows us that even in Paul’s time the church was a mess. There were people vying for power and leadership, people using the gospel for money, and all sorts of immoral behavior that was being dealt with….not very different from now.
The problem with criticism is that everyone’s a critic.
When obvious, egregious things occur, we should speak up. When annoying, irritating things occur, we should hold our tongues and work through them.
It is easy to let small things balloon out of control in a congregation while everyone avoids the deeper problems lurking beneath the surface.
I started attending the perfect church but then they kicked me out because I upset the equilibrium of perfection.
This is my first comment – hope I’m doing it right.
Lots of interesting comments. My wife and I were on the leadership team of an evangelical congregation. There were several concerns that were present in the congregation. I raised these concerns and it became apparent that people are more concerned about maintaining what is institutionalized for them.
About the house church movement. If people can simply get together to encourage each other in their faith it would be one thing; however, what quickly happens is that people want to institutionalize home group gatherings too. They set up their own system much like what we see in denominational Christianity.
Was’t the wisest guy Solomon? Didn’t he say “There is nothing new under the sun”? We are trapped, unless …….Ah. Yes!.. a new leader comes along and sets us on a right course. Ah YES! Then that leader is liiable to say “I am a leader. People will follow me! I know what is right and wrong with the church. I will start one and show everyone what is right!” Then… what kind of a leader do we have? What if we set up a “blog”? Solomon didn’t have one, did he? We can then invite all kinds of comments. Feel free! Send negatives too! What did Paul say about judging? What did he say about expressing good things? Well…shut my mouth!!!!… Where do I go from here?
I came back from “here”. Boy I sound sarcastic. Leaving on a better note, I love the church, with all it’s faults, because I love the people in it with all mine and their faults. How we all still and will continue to stand in need of the salvation that only Jesus offers.
Anonymous ~> I like your comments. The church as it is called or the Body of Christ is the bride of Christ. However, we have to distinguish between the bride as it has been misinterpreted and instutionalized by man and what Christ has really established. We have to question if what we are experiencing is really what Christ established for us. I love the body of Christ to and the people are certainly not perfect, but as I said we must be very careful what we consider to be the Church and not be deceived or mislead or we could become easily idolatrous.