Burnout Therapy

Written on December 2, 2010 in thought

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I’ve talked to many pastors who’ve experienced burnout. I’ve also talked with many people who have burned out on church.

I’ve also noticed that most people who experience burnout were never invited to rest. They were never offered to take some time off. They were never even asked if they needed a break.

After I left the professional ministry in April I’ve had some people say something like this to me: “I had felt for a while that you were burned out!” I never responded with, “Well you were the ones who paid me. Why didn’t you do something about it?”

Because this is the nature of institutions. They are loveless. Individuals can be loving and caring, but institutions frequently won’t and simply can’t. The principalities and powers often hold sway over institutional life.

If you are a religious leader, like a pastor, and you feel you might be burning out, it is up to you to do something about it. If you are a member burning out from church, then it is up to you to do something about it. The church is not going to invite you to take a break or a sabbatical or sign the divorce papers that you serve it. Ever.

Looking back… ya… perhaps I burned out. But I quit. And I’m glad I did. There are other reasons I quit: like the preservation of the church I pastored. It happily moves on. But I quit. And I’m happier and healthier in so many ways.

You just need to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away, know when to run.

You may need to seek your own therapy.

It’s up to you.

Kim

You’re so right! I still think the church should be the best employers however – Jesus said his burden was easy and his yoke light and I think the church should model that in its’ employment behaviours for staff and volunteers. It was never meant to be as hard as maybe we’ve made it.

As an individual, its sometimes my striving for acceptance or identity that makes me keep on, not the church. I need to take responsibility for that before God and stop modelling ‘law’ instead of ‘grace’.

Hope you find yourself treating yourself well now you are on the ‘outside’
Kate

I experienced burnout working for a charity; I was overworked for years, plus the CEO was an autocratic bully.

It took me two years to recover; but recently I had a dream about him.

I dreamt he was having one of his tantrums, shouting at me. I was collapsed in a corner, crying and shaking. Someone said to me, “It’s time you divorced him.” I replied, “Don’t be stupid, I can’t divorce him, we’re not even married.”

Well, exactly. I had no obligation to him. I was free to walk away. Any sense of obligation or attachment I had to the job was misplaced; it took me a long time to realise that.
Crystal

I read somewhere that there is no such thing as “burnout” for a christian who is doing what God has asked him or her to do. Meaning, that if God asks you to do something, he gives you the strength, the passion, the ability, the longevity etc. to do it with pleasure and joy for as long as he wants you to do it. Our problems are that so many of us are doing things that God never asked us to do. They are good things, even wonderful things, but we were not asked by God ( only by other people ) to do them, hence our burnout. Makes sense?—Crystal.
Kate

I’m sorry, Crystal, I think that idea is part of the problem. If someone has a genuine calling, then you can dump on them as much as you want, they can take it.

The problem is that people accept the ministry of gifted and called individuals and test them to destruction.
http://nakedpastor.com nakedpastor

it’s very difficult to even use the language “God called me to do this.” Most often it is in hindsight that we decide whether or not it was “God”. Also, if we look at the bible stories, there is no indication that serving God or doing what God wants ensured sanity or a trouble-free life.
Kate

I felt called to the job I was doing; yet the stress (which included being bullied) built up to the degree that I had to resign.

I don’t feel called to the job I’m doing now; but I do feel profoundly grateful to have a stress free job that has given me space to get well, and where I can still make a meaningful contribution.

I’m still trying to reconcile all that, and can relate to David’s previous posts about not having an agenda. Just the next step, the one in front of me.
http://nakedpastor.com nakedpastor

hey kate: i appreciate your honesty and vulnerability on this blog. i think it is a sign you are a healthy person. If I may say so, I think wherever we find ourselves is where we are to be. why question it?
Crystal

Some people in ministry do have a special peace and quietness about what they do, ( they don’t seem to get dumped on ) where others strive. Isn’t it striving that stresses us out? And isn’t it God’s peace that enables us to carry on year after year enjoying what we do?

But, you are right, David, when you claim that serving God doesn’t always bring a trouble-free life. Knowing him helps us weather the storms. But, this life is difficult in so many ways. The older I get, the more I realize that.

I’m glad you walked away from that job, Kate, and sad that it took you so long to recover from the stress and strain. Bullies exist not only at school, but carry on their tactics in the workplace if no-one confronts them—–Crystal.
Fat Radical

I love the way your blog can draw out sincere sharing from people like this, even though most of us have never met there is a real spirit of community here most of the time. Your inner nakedness David makes a space for this, thanks bro
http://nakedpastor.com nakedpastor

i like it here too FR
Fred

Then again, there are churches that make sure their volunteers aren’t overextended. Our church has refused people opportunities they volunteered for because they were already volunteering for a couple of other things. And yes, people have been invited to take a break as well.
Fred

In addition, sometimes the expectations of members of the church are higher than the expectations of church leadership.
Kate

NP, Kate Hunter is not my real name.

The charity I worked for is closely linked with the church I go to; if people knew how I was treated there, my church and probably other people would stop supporting the charity and the good work it does would suffer. The individual who bullied me deserves to be named and shamed; the charity doesn’t.

So no one, except my husband, best friend and minister, know what happened.

I’ve been online, anonymously, for support for a while and feel safe that way. It’s surprising how many adult bullies there are once you start talking about it.

Yes, maybe I’m called to be where I am now; it’s another charity, completely different in management structure and ethos, thank God. The difficulty is that it’s not the type of work I have felt called to for years; at heart I’m a writer, and in my old marketing role did a lot of writing. Now I’m all admin, which I can do well, but the creative side isn’t there.
http://nakedpastor.com nakedpastor

Kate: It’s okay about your name. That’s often the case. Yes, there are a lot of bullies out there. Sorry about your story. I agree: you must find a way to express your creativity. You ARE a good writer. You say it clearly and emotionally.