I’ve been given this book. I’ve given it. I’ve encountered it when I broke one of the unspoken rules.
Even though they are often not written down, the list of expectations are just as powerful, if not more so. They can be more powerful because the powers who created these expectations expect them to be so innately assumed, understood and accepted that they don’t even need to be written.
My books, my two books, “nakedpastor101″ and “Without a Vision My People Prosper”, address issues like this through writing and art.
illustrating spiritual paths
For fun, I’d love to hear one or two concrete examples of assumed, unspoken, undesirable rules people have encountered in their actual churches — and ones which you then broke.
When I first gave my life to Jesus I got baptized and became a member of this Baptist church in Cleveland near by our house. My grandmother joined me and together we went through their procedure (ritual) of becoming a member. Once that was over we went to seperate rooms where they gave us the packet to explain “da rulz”.
1. (Men) No strange hairdos.
2. (Men) No t-shirts, torn up jeans, short shorts, etc.
3. (Men) Suit, tie or shirt and tie with dress pants are acceptable.
4. (Women) Dresses, skirts and blouses are fine. But not slits on the side of the skirts or revealing apparel is allowed in our church.
One Sunday morning a woman sat near the front of the church with a slit in her dress showing a lot of leg on both sides. Lets just say if my pastor at the time had heat vision like Superman she’d be burned to a crisp that morning.
The moment I found a church where jeans and t-shirts were okay I was shouting for joy! I then realized God didn’t really care about the outside, but was plenty concerned with the inside of my heart.
Love the comment Eddy.
You met the Savior…and ran smack into religion. I am so glad you were able to distinguish the difference.
Is that the congregational edition, the ministerial edition or the one for minister’s wives? In my experience I have put them in ascending order of size!
So true .. Every family and faith community has unspoken rules which are more powerful than any spoken ones. I relate to the list in Released From Shame by Dr. Sandra Wilson. 1. Be blind. Don’t see problems or hypocrisy. 2. Be quiet, Whatever you think you see, don’t speak of it or bring attention to it. 3. Be numb. No emotions allowed. Grief and lament are not proper. Anger, never. 4. Be careful. Watch your step. 5. Be good. Be very very good. It’s the only way things will go well for you.
In our experience, there was an unwritten rule we didn’t know existed, so we stepped on a land mine. The rule was “although as leaders we will ask you for feedback, we don’t actually welcome it. If you dissent with our decisions, you will be considered rebellious against God. We are after all His ordained and ruling authority. Therefore, nothing about our character or conduct can be addressed. We are free to mistreat you, lie about you, and slander you. You will have no recourse.”
A few “rules” from a parish I love but can’t attend because it is too far away:
1. Never throw out old coffee unless you are sure the vicar won’t know about it or it is fuzzy.
2. Never empty the vicar’s mug or glass if there is anything in it – see #1.
3. Never turn on the hot water unless you intend to do something far more than wash your hands.
4. Sell whatever someone seems interested in if you can.
5. Anxiety is destructive. If you want to try a new activity, do it. If you fail, you learn something. If you win, you win. No matter what you always win.
6. Don’t turn the heat up for a short meeting. What do you think the throws on the sofa are for?
7. Go ahead and moan and complain and get it out of your system but don’t let it slow you down. There is too much work to be done.
8. Being welcoming doesn’t mean saying Hello. It means learning the person’s name and something to ask them about the next time they appear.
There are many other “rules” that I seem to learn the hard way. This is a mission parish with 43 members and a fine old building they have refurbished. They are totally self-supporting and manage to fish money out of thin air, mostly with lots of hard work. I love them.
Interesting. When I left Islam and then later, Christianity, I was under the impression that I had also left all of this destructive and controlling behavior behind.
Wrong.
People are people no matter what your belief (or lack thereof).
If you bother to read some of the more popular atheist blogs, you will quickly see that they and many of their readers have some of their own unwritten rules, the majority of which have NOTHING to do with atheism/secularism and everything to do with promoting extremist left-wing agendas.
After my numerous disappointments with the atheist crowd it’s sometimes quite difficult to not be a misanthrope.
I always say: if’s not against the ten commandments, I am not going to worry about it very much. I might try and accommodate you, but I won’t feel very guilty.
Love some of the thoughtful comments, here, though.
I don’t mind that churches have unspoken rules and expectations; all organizations have them.
What I do mind, however, is finding out the hard way how harsh, unkind, thoroughly graceless, and unChristian the punishments can be for breaking these rules and expectations. You’d think that churches would do better, but it depends on what’s more important to the church: building up disciples for Jesus, or propping up egos.
Some of the unspoken rules I’ve run into at church:
1. Before saying anything to the pastor, you must first affirm to him that every single thing he is doing is smart, right and good.
2. Never, ever, ever say anything to the music director that can be construed in the tiniest way as any kind of criticism (even if you weren’t criticizing). It will hurt her fragile feelings, and she will complain bitterly to the pastor about you, and, after a wave of gossip, you will be forever branded there as a troublemaker.
3. If you love secular music (or smoke/drink, or dress differently than us, etc), you are basically in the grip of the devil, and we’re not convinced there’s any hope for you, which gives us permission to treat you in a subhuman fashion.
4. Take everything the pastor tells you with a grain of salt. Do not assume that if he tells you something, he really means it. After all, he has to please the whole congregation, and that takes a whole lot of little white lies.
5. Always play dumb to the pastor & elders. They can’t handle the idea that someone is smarter than they are. Especially if you’re a woman.
Unwritten rules require constant vigilance. The effort makes you suggestible. Check out this great talk about the role of oxytocin in trust and empathy: http://www.ted.com/talks/paul_zak_trust_morality_and_oxytocin.html
I bet that some brain chemical that spikes when you’re in unspoken-land-mine territory, inducing a kind of long-term hypnosis. You jump at the slightest suggestion and stop dead at every raised eyebrow. Until you figure out it’s a racket.
Sarah … Sorry for your experience, and glad you articulated it. I have always suspected that part of my rule breaking had to with #5 at its heart. I wasn’t really one-upping, but I was calling them to repent and to love …and I don’t think they were going to abide it from a woman.
David … The way you worded the cartoon … “if you know what’s good for you” had the buried threat in it … Gave me chills. I am far from “over it.”
Funny…I never got ANY rules at my church…none.
And in 15 years there no one has ever mentioned any rules, or a rulebook.
We just show up…hear God’s law and His gospel…receive the Supper…enjoy some food and each other’s fellowship…and go home, or wherever.
Maybe my pastor didn’t get the memo.
Brigitte: Are you kidding???!!! You’ve given me and so many so much grief over things NOT in the ten commandements…. where do I start? Oh yes, being gay… What you mean is that these are the only rules you hold *yourself* to. You’ve got the full rule book for others, though.
And Steve: ditto. You just happen to fit the mold exactly right – so no one even had to call you on breaking the rules, you’ve just bought into them all on your own. But you’re probably, even without knowing, a rule enforcer. You constantly re-insert your version of ultra-Lutheran doctrine into ever conversation (whether it’s relevant or not), even here on this site. People must always be reminded of the “right” way to think, and who cares about understanding where they’re coming from. If I went to your church, I’m pretty sure I’d see that there’s a pretty thick rulebook there.
Bravo, Christine !
Steve: I smell Kool-Aid.
No kool-aid. And no rules.
Do you believe that I am lying to yoy when I said that there is no rule book. There is no mold to conform to.
We have gay people, Democrats, Republicans, atheists, Muslims, ans all manner of people in our pews on Sunday morning. NO litmus tests.
We are there to worship God and hear the Word and receive His Supper.
So much bagging of churches goes on here, and when I present the solution you just poo-poo it.
It blows my mind. I really think that some people just LIKE to complain.
Proper Lutheran doctrine (there is improper Lutheran doctrine) is about ‘freedom’. The freedom of the Christian, and the freedom of God to love and forgive ‘real sinners’.
I post our pastor’s sermons and classes going back for years (on my blog).
I challenge anyone here to find ONE instance where my pastor tells us how we should live out our lives, or not live out our lives in the course of our Christian freedom.
You won’t find it.
____________________________________
Of course we have the same ‘common sense’ rules you’d have anywhere else. You don’t walk in with no clothers on or in your underwear (everything else is fine). No foul language that anyone else can hear during the worship servive. No outburts or interuptions. That is resevrved for the pastpr’s class
.
We actually trust that the Word of God will change hearts and bring people to a living faith in Christ the Savior, through the hearing of the gospel.
How novel is that?
We’re not like all these non-denomiantional mega-pride/despair factories that are constantly people how to live their lives.
@Christine: You go girl!
@Brigitte: Oh, never mind…
@Steve Martin: I’ve held off for a very long time, but as you constantly put your stuff out there for others to endure, I’m finally compelled to respond.
Your responses and comments are all canned. Instead of adding something of value to the discussion or trying to connect with others, you choose to shower the rest of us with a perpetual stream of your “holier than thou” vomitus. At some point, if it doesn’t getting mind-numbingly boring, doesn’t it at least get a little bit embarrassing? Hello? Dunning-Kruger anyone? For those of us who have been visiting this blog for some time now…we ALL GET IT. You are PROUD to not have to think about life’s issues and problems because Jesus and your god do all your thinking for you. Every fucking day, it’s the same message from you. It’s enough to make me want to gouge my eyeballs out.
Yep, you’ve got all the answers, served up to you by Jesus on a silver platter and (by inference)the rest of us who don’t subscribe to your “truth” are just lost turds, adrift in an ocean of shit, piss and sin. What an arrogant, limited, inhuman and emotionally vacant way to view the universe. If this is the best that your god can do for you, then you may want to get your money back. You’ve been ripped off son.
@Steve:
Have you talked to your pastor yet to confess your sin of constantly flaunting your blessedly perfect church in front of groups of people — mostly strangers to you — who’ve been hurt by their experiences in deceitful, toxic, dysfunctional, and/or spiritually-abusive churches? Do you get some sort of kick out of it? Or are you simply and thoroughly unaware of how much your Internet presence sounds like the Pharisee in Luke 18:11?
I don’t know what rules other places have. Th UK Methodist Church I go to basically has the ‘ordinary good manners’ rules you might expect to find anywhere in society (if you weren’t busy being too modern to believe in manners at all) and I’ve seen no trace of any other rule. We have people who come to church in jeans, we have people who will shout out ‘Hallelujah’ if the like what is being said, or repeat the chorus of hymns. Under ‘good manners’ we include waiting for after-service chat to mention if we think the preacher has got it wrong.
There are only 2 definite Christian Commandments (obeying them covers just about all the rest)
Love God with all you’ve got
Love your neighbour as yourself
People are fallible, organisations more so, and ‘religion’ is an organisation. FAITH is different, and those of us lucky enough to attend a church where faith is more important than religion have every right to celebrate it!
Christine, Sabio, Godless Monster, sarahmorgan: why don’t you just ask for a clean sweep? Get Steve Martin and me banned for legalistic Phariseeism! It would fix everything, wouldn’t it. Get rid of the haters.
Don’t bother looking for or citing any proof. We are irritating enough. It’s plain to see. Away with them. Away with them just like the other dissenters. Ban the other opinions. Go ahead, ask for it. There will always be another who needs banning.
Steve’s responses may seem a bit “canned” at times. This is because he only has so much time. I know his life because I’ve talked to him lots and also have gone to visit him and his wife. I have more time than he does and I like to read. –But Steve’s responses always have substance and I learn from them and am encouraged by him often.
@Brigitte,
Bullshit.
It’s not the differing opinions that are the problem…it’s the boorish, passive-aggressive and insulting manner in which some individuals express these opinions.
Right. Godless Monster.
I was raised the only child of a Baptist minister, and a hardcore Calvinist, to boot. In the course of my own studies of the scriptures I came to a personal understanding of my faith much more in line with the Arminian school of Christian thought. Dad was none too pleased, and tried to correct his wayward daughter throughout my teenage years, most frequently by monologueing ad nauseum or verbally raising the roof. At times it came to blows.
I came within a hair’s breadth of throwing away my faith until I came to realize a couple of things. First, a man ordained is not necessarily a man of God (by their fruits you shall know them). Second, once you get past the basic Creed of the Faith then everything else is window dressing, no matter what the religionists say. Since coming to these realizations I’ve learned to grow in the Lord, not necessarily in the church.
OMG – You to know each other out there in the REAL WORLD! So the toal coordination is NOT a coincidence. Explains so much.
@Brigitte – Without the haters we’d never have anything to contrast ourselves to. You know, to remind ourselve how far we’ve come.
Please don’t leave.
@Steve –
“We have gay people, Democrats, Republicans, atheists, Muslims, ans all manner of people in our pews on Sunday morning.”
IN THE PEWS. Exactly! In the pulpit??? Now, that’s another matter.
Of course your pastor isn’t going to preach on “the rules”! The whole point here is that the rules are unwritten, unspoken rules. They are the rules that are just “understood” or else. You just happen to get them so you don’t know they are there. It’s the rulebreakers (read: all of the rest of us) who notice.
Let’s just start with the rules you admit to:
1. “You don’t walk in with no clothers on or in your underwear (everything else is fine).” Really? I’ve got a favorite Sunday bikini I’ve been dying to wear to your church! No, seriously, though… mini-shirt and tube top? What about a graffic T with a rude gresture? A Nazi symbol? What if I’m a nudist? (Not saying it’s a bad rule, but it IS a rule.)
2. “No foul language that anyone else can hear during the worship servive.” Not sure I want to know what qualifies as foul language…
3. “No outburts or interuptions.” Now the rubber hits the road. No interuuptions. The rule is, the pastor/pulpit guy speaks unquestioned – no exceptions. Now, I attended a place where dialogue was the norm – not sermons. Not interrupting would have been a BIG rule – not a obvious, common sense one. I don’t want to be a quite, pew-warming spectator ever again – and I’d notice right away that this was against the rules at your church.
You only admitting to three, and already, I’m uncomfortable… and you just assumed everyone would agree that these were “common sense” and universal. And that’s exactly the point.
And thanks to all for the cheers. I’m trying a “call it like I see it” approach this week. Feels goooood.
@Christine,
LMFAO. I’m tempted to comment further, but I don’t want to get banned from the blog for acting out like a sailor…well, ex-sailor.
Yeah, it’s a good “look” for you.
Hey Christine, I’d love to be friends with you in the REAL WORLD, if you’re interested. My e-mail is under my profile.
Steve and I have hardly co-ordinated any responses, as should be obvious, except for an occasional reinforcement. In any case, I can tell you that Steve and his wife are some of the nicest people I have ever met.
What Steve and I, and other converts to Lutheranism (the original “evangelicalism”) share, is a time in life where our life became “free” because of proper Christian doctrine and we are imbued with this. If the way I communicate does not seem nice somehow, I am really sorry, but I don’t know any better how to explain it or bring it across.
I found that after my son died in a car accident there opened up an abyss in my other REAL LIFE relationships. The sorrow and horror of it was just too great for people to feel as comfortable with you as before. I think this is changing now after about three years. At the same time I had many blogging relationships. Steve has always been very kind and supportive of me. He is much nice than I am. I have visited four people I only knew through blogging and phoning and I still carry on a correspondence with Sam Scoville who was banned from here. Sam is not a confessing Christian and he has guided me on some reading of American literature. He likes to goad but he is really a good man wanting to make us think about the fallacies in our own thought.
Anyhow. So much for all that. XXOO
If you have any problems with anything I write, please do jump on it right away. If you don’t reply to it then I don’t really know what the problem is.
About what you wear to church: I couldn’t honestly care less.
I was teasing, Brigitte, about the sly coordinating. It seemed clear to me you were friends (physically or virtually) and that you simply agree with each other. No offence meant or taken.
My take on it, though, is that neither you nor Steve *seem* free. You don’t even seem free to engage in real conversations with others on this sight. You aren’t free to accept others as they are (including me), and if I believed as you do, I wouldn’t be free to even seek happiness in my life.
I don’t care (much) what I could or could not wear to your or Steve’s church. But I do care about being able to speak my mind, being understood and taken seriously, being believed to be sincere, being accepted as an equal, having it accepted that I am the one who needs to decide the most appropriate path for my life because no one else can, and having the most important relationship in my life recognized and accepted as something greater and more beautiful than an offence comparable to theft and murder.
And just your presense, here, in text, makes it clear that I wouldn’t be granted those things in your worldview. I can only imagine a church full of it.
Don’t tell me you don’t have rules.
There are “rules” which are imposed by the government, we are all obliged to follow them.
There are spoken and unspoken “rules” in our society and social circle. We work with those: either we more or less accept them because the consensus works better than not having it, or we fight this consensus because we think it needs changing.
These conventions are just that, conventions. They are in flux and they don’t necessarily have moral implications. If you or I “offend” against some of those and someone says: why don’t you do this or that? Then I can let it slide off.
In terms of gay/lesbian/ transgendered issues, you are right my church would expect you to be celibate, which you would probably say is insane to expect of someone. And I can see that point of view. I am not for celibacy either.
In my little country church full of farm families this has not arisen. We have problems with adultery and family break-up. These shake to the core every time. Nothing is ever the same again afterward. Personally, I only know one transgendered individual, and he, now she, also broke up a family after fathering and raising several children. Personally, even with my disdain for celibacy do not understand how someone could do this just for their sense of, of, …? who they are?
and having the most important relationship in my life recognized and accepted as something greater and more beautiful than an offence comparable to theft and murder.
Christine, I know next to nothing, or precisely nothing about you. But I do know that I could still love you and be your friend whatever it is. I am a murderer and a thief and adulteress if not in action than in thought. And so I don’t count myself different in essence. However, when families and children are concerned there are other issues.
Brigitte, I was so wonderfully impressed… until…
“Personally, I only know one transgendered individual, and he, now she, also broke up a family after fathering and raising several children. Personally, even with my disdain for celibacy do not understand how someone could do this just for their sense of, of, …? who they are?”
Someone who is trapped in the wrong body actually does something to relieve their terrible mental anguish and you think that’s nothing? How cruel! One person shouldn’t suffer in silence – is that what you would really want? For your marriage to be a lie or for your parent to be miserable? Parents split sometimes (actually, sometimes a sex change happens and couples still stay together), but it doesn’t have to be (often is, I grant) as unpleasant as you describe. It’s often the rejection of a transgendered or gay person that causes the tragedy. My parents had a amicable split, which was actually really healthy for me and my siblings.
“But I do know that I could still love you and be your friend whatever it is.”
But I wouldn’t feel loved. And someone who wants to deny my fundamental human rights I don’t normally count as a friend.
“I am a murderer and a thief and adulteress if not in action than in thought. And so I don’t count myself different in essence.”
You b**t@H!!!!!! My love for my wife, my care and concern for my family, the best parts of who I am are NO WORSE(!) than your darkest, most covetous, depraved, lustful impulses??? Well, gee, thanks. I’m so feeling the love.
“However, when families and children are concerned there are other issues.”
I have a family. We ARE a family. And my children will be at least no worse off than any others for having two moms. To imply otherwise is ignorance and bigotry.
Well said Christine ! Well said.
Oh Sabio, pipe down. Christine, I appreciate your frankness. I’ll revisit later.
Oh Brigitte, you may appreciate her frankness but she could care less if you appreciate her frankness while underneath it is clear what you think. I appreciate her position. I am affirming her while you are cutting her down and she called you on it.
So settle down Brigitte.
Sabio, I believe that Christine is able to speak for herself.
their sense of, of, …? who they are?”
I did not say “nothing” if you look again. I put two question marks. I really don’t know what the right answer is. What would drive someone??? It is beyond my comprehension at this point. You are quite free to tell me what you think it is. “Trapped in the wrong body” seems to be the answer. I can hear it but I can’t feel it.
Parents split sometimes (actually, sometimes a sex change happens and couples still stay together), but it doesn’t have to be (often is, I grant) as unpleasant as you describe. It’s often the rejection of a transgendered or gay person that causes the tragedy.
I can see that, that it could be the rejection of the trans-gendered person that’s the problem. In any case, it is hard for everybody. This I know from seeing it close at hand.
But I wouldn’t feel loved. And someone who wants to deny my fundamental human rights I don’t normally count as a friend.
I’ve denied you nothing. You may not want to count me as a friend. But it need not stop me. All the people I love I have problems with and need to bear with, and they with me. This is the nature of love, that we put up with faults. And this is how God’s love is, too. He bears us and loves us even when we don’t like it or think so.
You b**t@H!!!!!! My love for my wife, my care and concern for my family, the best parts of who I am are NO WORSE(!) than your darkest, most covetous, depraved, lustful impulses??? Well, gee, thanks. I’m so feeling the love.
I get it.
Sabio, I believe that Christine is able to speak for herself.
their sense of, of, …? who they are?”
I did not say “nothing” if you look again. I put two question marks. I really don’t know what the right answer is. What would drive someone??? It is beyond my comprehension at this point. You are quite free to tell me what you think it is. “Trapped in the wrong body” seems to be the answer. I can hear it but I can’t feel it.
Parents split sometimes (actually, sometimes a sex change happens and couples still stay together), but it doesn’t have to be (often is, I grant) as unpleasant as you describe. It’s often the rejection of a transgendered or gay person that causes the tragedy.
I can see that, that it could be the rejection of the trans-gendered person that’s the problem. In any case, it is hard for everybody. This I know from seeing it close at hand.
But I wouldn’t feel loved. And someone who wants to deny my fundamental human rights I don’t normally count as a friend.
I’ve denied you nothing. You may not want to count me as a friend. But it need not stop me. All the people I love I have problems with and need to bear with, and they with me. This is the nature of love, that we put up with faults. And this is how God’s love is, too. He bears us and loves us even when we don’t like it or think so.
You b**t@H!!!!!! My love for my wife, my care and concern for my family, the best parts of who I am are NO WORSE(!) than your darkest, most covetous, depraved, lustful impulses??? Well, gee, thanks. I’m so feeling the love.
I get it.
“I did not say “nothing” if you look again.”
You, you didn’t. But you dismissed it as nothing in comparison to a family split. You imply is was selfish. How could you possibly make that judgement?
“I can hear it but I can’t feel it.”
Of course you can’t. It didn’t happen to you.
“In any case, it is hard for everybody. This I know from seeing it close at hand.”
No, it’s *sometimes* hard for everybody. This is what you have seen. But, I’ve seen cases where it isn’t, and some where is might be hard, but less hard on everyone than a family staying together – so, better for everyone. Don’t let your personal experience define what you think is possible for all of humanity.
“I’ve denied you nothing.”
No, you haven’t. I just said you wanted to – you would if you could.
“All the people I love I have problems with and need to bear with, and they with me. This is the nature of love, that we put up with faults. And this is how God’s love is, too. He bears us and loves us even when we don’t like it or think so.”
This is not a problem I have. It is not a fault. And treating me like it is is what makes you not my friend.
“I get it.”
Unless you’re in the closet, no, you couldn’t possibly.
I guess the point, Brigitte, is that you claim to get it, let you hold firm to your previous views.
If you really “got it”, you’d be as disgusted with yourself as I am.
I am disgusted with me lots.
@Brigitte: Now, that’s an odd comment…
Are you disguted with your own view of the LBGT community, or is it entirely unrelated?
What you don’t seem to get is that you casual implied I was sub-human in our conversation (that the best of me is only as good as the worse of a “normal” person), and yet you don’t seem to display any recognition of that fact, any remorse at having said it, nor any appreciation of the hypocracy of then saying we are the same, that you love me and that you are a friend to me.
No, I don’t really believe you when you say you “get it”. Just a little hard to believe considering.
@Sabio (and TGM): I do appreciate the support. You’re only being told to “pipe down” because the “Christians” get embarrassed when you act more like Jesus than they do.
Are you interested in having a conversation with me? Or do you want to make an example of me, as the “evil Christian” with Sabio (much more Jesus-like) hovering over to make sure you hit the right note of bitterness?
Wow, Brigitte continues to talk down to Christine while trying to insult Sabio at the same time. She is banking that being Christian sisters is more meaningful than any little put down she can muster up for Christine.
@ Christine
Thanks. Several of David’s cartoons accuse those who remain silent while the anti-gay crowd rages. If the Christian crowd won’t stand up in support, I guess the hell-bound side has to.
Brigitte clearly shows us that “knowing Jesus” ain’t no guarantee for even the most important things. She would agree, of course, but at least she can claim to heaven.
‘Hoveringly’ yours,
Sabio
Brigitte: Do you really want to have a conversation? Cause that last comment doesn’t seem like it.
As for me, to some extent, I just don’t care what you think. And I only have so much patience for being insulted. But I AM genuinely curious about how you reconcile those views, the ones you’ve expressed here, with being loving, free and Jesus-like. I DO want to know how that possibly works for you. My questions in that regard are completely sincere.
And I’m not being “hovered over”. Nor are you. The benefit of having a conversation open to observation is that it can bring in other opinions. If those opinion turn out to be support for those who are downtrodden and oppressed by the religious (the Jesus-like part), then you (a Christian) should be the last to object and take it personally.
My guess is – what I really suspect and I acknowledge I may be wrong – is that your level of discomfort here has less to do with a remark from me or a one-line “Here, here!” from a bystander, but that you don’t actually feel comfortable with your own views on the matter. You’re torn, but what to stay “on message”. So, being told it is actually making you act less like Jesus then really gets to the crux of the problem. it implies that what you are trying to protect are your own biases, securities, or religion – not truth, beauty, free, love or godliness. And so it stings. But that should tell you something about yourself – don’t take it out on us.
Sabio:
It is said that more evil is done in the name of god that God would have nothing to do with.
Perhaps it is also true that more good is done without the name of god that God smiles on.
@ Christine
If there is a God, I must admit that I am very biased to believe you would be right about what you say.
Meanwhile, your analysis in the last several comments seem spot on and I have learned much from how you write — thank you.
@Sabio – Thanks.
Checked out your blog… looks interesting. I’ll be back.
On my last comment, there’s a good reason I don’t go there first and take a guess. This is always the predictable outcome of being “spot on”… utter silence.
Oh, and I can tell only because that was me. Feels all too familiar. Hard not to recognize it.
And I wish the me-then had had a me-now to challenge me. I would have been silent for awhile too, then life would have gotten much easier much faster.