Lisa and I, the babe in the pic, have been married 29 years today. No small feat. Watched “Fireproof” last night. Some good advice for marriage or any relationship for that matter. Except for all the American Western born-again Christianity it’s thoroughly soaked in. Can’t help but guess that the title “Fireproof” is loaded with significance: fireproof your marriage from burning to the ground by intentionally loving one another well; and fireproof your marriage by accepting Jesus Christ as your own personal Lord and Savior or you’re going to burn in Hell, you and your spouse!</br>
<br>The other night at homegroup someone said, “Marriages only survive with Jesus at the center!” Someone pointed out that everyone in the room, except for me, have been divorced. All 10! Plus there were a couple of people who lost loved ones to suicide. All while Jesus was there. Lisa and I have no doubt that God has been with us in our relationship. But we are also painfully aware that either of us, at any time, could walk our separate ways and God wouldn’t stop it. It’s a myth I was fed ever since I was in the church that if Jesus is at the center then life will be perfect. There is no difference in the statistics between believers and non-believers in the realm of marriage, illness, wealth, happiness, or any other category. Which is why Calvin correctly states:
The believer must not expect Heaven on earth or hope to reap the fruit of victory or to live in rest. Here he lives in need, imperfection and trouble, and there is externally no difference between believers and heathen. Yet the life which is promised is real and no shadow. It is in the Christian like the life of trees in winter, hidden, but waiting to show itself in the fulfillment of time. Our life is elsewhere; it is now hidden, but it will be revealed to us at the coming of the Redeemer.
We celebrate our 29th anniversary today. And it has taken us a lot of hard work. This hard work has its rewards. But we’re not going to fool ourselves into thinking that it succeeds because of a secret spiritual formula. Sorry for the mythbusting. And thanks for the congratulations! We’re happy.
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My name is David Hayward, and I am the nakedpastor. I am a graffiti artist on the walls of religion.
Congrats to you both! No small feat indeed!!
“The believer must not expect Heaven on earth…”
And yet, that is what we continually fool ourselves into thinking is possible. I read a Larry Crabb book ages ago in which his wife had just received good news about a cancer test. They were so ecstatic that he told her that they should celebrate by doing something that she just loved doing and that he normally did not. So off they went antique hunting. While they were doing that it occurred to Larry that though his wife received good news this time, inevitably, there would come a day when we all must die and that this was essentially a postponement of the inevitable, a happy and grateful postponement but one nonetheless.
We want heaven on earth… Can’t say I blame us, of course.
We saw “Fireproof”. I didn’t really see the “burn in hell” part quite that way
….but we thought they did a good job, this being just the second major movie production from a congregation of nonprofessionals. You have to give them credit for trying to walk the walk and make a difference, right?
Our 30th is this May 19th. Hard to believe, and it hasn’t always been easy.
Wishing you both a very happy celebration.
CONGRATULATIONS! That’s really awesome and i admire you! We just celebrated 2 years in December and look forward to growing old together! You are so right that it takes work and just because we are both Christ-followers does not mean we are invincible!
Congratulations!!
My wife and I will celebrate 33 in August. And yeah, sometimes it has been hard. But we decided a long time ago that our vows were taken before the Lord, so if there were issues (and there have been) we would need to work through them.
But it takes that focus on the marrriage, and a willingness to stick it through and not expect easy solutions (i.e. “Just take it to the Lord, and all will be well.” thinking) to keep it all together.
I should add that it also means that we have to forego the modern consumer mentality.
And finally, it takes two – with all the will in the world if one partner chooses not to honor the vows he/she made, the other one’s efforts will go for nought.
I find it a sad commentary, though, on the state of the church today, that Gallup and Barna tell us that divorce is just as likely to occur in the church as it is among non-belivers. It seems that in this area, as in others, the words of Jesus no longer hold meaning for us.
JtM
Congratulations David and Lisa! A beautiful picture – was this for an ad’ for Calvin Klein or something?
I like the mythbusting – keep it up. I think I used to think this too, and that there was more chance of a marriage lasting if both were Christians – but the stats belie this. I wonder, can we ever really know someone else? Hard enough to know thyself.
Cheers, and have a great celebration!
Congratulations!
Congrats David and Lisa
Denise and I are celebrating this week too.
Is Lisa Katy Holmes’s sister?
yes, and i’m tom cruise’s brother.
And I always thought you were Bruce Cockburns brother. Congratulations David and Lisa; that is awesome. And thanks David for mythbusting the church needs a good deal of that.
David,
I agree with you that, it’s a myth that if Jesus is at the center then life will be perfect. No doubt about that.
But when you say…”But we are also painfully aware that either of us, at any time, could walk our separate ways and God wouldn’t stop it.”
I believe if someone walks away from their marriage, (except for a biblical reason) Jesus would obviously NOT be in the center. Selfishness is the main reason marriages break down, and most often statistics show it is one partner that wants a divorce while the other wants to make it work. (I read a stat that said in 90% of cases, one person wants the divorce, the other wants to make it work.) and 70% of all divorces happen for what would be classified as “non-severe” reasons. It all boils down to selfishness the majority of the time. I believe in many cases, Jesus is in the right place in one person’s heart but the other has for some reason walked away and gotten caught up in the selfishness that pervades so much of what we all do…and really Jesus has absolutely NOTHING to do with that.
Nothing in life is “perfect” but I believe if Jesus is at the very center of two people’s lives, and they are listening to Him, they will not “walk away” from their marriage. By the way, I say this having been married for 22 years, and going through a lot of less than perfect times.
Bruce Cockburns brother?
I think he looks more like his Dad but with trendier glasses………….
As for Lisa…………she is definitely a keeper if you haven’t quite made up your mind Dave.
I say a good marriage is more like an epic movie(with sequels)rather than a bumper sticker….haven’t seen “Fireproof”,but that’s ‘as-best-os’ as I can come up with…;)
Congrats David. Good thoughts, too.
Congratulations, David and Lisa. I too agree about the phony myth that keeps floating around about putting Jesus in the middle [of anything], and life will be perfect. But I would guess you agree, keep Jesus in the middle of the process.
42 yrs. at the end of this month for wife and me.
MAKE IT a great day.
jerry [fishon]
congrats to you fishon.
Congrats to David and Lisa.
Also congrats to fishon!
Going on 29 years myself this coming October……really hard work…..It is truly because of our faith in Christ that we have been together this long. We must continue to work at it as it is always a vulnerable time.
This reminds me of the story of Dolly Copp. (The Dolly Copp Campground on the Kangamagus Highway in NH is named after her.) Dolly did not divorce her husband but she did leave him, after 50 years of marriage, by moving in with her daughter. They lived out the remainder of their lives separately. Dolly claims she was very happy doing so. This is where we get the familiar saying, “Don’t Copp out on me.”
So, you see, there is no time within a marriage where the marriage is not vulnerable. It is a relationship we must always work on.
true indeed….
29 years on Sunday, May 10th for my wife and I, easy for me, every day a treat, for her? God gives strength.