Is this the church you’re going to today? With friends? Will you feel the oneness? Even if you disagree on the outcome, you still love each other, eat and drink in communion together, laugh together and care for each other, and be sad when you have to go your separate ways?
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My name is David Hayward, and I am the nakedpastor. I am a graffiti artist on the walls of religion.
I’ll be watching the game at home alone.
so yeah, it’s pretty good reflection of my church life right now.
I look forward to it, I’m passionate and excited but at the same time a little sad that I have no one to share it with.
ya that is sad tom. sorry.
All comes down to LOVE!
I’ve attended church nearly all my life. In the past couple of years, though, I haven’t. I came to a point where I realized very sadly that even though I was faithfully attending services, was involved in various ministries of the church, and even led a small group weekly, when it came down to it, in all the years I was in that church, and in the churches I’d been involved in when I lived in other states, no matter how much I wanted it, I never was able to develop true deep meaningful authentic friendships with people.
My deepest and most important friendships are with friends outside the church. When I stopped attending, no one even noticed. After about eight years of faithful attendance and involvement, I wasn’t even missed, until one person from church happened to pass by me in town one day, and asked if I were still attending. I told him how much it meant to me that he asked.
It’s a very sad and lonely feeling.
Maria,
I think the social part you talked about is a big part of things, whether you still believe in God, etc. or not. My experience is similar. We’ve been in lots of churches, but we never make close friends. It’s all pleasant and we did talk with other couples over the years, but nothing close ever clicks.
We both tend to be loners, but both wanted to have friends. It never happened. And I’ve figured out you can’t force these things. I’ve seen churches try to do that. It never works.
But I know what you mean about how you can go faithfully for years, then stop, and nobody even notices. It feels really absurd. You feel like you’re close in a way-we’re friendly, they’re friendly, yet it goes to nothing over-nite. Weird. Maybe that’s the way it is in any group really.
Tom,
I’m sorry you were alone for the super bowl. I had my husband and two of my children, but they weren’t all that interested in it. Our “parties” are always like that, so my husband and I joke about it. I have this image of everybody else having a fabulous party with loads of friends over-not realistic, probably.
I hear you Maria,
I was very involved in my church for years as a volunteer and then on staff in an administrative capacity for a year and then as the Youth Director for over a year.
After I was laid off it stunned me how little it seems I was missed.
I have a group of very close friends that I left behind in England when I moved to NY, but I have never been able to make real, genuine friendships in the church.
Why is that? shouldn’t that be what the church is about? sharing our faith and our journey?
Why is the church the hardest place to build genuine friendships? shouldn’t it be exactly the opposite?
You hit it on the head!
I am sad to say, but I’m a huge Cleveland Browns fan and my sweetie is a New Orleans Fans (we call it the misery loves company tour). But we find common ground, a closeness together as a couple, and meet up with great people than we do in church.
Not to dog the church too much because I am still friends with pastors and friends from when I was in the charismatic movement. But since I don’t color in the lines well I find fellowship when I can, where I can. Plus, if need be, or if the call is real, I can minister to those who need an ear, lend a hand, or just need someone to pray for them.
But you are right how the “holy trinity” is (as Farrell and Farrell once sang) involves “Triniton”.