book of conditions

I’ve been asking myself this for years, and having discussions about this with pastors; It’s as if becoming a Christian is like buying a new car but no one tells you the interest rate on the loan or how much it will cost you each month, then the car breaks down and they tell you that you can’t return it or exchange it for another because it’s the “one true car” and “once you buy this car, you’ll always own this car”.

I think that religion should be required to follow the same laws that loan sharks follow: Full disclosure at signing – if you are too stupid to read the paperwork then it’s on you.

When I first converted to Christianity I had just started college and joined a charismatic community near Ithaca, New York (Scott Ross’ “Love Inn”) and lived in a house with other Christian guys. Lots of good music and good relations.

Two years later I went to a Christian College (Wheaton, in Illinois) and was handed that big thick book. Fortunately, in the back of the hefty text I found a ticket for a train ride out of Wheaton.

Two weeks ago, a lovely woman was in my office because she was “church shopping.” She and her family have been attending a large, non-denominational church in town that is known for being highly welcoming of “seekers.” I had previously heard from others, however, that once those “seekers” are in the door, the church *intentionally* ratchet up the expectations. In other words, it’s not just a FEELING that people have….it’s absolutely the PLAN in some of these churches.

In her case, the shock came when, two years into membership, she was told she could not lead a small covenant group of eight married couples because, as a woman, she could not be allowed to have spiritual authority over a man. (her husband, or any other man in the group, apparently…)

This, on the heels of being told that her daughter was “not ready” for baptism because she didn’t answer certain questions correctly (neither she nor her daughter were told ahead of time that there would be a “baptism test”)

All this is to say, what this cartoon depicts happened to this woman.

Having said all this, every community has expectations and assumptions….and I think it’s best for everybody to understand what they are ahead of time. Not every congregation is a “fit” for every person.

The main problem I have is not that there *are* expectations, but the fact that so many places *intentionally hide* them.

@Fishon, I haven’t seen your comment show up here yet, so I’m copying it for context:

“Author: fishon
Comment:
EVERYONE and every organization has a book of conditions, written or assumed. David’s site we are on has them.

And what is “unconditional love” really?
What is the definition of it?
Can someone have unconditional love and still discipline?
Does the word “NO” have any place with unconditional love?”

In my mind, unconditional love is love without conditions. In other words, I endeavor to love with you without any strings attached to the love itself. Is discipline a part of love–for me, it is. “Those whom the Lord loves, He disciplines” and I think we can and should model that for healthy love to exist.

And you’re right, every organization has expectations, it’s just the things that are hidden or the culture that keeps certain people out so those conditions aren’t revealed ’til the “wrong” people show up and find out what the conditions are. At other times, those expectations aren’t hidden, but people do not thoroughly read, if they read at all, the book of discipline, by-laws, etc. That’s boring stuff (so many people feel) and most people don’t avail themselves of it. I believe in educating people and made sure at the last church I was at that attendees at new members class received a copy and anyone else that expressed an interest in it. At times, I even found myself having to educate longtime members on what we supposedly believed and helped them learn how to flesh out the articles of faith as a previous pastor had narrowly defined things and most people were still following his way as though it was “the” way.

NP & Elderyl: The power elite (1% – 3%) have only as much power as you allow them to have.

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Unconditional love is healthy and respectful. It does not mean being enslaved to the whims and pleasures and disfuntions and abuse of another person. It does not involve enabling another person to be self-destructive or abusive. Very rarely does it involve a disabling, crushing, total or terminal sacrifice – and mostly never even involves any sense of sacrifice. Unconditional love seeks to provoke health and growth and independence – and more unconditional love.

I was an Eagle Scout. After getting a little flier from my son’s school inviting us to join, I took my son through scouting for two years. But as they opened their big book in front of him and told him gays were out, nonbelievers were bad and anything our country did was good, my son gave up camping and outdoor skills with the Scouts. I was proud of him. But we camp yearly and he was out chopping wood this afternoon building a shelter in the woods — all without the scouts.
I imagine the unchurched analogy works well here too.

Analogy?

My denomination has a literal book of conditions called ‘Orders and Regulations for Salvation Army Soldiers.’ It’s essentially the rule book by which Salvation Army soldiers are to live.

We don’t expect everyone to live by it though. Only those who have…

David, I’m sure you would have an absolute blast if he turned up at the Salvation Army one Sunday! So many cartoons, just waiting to be drawn…

Thank Gary. It seems you totally understood.
I see analogies as tools to see below the particulars to which we are attached and allows us to feel and understand deep principles that unite us more truly then our petty cognitions.

@Cameron,

Well now your question makes sense…LOL

No problem.