nakedpastor
graffiti artist on the walls of religion

Sleep in Heavenly Peace

Written on January 9, 2008 in thought
19 Comments - Leave a comment!

I’m feeling really tired today. Part of it is having teens. But you can tell, can’t you, when a tiredness comes over you that’s deeper than just sleep deprivation? I was at the church all day today pretty much by myself. The weather is terrible… cold, wet and foggy so I understand no one moving about. I had a lot of time to be by myself and think.

Lisa (my wife) and I were talking just this morning about the brokenness of the world. We were trying to describe it. You could say that everything is shot through with sin. Even when we think we are doing the right, the noble, the good, the true, I believe that running deep and often secretively beneath the surface is our self-centeredness and sin. But that really doesn’t say it. That’s not all if it. It’s not only morbid, but unfair. It has something to do with fallenness. That’s not even a real word but it says it for me. Our deepest and essential identity is that we were created good. Our secondary and, shall I say, derived identity is fallen. Our church community is filled with people who are in pain, broken and wounded and suffering, struggling morally with very serious issues. Everything is soaked in this sense of brokenness. It is a reality we all live in.

Some go one way and start speaking and acting and preaching very triumphalistically. That’s just utter baloney. I won’t even address that here. My tendency is to go the other way. Lisa said that it is important not to become Eeyores about it all. And THAT, my friends, is the struggle. This is why I don’t run away. I don’t want to give up. I don’t want to surrender. I don’t want to commit vocational and social and spiritual suicide. I think there is hope. I think there is a deep and residing promise of freedom being held out for all of us. And this is probably the only reason, in spite of my exhaustion, that I don’t allow myself to fall into a deep and everlasting stupor.

19 Comments - Leave a comment!
  • sarah

    Well done.

    Sas x

  • Chris

    My falleness and circumstances have left me in a similar state. My new friends in my new environment don’t seem to understand. Having been conditioned to life in the Bible belt in the U.S. they fall into the “life is great and were all shiny happy people” ideal that permeates the modern church. After a few long conversations they revealed their struggles (to a degree), or at least admitted to themselves that they have any. As in most cases, it is their church that is their road block to honest reflection. I have the same exhausted feeling that flows in rhythm with eternal hope that’s always in my grasp, right at my finger tips. In touch with the promise that He is always near. I’m glad your not giving up, that stupor can be so encapsulating.

    I am longing for that awful weather. I miss cool moisture on my face. It is way too hot in the south for January.

  • http://nakedpastor.com nakedpastor

    hi chris. good to hear from you bro. hang in there.

  • http://barrensense.blogspot.com/ barrenmind

    When the moment comes that I feel so tired and want to quit and retire. I look back at my kids and ask myself, “can they afford to live by themselves?” or “should they suffer because i suffer”. Then i will come to realize that my job is not yet done. Perhaps my calling is to continue to move on for them. I might not be of influence to other people but i’m sure that i will leave a legacy for them.

  • fishon

    I am telling you, brother, you need to get out more. Out into nature, in that: “The weather is terrible… cold, wet and foggy so I understand no one moving about.” My friend, get up and get out in it. That’s what I did today. My son and I walked up the Deschutes river in the snow and very cold weather. We went fishing for Steelhead, and there are very few in the river at this time of year. Who cares? I don’t. Two big flocks of geese flew over, and there were hundreds of ducks on the water. And the best thing, no rattlesnakes this time of year. Oh yea, we each lost a Steelhead. The pros would not be caught up river this time of year. To little fish and the weather makes them wimps. I wonder what ‘natural art work’ you missed by staying in and getting depressed?

    You say something in your post that confounds me. —”Some go one way and start speaking and acting and preaching very triumphalistically. That’s just utter baloney. I won’t even address that here.” Don’t you believe that some of us are walking in triumph, though we have struggles in our lives? Don’t you think that some of us, though life is not fair, tough, and sometimes ugly, still live triumphly?

    You then say: “I think there is hope. I think there is a deep and residing promise of freedom being held out for all of us.”———-But I wonder if you believe that? For you seem to infer when you say: “That’s just utter baloney,” that you don’t.

    David, I am tempted to delete what I have already written because it doesn’t even come close to what I want to say and ask. But I will let it stand, and maybe I will come back later and try and ask and say what I believe.

    your friend,
    fishon

  • http://whatisspiritual.blogspot.com/ Richard Harty

    I just did a blog on the idea of a fallen nature. There is a talk by Daniel Goleman that presents some interesting observations about how we are wired. Our brains are wired to want to help other people. It is interesting what blocks that natural state.

    You can see the video farther down the page at

    http://whatisspiritual.blogspot.com/2008/01/what-is-our-true-nature.html

    I don’t believe we have fallen natures. I believe we have been taught to fear and have been shamed into a false image of self. I do find that many of us act immaturely, but immaturity is far different than fallen.

  • http://jon.lifeshapedfaith.com Jon

    Good post Dave. I am increasing aware of my fallenness as I grow, yet, not necessarily more fallen. I do however have hope that I am being transformed within. If the atonement given by Christ (all the theories) doesn’t somehow work within me then maybe all of this is crap. However, I do sometimes get glimpses, encouragements that give me hope in the midst of all of the ‘tearing my hair out.’ In fact surely this work of God goes further than the individual – working in families, communities, society and even the world at large.

  • http://verveandverse.blogspot.com/ steven hamilton

    well said indeed…i really like how you articulate the tragedy of all of us fallen earthlings…

    i too tend to be given to more tragic lamentation than triumphant joy. yet recently there seems to me that i am beckoned into a more radical, uncomfortable middle. i realize we throw ‘radical middle’ around a lot, but its a great metaphor for that narrow pathway that leads to life.

    this more radical, uncomfortable middle that strikes me recently is the overlap between a theologia gloria (and practically living the results) and the theologia crucis (and living and walking that out). thus the extreme tension of living with suffering love, holding onto hope and joy in the midst of the mess of life. this is the new reality in Christ that i find myself in, and it’s harder than my former life (which still infects me) and yet its also much more fulfilling and going somewhere…

    truth be told, there is a deeper resonance of the the joy and sorrow of life…and i’m glad to be on this journey most times…and i’m glad there are people like you and lisa who wrestle with this and begin conversations like this that provoke the rest of us into wrestling with the angel until daybreak

    peace

  • Darren

    “I don’t want to commit vocational and social and spiritual suicide” – here is the root of your problem. Fear. Have courage. Move on if the status quo does not satisfy you.

  • http://www.crackedvirtue.com Brianmpei

    How about c) anyone in Christ is a new creation? I am not what I was and I acknowledge I’m not yet what I will become but in this transition I have been the giver and the receiver of self-less acts of love, no strings attached.

  • http://nakedpastor.com nakedpastor

    hey fishon. i’d have gone fishing with you.

  • http://nakedpastor.com nakedpastor

    brian: i believe that is possible, but i don’t think you can say that. none of us know our own hearts.

  • ttm

    An “Eeyore with hope”? That’s why I enjoy reading your blog. We are kindred spirits.

    And I’m glad THIS “100 Aker Wood” contains Rabbits who laugh when they screw up the program, Piglets who occasionally puff out their chests and accept a dare, Tiggers who try not to bounce so forcefully at times, Owls who reluctantly admit their wisdom isn’t all that wisdom might be, lots of nurturing Kangas, and mostly Poohs who keep bumbling along saying things like “If the person you are talking to doesn’t appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.”

    Thank you, David for asking “Why?” and “Wherefore?” and “Inasmuchaswhich.”

  • http://www.crackedvirtue.com Brianmpei

    sorry David, I am sometimes fooled by my heart but I do know my own heart when I’m willing to look at it.

  • http://nakedpastor.com nakedpastor

    sorry brian… i wasn’t speaking of you, but all of us. i disagree. i don’t think we can know the fullest extent of our hearts. how can we discern our own motives? in the end, when God judges the heart… then it will be clear. til then not so much.

  • http://www.crackedvirtue.com Brianmpei

    that’s o.k. Dave, I didn’t take it personally, I just disagree with your particular premise. I do think we can know our hearts, I think it’s part of the re-birthing process and the mirror of community is only one way we find our hearts revealed but I think there are many. I am sometimes oblivious to my motives but my children, my wife and my close friends help with that. The Holy Ghost even more so, when I listen.

    The nice thing is we don’t have to agree on this for us to be brothers and friends. Unless, of course, I’m deceiving myself… ;-)

  • http://www.abundant-blessings.com Abundant Blessings

    Maybe I look at things more simplistically (like Pooh, as referenced above), but….I think we all know this is and always will be a fallen world. We have to accept that. We have to accept that maybe we DO have hidden motives for good things we do, even if very subconscious. But we can’t wallow in the guilt of that. All we can do is our best to serve God, and when there is an inkling of self-serving, ask forgiveness and move on. God knows we will never get it “right”, but like a loving parent, I believe he just wants us to give it our best shot. And I believe he is there to hold our hand as we continue to learn and grow.

  • http://myfaithdefined.blogspot.com Nate Peres

    Eeyores What the heck does that word mean?

    Anyway, I see and understand where you are coming from. The state of the world caused me to say, very honestly, that the politicians should all be taken out and shot. Start over with some uncorrupted ones.

    But the small connections that I make are what keep me going. Thanks for the note about my dad. That is a small connection that I am talking about. Through my blogoshpere friends, my father brought prayer partners together from around the world. It also showed me, love given, will one day be loved returned. The love I was handong out, was given back to me from the new friends I had made at work. I had known them only 4 months, yet when I needed support. They were there for me. It was a wonderful reminder, that treating others as you believe Jesus would treat them, does make a difference.

  • Fred

    Hope–isn’t that real triumph?